Mother' Day.
Father's Day.
Christmas.
Usually these are happy times.
Usually these are days to be celebrated.
Usually...
But Father's Day 2010 sucked. Big time.
Last Sunday, on Mother's Day, I shared my tale of Father's Day 2010.
That was my first Father's Day after my Dad died from cancer.
That was my first Father's Day after our first miscarriage.
It was the first Father's Day when I started to think I might never become a Dad.
For some people, times of celebration are painful.
Mum & Dad are not words associated with warm fuzzy emotions. Instead they are paired with bitterness, anger, abusive or absent.
Mother's Day and Father's Day remind them of what they've lost or what they will never posses.
Even Christmas, in 2010 - barely a week after out second miscarriage (which occurred the due date of our first miscarriage), sucked.
On Sunday, I acknowledged that for some present and (even if they're unaware) someone they will know, Mother's Day will be a difficult time.
So we prayed.
And it was good. Really good.
DISCLAIMER: ALL RAMBLINGS ARE MY OWN. THEY IN NO WAY REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF ANY CHURCH OR ORGANISATION THAT I HAVE WORKED FOR OR AM CURRENTLY ASSOCIATED WITH...
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query Miscarriage. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query Miscarriage. Sort by date Show all posts
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Miscarriage lessons
On the back of my Father's Day post... some things i have learnt from my wife and i going through an early-term miscarriage.
First, miscarriages suck. Big time. And it is a pain that you go through is in near isolation. No-one knows you're pregnant, and no-one is aware when you lose the baby.
Second, miscarriages are common. Really common. Nearly-every-woman-i-have-spoken-to-about-it common. And the pain of loss remains. For years.
Third, I would love there to be a ministry for these couples. I just don't know how it would work, but something should be done.
Finally, jokes about having kids are NOT COOL! I used to do them. Often. Way too often. I have now stopped. The reason? You have NO IDEA how painful they could be because you have no idea now hard it is to conceive or if they have recently (or not so) lost a baby. Don't risk it. Just don't.
First, miscarriages suck. Big time. And it is a pain that you go through is in near isolation. No-one knows you're pregnant, and no-one is aware when you lose the baby.
Second, miscarriages are common. Really common. Nearly-every-woman-i-have-spoken-to-about-it common. And the pain of loss remains. For years.
Third, I would love there to be a ministry for these couples. I just don't know how it would work, but something should be done.
Finally, jokes about having kids are NOT COOL! I used to do them. Often. Way too often. I have now stopped. The reason? You have NO IDEA how painful they could be because you have no idea now hard it is to conceive or if they have recently (or not so) lost a baby. Don't risk it. Just don't.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
What the heck are you doing here?
It boggles my mind that I was at youth group the evening that my wife and I had our first miscarriage.
But I'm not the first ministry worker to be at church when they should have been elsewhere.
We lead church services when our kids are ill.
We stay at conferences when our spouse is stressed.
We visit others when they are sick, but neglect to see our extended family.
Every church needs one person to ask the important question of priorities. Someone needs to ask you "What the heck are you doing here?" and send you home.
But I'm not the first ministry worker to be at church when they should have been elsewhere.
We lead church services when our kids are ill.
We stay at conferences when our spouse is stressed.
We visit others when they are sick, but neglect to see our extended family.
Every church needs one person to ask the important question of priorities. Someone needs to ask you "What the heck are you doing here?" and send you home.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
REPOST: The Temple
This week I'm on holidays, so I'm going to repost some things which I've found useful over the last few weeks.
My wife and I once had a conversation. In short, smoking is a deal breaker. I need to trade my wedding ring for my Winnie Blues.
It added to the reasons I already had written down not to puff away (actually it was something I wrote to give to a kid who asks).
First... It's costly. It costs you... you gotta buy them. It costs your work... they gotta pay you when you have a smoko. It costs everyone... we gotta pay to help look after you when you get ill.
Second... It's unhealthy. LOOK AT THE PACK!
It effects you adversely... It effects every organ. Skin, Extremities, Lungs, Heart, Brain, Arteries, Vision, Throat, Gums, Stroke, Loss of taste and smell, Stained teeth, Kidneys, Bladder, Stomach, Pancreas, Breathlessness...
It effects others adversely... As a result of passive smoking.
It even effects the unborn adversely... Miscarriage, SIDS, Under developed babies.
Third... It's unattractive. Check out the effects above and add the look, smell (on you - skin, breath, hair - and your clothes), smokers cough, skin discolouration. Want more proof? People ask to date and live with... NON smokers!
Fourth... It's controlling. Nicotine is addictive... Der. More so, you can't smoke in pubs, clubs, public buildings, shops, playgrounds, cars, others houses, restaurants...
Finally... 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. THE TEMPLE!!!
My wife and I once had a conversation. In short, smoking is a deal breaker. I need to trade my wedding ring for my Winnie Blues.
It added to the reasons I already had written down not to puff away (actually it was something I wrote to give to a kid who asks).
First... It's costly. It costs you... you gotta buy them. It costs your work... they gotta pay you when you have a smoko. It costs everyone... we gotta pay to help look after you when you get ill.
Second... It's unhealthy. LOOK AT THE PACK!
It effects you adversely... It effects every organ. Skin, Extremities, Lungs, Heart, Brain, Arteries, Vision, Throat, Gums, Stroke, Loss of taste and smell, Stained teeth, Kidneys, Bladder, Stomach, Pancreas, Breathlessness...
It effects others adversely... As a result of passive smoking.
It even effects the unborn adversely... Miscarriage, SIDS, Under developed babies.
Third... It's unattractive. Check out the effects above and add the look, smell (on you - skin, breath, hair - and your clothes), smokers cough, skin discolouration. Want more proof? People ask to date and live with... NON smokers!
Fourth... It's controlling. Nicotine is addictive... Der. More so, you can't smoke in pubs, clubs, public buildings, shops, playgrounds, cars, others houses, restaurants...
Finally... 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. THE TEMPLE!!!
Monday, June 6, 2011
More people, more problems
Life, given enough time, will throw up events that will cause massive turbulence. Some will be good, some will be devastating.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics...
A person is born every 105 seconds (with around 300,000 born per year).
Every 3.75 minutes, a person dies (with around 140,000 dying per annually).
Approximately 1,300 infants (under the age of 12 months) die each year.
More than 2000 people commit suicide in Australia each year.
More than 100,000 marriages and around 50,000 divorces annually.
This doesn't even start to take into account those who have a miscarriage, are diagnosed with a terminal illness, are sacked from their job or a victim of violent crime.
I make these points because churches are massively affected when people in their congregations/youth groups go through these events. Statistically, the more people you have, the more likely/often you will face these situations. In really, people in every service of a large church will be going through these joys and pains.
When you ponder the number of life crisis's that a larger church would need to minister to, the allure of "superstar" pastor, can be far less glamorous.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics...
A person is born every 105 seconds (with around 300,000 born per year).
Every 3.75 minutes, a person dies (with around 140,000 dying per annually).
Approximately 1,300 infants (under the age of 12 months) die each year.
More than 2000 people commit suicide in Australia each year.
More than 100,000 marriages and around 50,000 divorces annually.
This doesn't even start to take into account those who have a miscarriage, are diagnosed with a terminal illness, are sacked from their job or a victim of violent crime.
I make these points because churches are massively affected when people in their congregations/youth groups go through these events. Statistically, the more people you have, the more likely/often you will face these situations. In really, people in every service of a large church will be going through these joys and pains.
When you ponder the number of life crisis's that a larger church would need to minister to, the allure of "superstar" pastor, can be far less glamorous.
Sunday, September 9, 2018
We all have Something
Now that I’m not in vocational ministry I don’t read anywhere near as many articles about church and church culture as I used to. The articles from various blogs still appear in my newsfeed, and a few days ago, this one jumped out at me.
It reminded me of an illustration I did with a lot of the young adults at my last church and resonates with me far deeper now.
Now, I’ve got a big something.
I’m divorced.
That is my thing.
That is the thing which I should keep hidden from others in church.
And, as the article mentioned, everybody has a thing.
It might be something in their past...
It might be something they are entwined in today...
It might be something they fear will spring up unexpectantly in the future...
An active porn addiction.
Regular drunkenness.
An abortion.
Sleeping with their partner.
Having depression.
Being on anxiety medication,
Having a miscarriage.
They are a victim on domestic violence.
Being abused as a child.
Taking drugs.
Engaging in casual sex.
Being deeply unsatisfied with their career.
While you might think these are extreme examples, they are the reality for a lot of people.
This is their something.
And they feel like they can’t share about it to anyone.
Especially those in church.
We need to remember, no matter how good we might look on the outside, a haunting something might be lying under the surface.
Something they are ashamed of.
Something they struggle with.
Something they want to remain hidden.
The church should be a place where your “something” is welcome because God doesn’t reject you because of your “something” and can even redeem your “something” in order to reach others.
It reminded me of an illustration I did with a lot of the young adults at my last church and resonates with me far deeper now.
Now, I’ve got a big something.
I’m divorced.
That is my thing.
That is the thing which I should keep hidden from others in church.
And, as the article mentioned, everybody has a thing.
It might be something in their past...
It might be something they are entwined in today...
It might be something they fear will spring up unexpectantly in the future...
An active porn addiction.
Regular drunkenness.
An abortion.
Sleeping with their partner.
Having depression.
Being on anxiety medication,
Having a miscarriage.
They are a victim on domestic violence.
Being abused as a child.
Taking drugs.
Engaging in casual sex.
Being deeply unsatisfied with their career.
While you might think these are extreme examples, they are the reality for a lot of people.
This is their something.
And they feel like they can’t share about it to anyone.
Especially those in church.
We need to remember, no matter how good we might look on the outside, a haunting something might be lying under the surface.
Something they are ashamed of.
Something they struggle with.
Something they want to remain hidden.
The church should be a place where your “something” is welcome because God doesn’t reject you because of your “something” and can even redeem your “something” in order to reach others.
Labels:
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Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The temple
Yesterday, while i was at the folk's place, i took my blood pressure. It was near perfection... 127/81. It reminded me of a discussion Ange and i had a short whole ago.
In short... Smoking is a deal breaker. I need to trade my wedding ring for my Winnie Blues.
It added to the reasons i already had written down not to puff away (actually it was something i wrote to give to a kid who asks).
First... It's costly. It costs you... you gotta buy them. It costs your work... they gotta pay you when you have a smoko. It costs everyone... we gotta pay to help look after you when you get ill.
Second... It's unhealthy. LOOK AT THE PACK!
It effects you adversely... It effects every organ. Skin, Extremities, Lungs, Heart, Brain, Arteries, Vision, Throat, Gums, Stroke, Loss of taste and smell, Stained teeth, Kidneys, Bladder, Stomach, Pancreas, Breathlessness...
It effects others adversely... As a result of passive smoking.
It even effects the unborn adversely... Miscarriage, SIDS, Under developed babies.
Third... It's unattractive. Check out the effects above and add the look, smell (on you - skin, breath, hair - and your clothes), smokers cough, skin discolouration. Want more proof? People ask to date and live with... NON smokers!
Fourth... It's controlling. Nicotine is addictive... Der. More so, you can't smoke in pubs, clubs, public buildings, shops, playgrounds, cars, others houses, restaurants...
Finally... 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. THE TEMPLE!!!
In short... Smoking is a deal breaker. I need to trade my wedding ring for my Winnie Blues.
It added to the reasons i already had written down not to puff away (actually it was something i wrote to give to a kid who asks).
First... It's costly. It costs you... you gotta buy them. It costs your work... they gotta pay you when you have a smoko. It costs everyone... we gotta pay to help look after you when you get ill.
Second... It's unhealthy. LOOK AT THE PACK!
It effects you adversely... It effects every organ. Skin, Extremities, Lungs, Heart, Brain, Arteries, Vision, Throat, Gums, Stroke, Loss of taste and smell, Stained teeth, Kidneys, Bladder, Stomach, Pancreas, Breathlessness...
It effects others adversely... As a result of passive smoking.
It even effects the unborn adversely... Miscarriage, SIDS, Under developed babies.
Third... It's unattractive. Check out the effects above and add the look, smell (on you - skin, breath, hair - and your clothes), smokers cough, skin discolouration. Want more proof? People ask to date and live with... NON smokers!
Fourth... It's controlling. Nicotine is addictive... Der. More so, you can't smoke in pubs, clubs, public buildings, shops, playgrounds, cars, others houses, restaurants...
Finally... 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. THE TEMPLE!!!
Monday, July 6, 2015
I can see > I know
When you're in pain people say a lot of things. Some are comforting. Others make you want to swear under your breath.
One thing that is all to common, which I unsuccessfully try to avoid, is the phrase "I know."
The reason this sentence sucks, when someone is in pain, is because, most probably, you don't really know.
You don't know their grief over a deceased loved one.
you don't know their sorrow at a bad diagnosis.
You don't know their heart-break from a miscarriage or divorce.
Why?
Because it is THEIRS not yours.
A response which trumps "I know" is "I can tell" or "I can see."
When you avoid saying "I know" but use one of the later two, you still convey that you're empathizing with the other person's pain, but avoid the implication that you've got a complete grasp of everything they're going through physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and relationally.
One thing that is all to common, which I unsuccessfully try to avoid, is the phrase "I know."
The reason this sentence sucks, when someone is in pain, is because, most probably, you don't really know.
You don't know their grief over a deceased loved one.
you don't know their sorrow at a bad diagnosis.
You don't know their heart-break from a miscarriage or divorce.
Why?
Because it is THEIRS not yours.
A response which trumps "I know" is "I can tell" or "I can see."
When you avoid saying "I know" but use one of the later two, you still convey that you're empathizing with the other person's pain, but avoid the implication that you've got a complete grasp of everything they're going through physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and relationally.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
A safe person for two unsafe responses
BE WARNED: The following post involves swear words. But, in the context they are used, they are, although uncomfortable, somewhat appropriate.
When I read this post on ministrymatters.com about the 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Grieving Person, I had two responses.
These are the two responses I've both felt, and recommend to people/warned people about, when they're going through a time of tragedy - especially death or miscarriage.
Bullshit and Fuck Off (I did warn you! Don't keep reading if you're offended).
Whenever you're fresh off an event of misfortune or heart-break rationality is not your friend. Sometimes, Bullshit and Fuck Off will be the things which spring to mind and someone needs to allow space for them.
In fact, one of the most important people are those whom you can, even retrospectively, say Bullshit and Fuck Off to. It might not be directed to them personally, but someone who can be a safe sounding board for Bullshit and Fuck Off. Bullshit to the cliques. Fuck off to the idiots.
For, when people are trying to be comforting, they can be unhelpful. And awkward. Even hurtful.
And, at these times, you'll feel one, if not both, responses...
The linked-to article gives a quality run down why the following statements are, intentionally or unintentionally, boneheaded.
But this post is about feelings.
Raw, irrational, feelings.
And they aren't always pretty.
For example, from the article on ministrymatters... This is what's gone through my mind while grieving...
I know how you feel - Bullshit and Fuck Off.
God has a will in this/There is a reason for everything/God is in control - I don't need to hear this right now, Fuck Off.
How are you doing? - How do you think dickhead? Fuck Off.
He's in a better place - Fuck Off.
You can have another child/At least you have other kids - No really, Fuck Off. Far, far, away.
God just wanted another angel - Have a steaming bowl of Bullshit with a giant side of Fuck Off.
It was his time to go - Perhaps so, but I don't want to hear it right now, Fuck Off.
You have to be strong for X - Bullshit and Fuck Off.
God never gives us more than we can handle - Well it's lucky I'm so strong! I don't feel it, so it's Bullshit. Now Fuck Off.
Is there anything I can do for you - Actually, this question isn't so bad compared to the others...
If you're offended by the above, then I apologies. But grief can be ugly.
In case you're wondering, the advice I'd give for those grieving can be found here.
When I read this post on ministrymatters.com about the 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Grieving Person, I had two responses.
These are the two responses I've both felt, and recommend to people/warned people about, when they're going through a time of tragedy - especially death or miscarriage.
Bullshit and Fuck Off (I did warn you! Don't keep reading if you're offended).
Whenever you're fresh off an event of misfortune or heart-break rationality is not your friend. Sometimes, Bullshit and Fuck Off will be the things which spring to mind and someone needs to allow space for them.
In fact, one of the most important people are those whom you can, even retrospectively, say Bullshit and Fuck Off to. It might not be directed to them personally, but someone who can be a safe sounding board for Bullshit and Fuck Off. Bullshit to the cliques. Fuck off to the idiots.
For, when people are trying to be comforting, they can be unhelpful. And awkward. Even hurtful.
And, at these times, you'll feel one, if not both, responses...
The linked-to article gives a quality run down why the following statements are, intentionally or unintentionally, boneheaded.
But this post is about feelings.
Raw, irrational, feelings.
And they aren't always pretty.
For example, from the article on ministrymatters... This is what's gone through my mind while grieving...
I know how you feel - Bullshit and Fuck Off.
God has a will in this/There is a reason for everything/God is in control - I don't need to hear this right now, Fuck Off.
How are you doing? - How do you think dickhead? Fuck Off.
He's in a better place - Fuck Off.
You can have another child/At least you have other kids - No really, Fuck Off. Far, far, away.
God just wanted another angel - Have a steaming bowl of Bullshit with a giant side of Fuck Off.
It was his time to go - Perhaps so, but I don't want to hear it right now, Fuck Off.
You have to be strong for X - Bullshit and Fuck Off.
God never gives us more than we can handle - Well it's lucky I'm so strong! I don't feel it, so it's Bullshit. Now Fuck Off.
Is there anything I can do for you - Actually, this question isn't so bad compared to the others...
If you're offended by the above, then I apologies. But grief can be ugly.
In case you're wondering, the advice I'd give for those grieving can be found here.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Why you need leaders beyond their mid-twenties
Whilst I've written about the perceived expiry date of volunteer leaders, this must be balanced by the freedom that leaders don't have to leave unless they choose to.
This goes for youth ministers as well.
Arguably, even more so.
For, I've changed a lot since my early-twenties.
A decade ago, in many ways, I was still a meathead.
But over the last ten years I've got married, moved out of home, worked at four churches, been mid-term unemployed, done a job I didn't enjoy, started serious study, finished my degree, had four cars, my Dad had cancer, my Mum had a triple bypass, saw my Dad die, struggled to fall pregnant, endured two miscarriages and became a father.
I've been besides people when they've experienced the loss of a parent, suffered the disappointment of miscarriage, celebrated marriages, experienced breakups, become parents, lost jobs, failed university, turned their lives over to Christ and decided to walk away form the church.
I truth, I couldn't have handled a lot of these situations when I was 18. Or 20. Or 23.
This is why it's tragic when youth ministers or volunteer leaders stop to "step aside" or "get a real job" in their mid twenties due to "their time being over."
If every leader - volunteer or otherwise - steps down once they hit their mid-twenties, then youth groups loose a lot of life experience.
Youth group kids won't see healthy, long-term, marriages which have gone through anything but the honeymoon years.
Youth group kids will only have leaders who are university students and those in entry level positions at their jobs.
Youth group kids will only have examples who are also living at home and, also, trying to work out a clear picture of what their future looks like.
In short, while younger leaders can be incredible, those in youth groups will be weakened by just having a mono-generational leadership team above them.
And, when a crisis hits, those who are meant to support them during their season will be less equipped to help because they have less life experience behind them.
This goes for youth ministers as well.
Arguably, even more so.
For, I've changed a lot since my early-twenties.
A decade ago, in many ways, I was still a meathead.
But over the last ten years I've got married, moved out of home, worked at four churches, been mid-term unemployed, done a job I didn't enjoy, started serious study, finished my degree, had four cars, my Dad had cancer, my Mum had a triple bypass, saw my Dad die, struggled to fall pregnant, endured two miscarriages and became a father.
I've been besides people when they've experienced the loss of a parent, suffered the disappointment of miscarriage, celebrated marriages, experienced breakups, become parents, lost jobs, failed university, turned their lives over to Christ and decided to walk away form the church.
I truth, I couldn't have handled a lot of these situations when I was 18. Or 20. Or 23.
This is why it's tragic when youth ministers or volunteer leaders stop to "step aside" or "get a real job" in their mid twenties due to "their time being over."
If every leader - volunteer or otherwise - steps down once they hit their mid-twenties, then youth groups loose a lot of life experience.
Youth group kids won't see healthy, long-term, marriages which have gone through anything but the honeymoon years.
Youth group kids will only have leaders who are university students and those in entry level positions at their jobs.
Youth group kids will only have examples who are also living at home and, also, trying to work out a clear picture of what their future looks like.
In short, while younger leaders can be incredible, those in youth groups will be weakened by just having a mono-generational leadership team above them.
And, when a crisis hits, those who are meant to support them during their season will be less equipped to help because they have less life experience behind them.
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 Best of...
With 2010 drawing to a close (thank goodness!) here are the highlights of the last 12, ramble-filled, months...
Appropriate Rain
Sinking In
Remembering Dad
Signs of a Healthy Church
You Don't Need to Know it All
Web Gems
Redefining Egypt
Christian Swingers - By far my most popular post (what is wrong with people!?!)
The Dream Ministry Partners
Setting the Bar
Christianity Killers 1&2,3,4&5,6, Rejecting Easter
Tenebrae Reflections
Advertising Checklist
Reasons to have Sex? 1,2&3,4,5,6
Can Christians Doubt?
Do you need to go to Church?
The BIG Questions
Waiting Reasons 1a,1b,2,3,4
23 and Unprepared
The Hurt List
Unique-ianity
Taste and See Why the Shark Should have Won
Passing Advice
Blake David
Creation and Evolution
Slap Happy
Do you have to Obey your Parents?
Father's Day Lessons
Miscarriage Lessons
Bang for Your Buck
HSC Survival Pack
Mis-contexted
Why i Don't Fear Numbers
What to do about Mary Mac?
Why does Youth Ministry Matter?
Cat Wins - My favourite video of the year...
Leader Net-equette
Marriage Advice for the ADD
Marriage Union or Civil Marriage
Considerations Before you go 1&2,3&4,5&6,7&8
Should a Christian Date a Non-Christian - Wisdom, Compatibility, Influence, Example
Christmas Sideshow
The Speech
250 posts and 40 are worth of glancing over again.
Appropriate Rain
Sinking In
Remembering Dad
Signs of a Healthy Church
You Don't Need to Know it All
Web Gems
Redefining Egypt
Christian Swingers - By far my most popular post (what is wrong with people!?!)
The Dream Ministry Partners
Setting the Bar
Christianity Killers 1&2,3,4&5,6, Rejecting Easter
Tenebrae Reflections
Advertising Checklist
Reasons to have Sex? 1,2&3,4,5,6
Can Christians Doubt?
Do you need to go to Church?
The BIG Questions
Waiting Reasons 1a,1b,2,3,4
23 and Unprepared
The Hurt List
Unique-ianity
Taste and See Why the Shark Should have Won
Passing Advice
Blake David
Creation and Evolution
Slap Happy
Do you have to Obey your Parents?
Father's Day Lessons
Miscarriage Lessons
Bang for Your Buck
HSC Survival Pack
Mis-contexted
Why i Don't Fear Numbers
What to do about Mary Mac?
Why does Youth Ministry Matter?
Cat Wins - My favourite video of the year...
Leader Net-equette
Marriage Advice for the ADD
Marriage Union or Civil Marriage
Considerations Before you go 1&2,3&4,5&6,7&8
Should a Christian Date a Non-Christian - Wisdom, Compatibility, Influence, Example
Christmas Sideshow
The Speech
250 posts and 40 are worth of glancing over again.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Is this what I signed up for?
Some days, those in ministry get home from work and allow their mind to wander back to their initial, first-date-like, job interview.
They think about the promises made.
They think about the rose-coloured perspectives.
They think about the flawless faces which greeted them on their first Sunday.
They then look at what the people at their church go through and wonder... Is this what I signed up for?
Tragedy.
Emergences.
Cancer.
Accidents.
Sickness.
Death.
Miscarriage.
Depression.
Disappointment.
Retrenchment.
Scandal.
Failure.
The answer, no matter how cordial the interview was nor what your job description includes, is a resounding yes.
If you decide to work in ministry, you signed up to the privilege to share life with other people.
Broken people.
Messy people.
Brave people.
Imperfect people.
In ministry, if you're lucky enough, you're able to journey besides people through the ups-and-downs of life.
When life, inevitably, throws something difficult at churchgoers, these ARE the time you signed up for.
They think about the promises made.
They think about the rose-coloured perspectives.
They think about the flawless faces which greeted them on their first Sunday.
They then look at what the people at their church go through and wonder... Is this what I signed up for?
Tragedy.
Emergences.
Cancer.
Accidents.
Sickness.
Death.
Miscarriage.
Depression.
Disappointment.
Retrenchment.
Scandal.
Failure.
The answer, no matter how cordial the interview was nor what your job description includes, is a resounding yes.
If you decide to work in ministry, you signed up to the privilege to share life with other people.
Broken people.
Messy people.
Brave people.
Imperfect people.
In ministry, if you're lucky enough, you're able to journey besides people through the ups-and-downs of life.
When life, inevitably, throws something difficult at churchgoers, these ARE the time you signed up for.
Monday, December 22, 2014
Everyone gets a season of extra support
You get a bad diagnosis from the doctor.
A family member dies.
You have a miscarriage.
Your marriage is in trouble.
Work is extra stressful.
Exams feel overwhelming.
You've been fired from a job you loved.
Your long-term partner breaks up with you.
A painful thing from the past has flared up and you're only starting to process it.
Given enough time, everyone has a season when they need extra help and support.
When these times happen, you shouldn't apologise.
This is life.
This is what being in ministry is about - being with people in the good and bad times of life.
BUT, there's an important difference between being in a place of receiving extra support for a season and occupying that space permanently.
The first one is expected. Everyone gets a season. Some more than others.
The second one is unhealthy for all involved.
A family member dies.
You have a miscarriage.
Your marriage is in trouble.
Work is extra stressful.
Exams feel overwhelming.
You've been fired from a job you loved.
Your long-term partner breaks up with you.
A painful thing from the past has flared up and you're only starting to process it.
Given enough time, everyone has a season when they need extra help and support.
When these times happen, you shouldn't apologise.
This is life.
This is what being in ministry is about - being with people in the good and bad times of life.
BUT, there's an important difference between being in a place of receiving extra support for a season and occupying that space permanently.
The first one is expected. Everyone gets a season. Some more than others.
The second one is unhealthy for all involved.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
The 5 responses to a question
Following on from yesterday's post about small group questions.
Here's the advice I'll be giving my leaders about responding to questions posed to them in a small group.
Why do you ask?
This is critical, for, behind every question is a story and your response will be vastly different if the query is purely intellectual (I saw something on TV or heard something at school) or deeply personal (my cat died, my mum just had a miscarriage, I've just been diagnosed with cancer). Questions can be significant pastoral concerns.
I don't know, let's find out together...
The first part of this answer is vital if you actually don't know. Honestly helps far more than grasping at straws. And, if you think the question should be dealt with immediately, you're then able to bring in outside help to assist you.
I'm not 100% sure, but this is how I live with it...
Sometimes, there are no answers, just tensions which need to be managed. This response allows the leader to explain some of the processes they themselves have gone through in wrestling with the question.
What do you think?
Give the student a chance to unpack what they already think about the topic, this alone might help guide them towards to answer.
Here's my answer...
Some questions can, and should, just be answered on the spot. For I firmly believe that following Jesus makes sense, thus, if appropriate, I'll provide them the best answer I can (like I've tried to do with the apologetics topic on the blog).
Here's the advice I'll be giving my leaders about responding to questions posed to them in a small group.
Why do you ask?
This is critical, for, behind every question is a story and your response will be vastly different if the query is purely intellectual (I saw something on TV or heard something at school) or deeply personal (my cat died, my mum just had a miscarriage, I've just been diagnosed with cancer). Questions can be significant pastoral concerns.
I don't know, let's find out together...
The first part of this answer is vital if you actually don't know. Honestly helps far more than grasping at straws. And, if you think the question should be dealt with immediately, you're then able to bring in outside help to assist you.
I'm not 100% sure, but this is how I live with it...
Sometimes, there are no answers, just tensions which need to be managed. This response allows the leader to explain some of the processes they themselves have gone through in wrestling with the question.
What do you think?
Give the student a chance to unpack what they already think about the topic, this alone might help guide them towards to answer.
Here's my answer...
Some questions can, and should, just be answered on the spot. For I firmly believe that following Jesus makes sense, thus, if appropriate, I'll provide them the best answer I can (like I've tried to do with the apologetics topic on the blog).
Labels:
Apologetics,
Ministry,
Preaching,
Theology,
Youth Ministry
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