The preaching stool

When I changed the structure of the youth ministry at my home church, and my first ministry position, we went to a "normal" Friday night youth group from a school-year-based, midweek, small group structure.

And then it began. I then had to start doing youth group talks alongside the, then, occasional preaching in church.

So one Friday night I got my first.
It was solid, wooden and tri-legged.

Then as I travelled though a few more churches, doing further preaching and getting more comfortable unshackling myself from the lectern and my notes, I went without a regular speaking companion. 

But when I arrived at my current church I got familiar with an oddly shaped, metal, padded, green and quad-legged one.

And, as the weeks went on, I knew we weren't a good match.

So I searched over the church property to find a new one.

Now my current one is a tad wonky, metal, padded, orange and quad-legged.

And over the last few weeks I've been preaching a series on the book of Ruth getting acquainted with my new preaching buddy as we go through the unfolding story.

Because, sometimes when you speak, you need a good sturdy seat underneath you.

Perceptioin + Time = Reality

I've been told, wisely, that one of the most important things a youth minister can do is turn up on a Sunday morning, even if you're not scheduled to "do anything."

The reason?

Face time with those who not only hold the church's purse strings but influence the perceptions of the church.

For if you don't clock in face time then it's more difficult to get an accurate read of the perceptions of the church-folk.

And, unchecked by time, perceptions slowly become reality.

Even if they are off the mark.

The art of the cancel

Occasionally you'll need to cancel events.
It happens.
We've all been there.

At times it'll be your fault.
Other times it won't be.

Kids don't respond like you expected/hoped...
You're advertising/promotional material was ill timed/targeted...
You're the victim of a double-booking...
The weather makes the event impossible...

So... WHEN you need to cancel something... How is the best way to go about it?
Do you post a public announcement OR do you cancel quietly?

As a rule, I'm in favor of the last option.

Tell those who did commit, not just apologetically but making it up to them, and those who are in positions of leadership but don't intentionally damage your "brand" by publicly stating, for whatever reason, that the event flopped.

As we heard from the sermon...

It's not uncommon that after you preach (like I did twice on Sunday), either directly after the service or later in the week, that you'll hear someone utter the sentence... As we heard in the sermon.

Whenever I hear that statement I do what, I hope, most preachers do.

I hold my breath.

Why? Because it's over the next few seconds that you'll find out how effective you were at getting your point across.

And sometimes... Success. The person carefully articulates your point and shows a way for it to be applied.

Other times? You'll find out a) that you didn't make your point well enough, b) that there was actually a better point which you should have pushed or c) that the listener zoned out and filled in their own gaps.

Everyone is on you side

I've been a part of some hostile scripture classes, youth groups, kid's clubs, chapel services and seminars.
I've stood in front of teens who have been rude.
I've spoken to high-schoolers who haven't a care for what I'm talking about.

But I've never been heckled during church. At least not openly.
And I'm up the front every week facing people who should expect that I know what I'm doing.

It's undeniable that no one wants someone to give a boring sermon.
Or lead a lifeless service.
Or play bad music.

For no one turns up to be disappointed.

So whenever someone gets up to do something during a church service, no matter the reason, everyone is wishing them well.

We want them to be good.
Not flawless, but good.

Whenever someone leads a service for the first time, or the music, or leads a prayer they need to remember... The sea of faces are not the enemy... They are on your side.

Could you find a way to spend the cash locally?

Overseas missions are great... Churches should support them.

Activities which provide support for regional and outback communities are vital... Churches should support them.

Denominational mission activities need support. As do missionaries... No doubt.

BUT... Outflowing from a recent line of questioning from a budget meeting... If a church, for whatever unforeseen reason, HAD to spend the money they invest in widespread mission work locally, could they find a way to spend it?

I ask because I'm curious about how many churches are aware of local mission needs.

Could churches find places within five kilometers to spend, say, $10,000-20,000?

If not, what does that say about the church?
If not, what does that say about the connection they have with their local community?
If not, what does that say about the connection they have with their neighboring churches and para-church organisations?

Hitch your wagon

In my last post about family ministry I said there were seven primary options.

As a reminder, the first two options were...

#1 - Traditional Sunday morning Sunday School consisting of an up-the-font children's talk followed by small groups.

#2 - Do a "family friendly" service on Sunday afternoon/evening, either starting or ending with dinner, with a similar look and feel of Sunday morning.

As promised, here's why I believe the two most common avenues for family ministry shouldn't be mixed.

Frankly, I think a church needs to hitch it's wagon to one plan and commit to it. Select one timeslot at the expense of the other.
Pick one, even if it does not fit the exact needs of everyone.

But choose one so people are sure what you're offering and putting your best efforts into.

Ministry Options: Families

Earlier this week I posted that, although imagination, creativity and the Holy Spirit allow for infinite possibilities, there are really only six primary roads to go down in youth ministry.

That post was inspired by thinking about ministry with families and the usual routes churches take in ministering to them.

So, again, while many options can exist, there are really only seven regularly used plans of attack...

#1 - Traditional Sunday morning Sunday School consisting of an up-the-font children's talk followed by small groups.

#2 - Do a "family friendly" service on Sunday afternoon/evening, either starting or ending with dinner, with a similar look and feel of Sunday morning.

#3 - Do a monthly "family inclusive" service on a Saturday afternoon, again involving food, along the lines of "Messy Church."

#4 - Increase face-to-face time with of the families by starting small groups, meeting weekly or fortnightly, over a meal (notice a theme?).

#5 - Put on training events and seminars that deal with issues that parent and families are interested in, providing babysitting (like talks by Steve Biddulph).

#6 - Start playgroups in order to connect with local families.

#7 -"Adopt" a local school, hopefully one where kids from your church already attend, and flood it with scripture teachers, canteen helpers, P&C members, reading helpers, open day volunteers, ect... Intentionally connecting with school families with the end point of a church plant/service on the school groups.

Or #8 - Combine any and all except the first two.

Why shouldn't the first two be run side-by-side? Find out in my next post on Saturday...

When someone else is going to get the ticket...

Last week I got a call from the mechanic that my car, Big Red, was sick and in need of expensive surgery.

I told him to not bother fixing the numerous problems.
My wife and I finally decided to stop pouring cash into that money pit.

Tomorrow I get a new car. For the first time, a BRAND NEW CAR.

As a result, I've been driving my minister's wife's car, as she is overseas.

A few days ago I was having a chat about driving a car which is registered in another name.

We noted that any infraction you do, like getting a speeding fine or parking ticket, will get found out since the ticket will go to someone else first.

As I've been driving around this week I've been having a dreaded thought in the back of my mind.

What if I get booked?
What if I get busted running red light or speeding?
How will that make me look to my minister?

Even if you're not a car hoon, the realization that any infringement will need to be explained to another person, influences the way you behave behind the wheel.

And this is why personal accountability is so effective.
It raises the stakes.
It increases the cost of making an unwise decision since someone will call you or look you in the eye.

Ministry options: Youth

Of course, there are loads of ways to "do" ministry with young people. The only thing which limits you is your imagination and child safety requirements.

In my head though, there are really six primary options (which can happen on or off site)...

#1 - Do the typical Friday night youth group with games, food, spiritual input & small groups.

#2 - Do a similar program to number 1, ending with a meal leading into the midweek or evening church service.

#3 - Have your teens meet in gender/school year based small groups with an intentionally high relational temperature.

#4 - Primarily host large events in place of weekly meetings or small groups.

#5 - Do no set activities, but initiate a one-on-one mentoring/elder support program.

#6 - Intentionally have no specialized youth programs (GASP!), but incorporate all ages into your church services.

Or #7 - Combine 1-5..

I Am vs I Do

I'm a youth minister.
I do youth ministry.

No matter if the above statements, for you, have to do with plumbing, engineering or accounting...
One is healthy.
The other is not.

When I was between jobs in 2008 one of the worst things was the loss of identify.

I dreaded the introductory question of "what do you do?" because I had no real reply.

Perhaps I needed to listen closer to the question.

When we ask someone about their job we aren't asking them about their identity. Although they can be tightly entwined, the query asks WHAT YOU DO, not WHO YOU ARE.

We need to change our response.

For I AM a husband.
I AM a son.
I AM a father.
I AM a Christian.
But I DO youth ministry.

The must ask questions for the 20 year old male to answer...

Neither of these questions are new revelations to me. In fact, I've written about both before. But, as I guy, these are the two questions I should have been asked once I burst into my second decade.

Why are you not drinking light beer?
and
Walk me through your thoughts leading up to and during (insert questionable action)?

With these two questions I could have avoided a lot of mistakes over the next decade...

It's not always a good day

Mother' Day.
Father's Day.
Christmas.

Usually these are happy times.
Usually these are days to be celebrated.
Usually...

But Father's Day 2010 sucked. Big time.

Last Sunday, on Mother's Day, I shared my tale of Father's Day 2010.

That was my first Father's Day after my Dad died from cancer.
That was my first Father's Day after our first miscarriage.
It was the first Father's Day when I started to think I might never become a Dad.

For some people, times of celebration are painful.

Mum & Dad are not words associated with warm fuzzy emotions. Instead they are paired with bitterness, anger, abusive or absent.

Mother's Day and Father's Day remind them of what they've lost or what they will never posses.

Even Christmas, in 2010 -  barely a week after out second miscarriage (which occurred the due date of our first miscarriage), sucked.

On Sunday, I acknowledged that for some present and (even if they're unaware) someone they will know, Mother's Day will be a difficult time.

So we prayed.

And it was good. Really good.

But why HERE & NOW?

I just had a great conversation with someone about church and what God is doing within them, sometimes in a fairly different ways.

The point he raised, when considering if something is "from God," don't forget to ask the further questions "IF this is from God, then why is He doing it HERE and NOW?"

For, if you ponder these questions, they will dramatically help you discern the initial one.

And if you can recognise the timing of God, especially if "the movement" doesn't match your context, then you can have a far greater appreciation for why God is going in that direction OVER THERE.

Inviting > Welcoming

Our Internet is having some issues, so I can't access the link, but yesterday I read an article on churchleaders.com which made a great point. (here is the link)

If you have the choice, don't be a welcoming church.
Be an inviting church.

Why inviting over welcoming?

Because one is active whilst the other is passive.

One goes to the people whilst the other waits for people to come to them.

Best of all? If your church is inviting, then by default, they will be welcoming to people who are invited since that's how they'll want their invitees to be treated!

The secret to going home on time

I've been doing this guy's third point in preventing burnout since the computer in the church office, which I use, is slow. Painfully slow.

The software is slow.
The Internet is horribly slow.
If you try and do more than a single task then the computer will have a fit and stall for thirty seconds.

What takes 90 seconds on a "normal" computer takes you 10 minutes in the office.

The simple solution is to bring my laptop to work and use that. No worries.

But this has an additional benefit.

For, right now, I have roughly two hours and thirty minutes. Then that's it.

That's how long it will take for the battery on my laptop to die today.

After that, it will be time to quickly wrap up whatever needs to be done on the church computer (like printing) and head to my Mum's and collect my daughter.

My laptop won't let me work until the wee hours of the night since, in my mind, we both shut down at the same time.

And incredibly... I've been getting home on time.

Can you combine flirty, single and in ministry?

I've never been single whilst working for a church.

But it was only by a matter of months.

Sometimes I wonder about single people in ministry and the challenges they must face.

Lately, I've been curious about the process just prior to dating... Flirting.

If you're working at a church, finding yourself attracted to a member of the opposite gender, when do you need to disclose this to someone?
Is there a point where you need to "have a chat about your desire to openly flirt?"
Is there a point where you get "called out" for your flirting?

Undoubtedly there's a line which, when you cross it, you'll need to disclose your desire for "potentially something more."

But... If you're a single person in ministry...
And you don't find someone at beach mission.
Or stumble over your soul mate at bible college.
Or lock eyes with a ministry colleague across a crowded conference room.

Surely the best place to find someone is church and is it reasonable to expect every relationship for the single-and-in-ministry to begin without that clumsy flirting?

The change conversation you need to count

Whenever changes happens, even for the better, something needs to, at least in part, come to an end.

Whenever something changes there will be people for whom the former ways worked better.

Whatever change occurs there will be people turning up whom would have fitted better into the previous system.

This is the inevitable risk of change.

Eventually you'll need to look someone in the eye and say that you're heading in a different direction. Even if it doesn't suit them perfectly.

You'll need to explain to someone new that what you provide is now on at an alternate time.

For...
If you change the day of the youth group, it'll clash with someone's music tutor or sports practice.
If you create an alternate family-friendly service, your target core will not only leave their former service but there will still be young families who arrive in the morning.
If you change the night of a small group then it won't mesh with someone's work or university timetable.

This is just one of the, often uncounted, costs of change.

But if the change is well thought out, with a well defined purpose, then the conversation with those "missing out" doesn't have to callously end with "sorry" but a productive invitation to be involved.

Luther was one bad MoFo

You didn't want to get on the wrong side of Martin Luther... http://ergofabulous.org/luther/

FULLTILT your prayers

So... How do you pray?
What do you actually do?

When posed with that question the answer I received and now pass on is the following...

F - Focus. Take time out. Remove distractions.

U - Up. You aren't trying to reach Nirvana, but focus on God. His nature. His promises.

L - Lay it on the Line. When you do the previous point, especially if you touch on the holiness of God, then you should be lead to see the difference between us and a perfect God. We should come before God in honest confession, mindful of the next part...

L- Lap it up! When someone comes before God in repentance, He is merciful and will forgive us. This is an awesome thing which we should revel in!

T - Thanks. We should be grateful for not only what God has just done, but reflect on all the blessings He bestows on us.

I - I want/need/like. Having showed gratitude for both large and small , we can now ask God for what we want/need. BUT, we must be mindful that God is not a cosmic genie, for if a request will not be for our good or for the advancement of God's Kingdom, then a wise God will say no. If it'll be harmful then a good God won't let you win the lottery.

L - Listen. Prayer is not a one way conversation. Whilst we may not see a burning bush, we should take time for God is direct us to places in scripture or formulate ideas.

T - Travel. Prayer shouldn't terminate at Amen. It should be a way of life.