How my past shaped the flaws of my ministry

I wrote earlier this week that every prospective minister must be queried about the flaws of the most influential minister from their past.

The reason I feel that this question is so pertinent is the effect that this had on me.

Over my decade-plus in youth ministry I seriously weighed up getting ordained.

In fact, I took the first steps towards ordination.

Ultimately, I decided against continuing down the road of ordination, but I did spend 13 years in vocational youth ministry.

And I was far from perfect.

Some of my flaws were public.

Some failings remained behind closed doors.

Some problems deeply affected those around me.

Some shortcomings directly attributed to me no longer working for the church.

Some weaknesses, ironically, contributed to me gaining the positions I did within the church.

And this final point is the reason why perspective ministers need to be asked about the problems of their spiritual predecessors.

For, some of my faults can be traced back to my youth minister.

While as a minister and a man there were many things to like and admire about him, he was also personally and professionally flawed.

And, we share some of those flaws.

In fact, I learned some of those flaws from him.

Why?

Because I benefited from some of those flaws.

I gained by being a beneficiary from these blind spots.

For example, his perceived favouritism worked in my favour. I was a part of the inner circle.

Thus, I mirrored some of his shortcomings.

I saw him expect a lot of his leaders; so did I.

He intentionally set a high relation temperature within his leadership team; I tried to do the same.

He wasn’t afraid of posing probing questions; nor do I.

But, when executed in an unhealthy manner, they can be damaging.

People feel neglected.

People feel intimidated.

You can project arrogance.

I did all of the above.

I neglected.

I could intimidate.

I could be arrogant.

And, while I need to completely own that, a root can be traced back to my spirituality formative years.

Thus the importance of my initial question.

Are those embarking upon ministry aware of the ministry baggage which they bring with them?

Even if the personally benefited from these leadership flaws, can they identify how these traits can be a negative for wider vocational ministry?