You need maturity, not a mirror

Peers can be wise. Obviously.

Peers can be supportive.

Peers are essential for working out the difficulties which are happening in your life.

But, frankly, peers can create a blind-leading-the-blind paradigm.

Often, our peers only know what we know.

They have only gone through what we have experienced.

What we require, if we want true guidance, is an older head. We need someone who is in the next one - if not multiple - life stage.

Someone who has gone through the experiences we are navigating and walked besides many who have tread the same path.

When you’re just entering the workforce, you need an experienced person in your field.

When you’re newlyweds, you need a couple with decades of matrimony behind them.

When you’re starting a family, you need someone who now has an empty nest of healthy offspring.

When you’re buying a house, you need people who have sealed a property deal.

When your marriage is struggling, you need someone who has fought through the relational tough times.

This is true for the ministers of our church.

This is true for the leaders of our bible studies.

For, we need age, not peers.

We need maturity, not a mirror.

How should a youth group or church respond to a traumatic event on the other side of the world?

Event.

Reporting.

Reaction.

Reaction to the reaction.

This is the modern news-cycle.

So, how should a church respond to a newsworthy event?

Most of the time, if the event is detected from the congregation personally or geographically, I don’t think there needs to be much more than an acknowledgement.

Name the tragedy. 

Pray about the event.

But, business should proceeded like normal.

No radical change of plans is required.

Of course, this won’t be the case if it’s an event like 911.

Then, all your plans get tossed into the air.

But, not every event is 911.

Most aren’t.

For example, the death of Charlie Kirk isn’t a schedule destroyer if you’re in Australia.

Now, I write that without the intention of offending anyone.

Yes, his death was horrific.

Absolutely, his murder was newsworthy.

But, his assassination must be held in perspective. 

Not one person will have known Charlie Kirk personally.

Not one person will have gone to one of his events.

And, if we change our plans because of a disconnected event on the other side of the world, then we lessen the impact for nearer tragedies.

Personal tragedies.

Community shaping events.

These should redefine what you are doing.

Then, you need to provide more than just an acknowledgement and an additional prayer point.

You need to provide support.

Physical support. 

Emotional support.

Spiritual support.

You need to provide space.

Physical space. 

Emotional space.

Spiritual space.

You need to reinforce the basis of the gospel.

Goodness.

Trust.

Grace.

These are the ways to respond to tragedy.

And, if your going to set aside your original plans, these are the pillars which you build the new plans around - support, space and the gospel.

The thoughts which must be haunting a church visitor

At my school I am both the coordinator for incoming year 7’s and Peer Support. As such, I get the…. privilege… to see brand new high school students from their very first days.

For some kids, coming to high school isn’t too scary.

Of course, the campus is new and it’s full of large unfamiliar people, but there are some things which can soften the initial shock - friends and siblings.

Having an older sibling will allow a youngster to see a family member confidently negotiate the incoming change.

Having a social group (usually from their primary school) will allow a student familiar peers to face the new obstacles with.

Not every student have these softeners.

Every year contains students who are throughly on their lonesome.

Maybe you remember your first day at high school.

Frankly, I don’t remember mine. But, I certainly did have a day when I initially walked into my high school for the first time.

Do you recall your first day at church?

Again, I don’t recall mine. But I know it would have been when I was in, or around, year 7.

But, I have entered plenty of churches for the first time.

Sometimes it has been as a new employee.

Other times it has been as a potential congregant.

Certainly, no matter the reason, it has always been easier if there has been someone whom I already know or I am not entering by myself.

That’s why, I think the bravest church-seeker is the single young adult.

If they are searching for a new church, no matter if they are a believer or someone exploring Christianity, there is a decent chance that they are doing so alone.

This should make any single-twenty-something visitor to a church a minor miracle.

They are, potentially, stepping into a foreign space for the first time in many years.

They are, potentially, back into the shoes of themselves on day-one of high school.

And, again, already familiar relationships soften the landing in a new church.

But, if you’re a young adult who has moved into a new area, searching for a new faith community must be quite intimidating.

I wonder, if we remain mindful of our first day of high school, how would it affect the way we view and treat those who are visiting our places of worship for the first time?

The REAL purpose of High School

Of course, the answer is to learn.

Der.

As a teacher, this SHOULD be my response.

But, as a teacher, I also know that school doesn’t work for everyone.

For some kids, learning is not the primary purpose of school.

It’s certainly not the primary result.

Frankly, it wasn’t for me.

I was more interested in hanging with my mates and having fun.

Lunch was, at least, of equal importance as any other part of the school day.

I learnt to love studying after my years in high school.

For some kids, the structures of school, don’t combine well with their personalities or upbringing.

It would be an imaginary pipe-dream to think that every high schooler had a passion for their education.

This is why I think that formal education is only a part of the point of high school.

Personally, I think that high school is a success if you discover three things.

An identity.

A tribe.

A passion.

You should leave high school with a firm idea of what you believe. What you stand up for. What you will stand against.

This is your identity.

You should leave with a group you belong to. A bunch of people who accept you. A group you find support in. 

This is your tribe.

You should leave high school with a sense of what you enjoy. What you’re good at. What interests you.

This is your passion.

Over the six years of high school, if all you leave with is a result which concluded with your final exams, then I think you’ve missed some of the most significant elements of high school.

If you depart with an identity, tribe and passion, then you’re equipped to launch into your next stage of life - even if you don’t academically achieve everything you could have.

With a firm identity, a supportive tribe and a passion to drive you, then you’re ready for the next steps of young-adulthood.

Having a way to tap into the wealth of knowledge in your community

Both schools and churches hold a similar role when it comes to the young people in their midst: they are places for guidance.

Of course, this guidance is influenced by their values and culture, but any advice dished out should be in the best interest of the youngster.

Arguably, the best form of advice is based in experience.

Fortunately, both schools and churches hold within them mountains of experience.

Job experiences.

Education experiences.

Life experiences.

But, these experiences can only be useful if they are known.

For example…

I’ve been divorced.

I’ve been through two miscarriages.

I’ve been in ministry for over a decade.

I’ve got a theology degree.

I’ve worked as a water/gas meter reader.

I’m in a position to give some (possibly valuable) advice about these and a heap of other topics.

Everyone has places where they hold some expertise.

But, these can only be made use of if they are known by those who are being put forward as advice dispensers.

Ideally, the youth minister or career adviser has a way to determine what expertise exists within their school or church.

Put simply, it may involve nothing more than a short survey which asks what experiences the responder has and if they would be prepared to chat about these experiences if an opportunity arose.

There’s a chance that no one in my public high school will ever show an interest in pursuing youth ministry or gaining theological training, but I’m fairly confident the advice I may provide will be better than someone who has never entered a church or has any idea how you select a place to do your B.Th.

How every ministry event should end

This event will end at (insert time here) and you are then free to leave. No questions asked.

But, you don’t have to leave at the allotted time. You can stick around for some unstructured time a while (usually until the leader is departing).

This is how every ministry event should end.

A firm finish so time so people can know when the event will definitely conclude.

A flexible finish time so ministry or fellowship can casually continue.

To advertise both is essential and a healthy ministry - be it a church service, small group, youth/young adults activity - will have both.

When are we satisfied with spiritual literacy?

I’ve just started reading a book about reading.

To quote my youngest, when she spotted the book next to my bed, “that sounds boring.”

Honestly, it may well end up being a dull slog.

Hopefully, the book will, at least, help me be able to teach advanced literacy somewhat better to my senior classes.

Currently, the book is making the good point about the way we teach literacy in schools.

In general, we’re satisfied by year 6. Maybe year 8.

When our students are younger, we heavily focus on literacy. We have to, they are still learning language.

But, our focus on literacy quickly drops away in high school. Due to the sheer amount of content that our subjects need to plough through, literacy becomes incidental.

Really, the only time high schools are forced to focus on literacy in the upper grades is to have their students meet the minimum standards required in order to complete year 12.

Minimum. Standards.

This is around the literacy level of a decent year 8 or 9.

The book I’m reading makes the point that this is around the age/level that we cease teaching intentional literacy.

How to read. 

How to skim. 

How to note-take. 

How to form an argument.

Grammar.

All of these tend to stagnate in junior high.

I wonder if a similar thing happens in our churches.

We intentionally teach them about the faith while they are children and teens.

Then, we start to drop this focus.

We start to settle for the minimum standard (like the ones I posted about in my last post).

We don’t really hold our congregations to an adult level of understanding.

Because we are saved by grace, not by our ability to pass a theological exam, we allow our adults to stagnate in their understanding.

No one is expected to genuinely wrestle with the concept of the trinity or the early heresies of the church.

No one is expected to be aware of the spread of the faith and the obstacles the early church had to overcome.

No one is expected to wrestle with the difficult passages of the bible unless they are touched on via the pulpit.

Are our churches, like it could be argued that our schools, only producing underdeveloped “products” because we don’t expect them to reach beyond the minimum standard?

Should parents fell bad about skipping church during the school holidays?

I’ve usually skipped church with my kids during the school holidays.

When I worked for a church, I usually expected the same.

So, should a parent feel guilty about their school-holiday endured absence?

Not according to the Tiny Bible Bit which I just wrote…

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 - These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

If you have a family with younger children, then there’s a decent chance that it’s been a few weeks since you’ve attended church.

It’s understandable.

Many churches shut down their Sunday morning children’s ministry activities while the school holidays are on (as they are in Australia, and will be for the rest of the month).

So, should churches fell like they are spiritually neglecting the youngest members of their flock?

Deuteronomy 6 doesn’t think so.

Why? 

Because the primary spiritual direction a child should receive (ideally) is within the home.

The parents should be living out their faith in front of their children.

The parents should be sharing the stories of faith with their children.

The parents, just through the regular processes of the day, should be intersecting life and spirituality often.

Of course, the children’s ministry of a church should play a significant role in helping nurture the fledgling spirituality of a child, but Deuteronomy 6 stresses that this should stretch far beyond a few hours on a Sunday.

The indicator that you’re not a Young Adult anymore

As a married guy in my 40’s, with two kids, I’m a significant distance away from being a young adult.

I’m certainly outside the scope of the young adult ministry demographic.

But my wife, a decade younger than I, was still on the edges of this demo when she started attending our current church.

Thus, I'm still loosely attached to the young adult chatter at my church.

I hear about updates.

I read about events.

I get notified about some things of the things in and around the evening service.

None really apply to me.

And, as I hear, read and get notified, I’m constantly reminded why.

I’m too tired.

I’m too busy.

I’m too… swamped in adulting.

I’m not a uni student on holidays.

I’m not a late-night reveller after the evening service.

I’m not a casual-hangout type person.

In fact, most of the activities they have in place are… unappealing.

Because I’ve got to get up in the morning.

I’ve got bills to pay.

I’ve got a mountain of work to do.

But I didn’t really when I was a twenty-something. Or even before I had kids.

As a young adult, staying at church until after midnight was appealing.

Now, it’s one of the last things I’d want to do on a Sunday night.

A marker that you’re no longer a young adult is that the things which attract and appeal to young adults are… anything but.

Every-changing contextual concerns

I really don’t care about your first-year-university 1500-word essay due in 10 days.

I just don’t.

I may care about you as a person and fellow believer, but my tolerance for your problems-of-a-twenty-year-old has, frankly, softened.

Now, I care far more about the effect that changing interest rates has had on your mortgage payments.

I care more about your teething, whinging offspring.

I care more about your trouble to conceive.

I care more about your in-laws visiting for a fortnight.

As I get older, the things I care about, pastorally, has shifted.

Now, I care about the things which align with my life stage.

Now, my concerns revolve around workplace relationships and squabbling siblings.

Now, my concerns revolve around unexpected car accidents and appliance breakdowns.

Now, my concerns revolve around aging parents and juggling the demands of a busy extracurricular calendar.

Now, I’m more concerned about rekindling romantic vacations and the stress of an inspection by your supervisor.

Most of all, I’m concerned about your relationship with Jesus.

But, the extent of my concern is contextually framed by my life stage.

I assume, as I get older, I’ll start being increasingly concerned about superannuation, dying parents and children’s future plans.

And, mirroring my concerns about university assignments, first cars and entry-level jobs, the midlife concerns will start to fall by the wayside.

Our leadership demands shape those who are actually able to volunteer

When you become an adult the way you get involved in church has to change.

You work full time.

You may be married.

You may have kids.

You’ve got financial duties.

You’ve only got limited holidays.

As a young adult, these pressures can be far less. 

You can arrive at church by 3pm on a weekday.

You can stay late on a Sunday night.

You can commit to a weekly roster.

You can set aside a week for a mission trip.

Part of the reason that church volunteers, especially within their ministries to children and teens, are primarily young adults and retirees is due to the demands that we place upon our recruits.

These don’t work for many adults.

For, they need to work long into the evening.

They need to be up early on a Monday morning.

They need to juggle family and extended-family responsibilities.

They only have a limited or fixed amount of disposable income or holiday allotment.

In short, life isn’t as flexible.

So, this inhibits what they can be involved in.

Can this be used as a convenient excuse? 

Sometimes.

Should it make churches even more appreciative of their adult volunteers?

Absolutely.

Most importantly, it shouldn’t come as a surprise - when they consider the demands or restrictions they place upon those who volunteer - the kind of people who are willing or able to step and and actively help out.

The loss which comes from now waking up for church

In general, if you’re young and somewhat independent, the likelihood of you attending church in the evening increases.

As the years pass by and you progress through the life stages - especially marriage and having children - your chances of migrating to attending church in the morning rises.

The reasons are sometimes purely logistical.

You don’t want to stay out late on a Sunday night since you’ll have work tomorrow.

Your schedule over the weekend is more available on a Sunday morning.

Your young kids can’t stay out too long after sunset.

Your church only has a children’s ministry for your offspring in the morning.

Due to the point above, there will be others in the same life stage as you in the morning.

But, the transition from the evening service to the morning isn’t always one that is navigated well.

And leaving the later service for the earlier one can come with an associated grief.

You lose connections - both pastoral and friendships.

You lose routine - everything from “your” car spot to “your” seat.

And, while you also gain from the transition in the morning - a wider mix of ministry options, a wider spread of generations, usually an increase in attendance - the losses from the evening are still real.

While I was in ministry, it was usually unspoken - but expected - that inevitably the young adults who were married would migrate to the morning service.

But, often, these losses don’t get acknowledged.

Does Mardi Gras impact the gay church’s Sunday like NYE?

Last month Sydney hosted Pride Month, punctuated with the annual Mardi Gras.

This is not a post about the festival. Nor homosexuality.

But, as the streets were being cleaned on the Sunday morning, I was reminded of New Years Eve.

A big party.

A celebration.

A late night.

Last year, NYE was on a Saturday and, consequently, quite a few churches modified their Sunday services.

Some cancelled them alltogether.

A lot of them binned their evening service.

Or, at least they toned down their service structure.

In the past, I’ve done all of the options above. Total closure. Limited services. Only hosting a “casual gathering”.

Why is this so?

Why do we cancel services on New Years Day?

Is it to grant minister’s a holiday?

Well, church can still go ahead without an ordained person…

Is it because attendance will be lower?

Well, church services have been ill-attended often without the door preemptively being slammed shut…

Is it because the church expects that their young adults will be - at best - sleepy from a late night or - at worst - nursing a hangover?

Surely. Not. 

This should never be something we expect and definitely not condone, be it in a spoken or unspoken manner.

On the back of Mardi Gras, did churches with predominantly gay congregations change their plans for the following day?

Did they cancel or tweak?

Frankly, I don’t know.

I’m not particularly exposed to gay congregations, especially now that I no longer  work for an affirming denomination.

But, I suspect, those who minister to the gay community ramped UP their ministry, not turned things down.

I suspect, they saw it was an opportunity.

So, should the wider church - the next time NYE falls on a Saturday - seek for ways to use this as a ministry opportunity, not an excuse to slink back further into the shadows?

What would the local church look like without the nearby mega-church?

Often what I teach still turns my mind towards ministry and the church. 

Alongside history, I also teach geography.

When thinking about migration and the talent drain this has on lesser developed nations, my mind turned to mega-churches.

Across the globe, including Australia, more developed countries have access to the brightest and most promising refugees and migrants. Being a skilled immigrant will open doors across boarders.

But, in doing so, it weakens the home nation.

They lose doctors. 

They lose engineers.

They lose scientists.

A similar thing happens with the local church and it’s mega-church neighbour.

Far too often, drawn in by the attraction of resources, personalities and numbers, the best and brightest within congregations will migrate to a nearby mega-church.

The small church loses musicians.

The small church loses young adults.

The small church loses emerging leaders.

And the large church hoovers up the winnings.

This weakens the local church.

So, my question is… Would the local church be healthier without the mega-church?

What would the local church look like without the talent and skill drain of the regional ecclesiastical metropolis?

The secret sauce of men’s ministry

Sometimes we complicate ministry.

We give it structure.

We add administration.

We want a funky name and logo.

Effective ministry to men can usually forgo this.

It needs, alongside the logistical needs of a time & place, two requirements.

1. A non threatening environment.

2. Mature male Christians.

If you nail these two… men will more likely come and ministry will naturally occur.

I’m planning to put this to the test.

I’m hoping to do something new.

Time. Place. Food. Chat. No RSVP. No booking. No regular commitment.

Just a location for guys to meet up over dinner.

Somewhere to get to know the guys from church better.

Somewhere non threatening to invite your non Christian mates.

Somewhere to fill your belly and have a chat.

Hopefully, with fewer hoops to jump through, guys will be more likely to take the leap.

The new battleground for remaining “above reproach”

Now the overseer is to be above reproach… 1 Timothy 3:2a.

This is the aim.

No suspicions.

No avenues for gossip.

No hints of impropriety.

When I was a youth group leader in the early 2000’s, and we were weighing up how 1 Timothy 3:2 may apply to those in leadership within our ministry with teens, there was a contentious battleground.

Cars parked in front of houses overnight.

Especially that of the person you are dating.

Why?

Because, if someone recognises the car of your significant other, and the vehicle in question remains stationary from dusk to dawn… what do you think the conclusion is going to be?

You had a sleepover.

And we all know what that leads to…

S. E. X.

Especially of the premarital variety.

Of course, this isn’t a guarantee.

You can share a bed and not have intercourse.

You could be sleeping in separate rooms.

You could have gone to another location and responsibly carpooled.

You could… just not be having sex. Anything else, but sex. Scrabble for example.

But, you will leave yourself open to the accusation or assumption.

Now, I believe there is a new battleground for remaining “above reproach.”

Social media.

The imprint you leave can open the door to suspicion.

You’re both on holidays together… posting your pictures online.

You’re both geolocated together in the early hours of the mourning.

You’re both tagged together all weekend, clearly too far away to be staying back in your own beds.

It’s then very easy to connect the dots.

It’s easy to raise eyebrows.

It’s easy to wonder… what’s exactly going on with the sleeping arrangements.

And… you leave yourself open to the accusation and assumption.

But I suspect that this doesn’t slip into the thinking of many young youth group leaders.

Just as it didn’t trigger curb side alarm bells two decades ago.

In a context where sex should be spoken about and integrity matters - youth group - maybe this new 1 Timothy 3:2 battleground should be weighed up and discussed far more openly.

Why I showed a bunch of non-preachers how you prepare a sermon

Meditation.

Investigation.

Reflection.

These are the steps I took a group of young adults through last night.

In short, we went through the process that you’d go through in order to write a sermon.

Meditation: Think deeply and slowly about the text. Note anything that jumps out, surprises or raises questions.

Investigation: Research the details of the passage and delve into some of the things raised as you meditated on the passage. Use resources of various types and depths.

Reflection: Write out your thoughts. Make connections. Draw out application. Share your thoughts with others.

Obviously, I won’t be delivering a sermon on Sunday based upon the passage we dealt with last night.

No one in the room will be.

But, in going through the process, it exposes those present to the steps a preacher will undergo and, more importantly, arm them with an effective method to deeply interact with a bible passage.

The harm of having a window for taboo topics?

How often does your church preach on controversial issues?

How often do they intentionally speak about current trends?

How often will they directly address the questions you’re most likely to have?

In youth ministry, these are must-hit targets.

You must teach on the things at the both core and cutting edge of youth culture.

But, I’m not sure that these targets are as intentionally hit from most pulpits.

Will they speak on taboos if the intersect with the biblical passage they were preaching on nonetheless? You’d hope so. But, these hot-button issues are often touched on by happenstance than design.

What effect does this have?

If a church tiptoes around controversial issues, surely this risks putting it out of touch, for the messages from the pulpit won’t intersect with the water cooler in the workplace.

This evasion not only paints the church as irrelevant, but fails to equip church members to engage with uneasy topics.

Furthermore, if their church shys away from the meatier topics, this weakens those who are new to the faith.

It would be a tremendous detriment if the taboo window slammed shut after, say, the age of 25.

If a church wants their people to live fruitfully in the world then they shouldn’t  remain silent on Sunday about the issues discussed on Monday.

The aim is to be in a group beyond nice

We have all been in a group which is nice.

No one objects.

No one disagrees.

No one argues.

No one is… honest.

Instead, everyone is nice.

Churches are… nice.

Bible studies are… nice.

Meetings are… nice.

But the truth is, we need more than nice.

In a safe space… We need truth.

In a respectful manner… We need challenge.

This is the kind of churches we need.

This is the kind of small groups we need.

This is the kind of meetings we need.

Why?

Because nice doesn’t produce growth.

The power of saying you agree

I, sometimes unhelpfully, like to think that I’m the smartest person in the room.

Or the funniest.

Or the one who is the “most insightful.”

The reality is, of course, that this is really true.

Nonetheless, one of the consequences of this delusion is that I’ll speak up in small groups I’m comfortable in.

I’ll put in my two-cents.

I’ll be the one to crack the joke.

I’ll also be the one who will play the “alternate viewpoint.” 

With this being the case, I did something a little unexpected during the week.

I agreed with someone.

Completely.

Without reservation.

In a small group setting, like a bible study, this is something which can often go unspoken.

I can, if I’m in agreement, just allow a statement to sit and the conversation to move forward.

Why?

Because I’ll only interject if a have something to add. 

Or correct.

This strips the speaker of the power of validation.

My silence can deny the sharer with the encouragement of solidarity.

As someone who may be renowned as being a contrarian, speaking up and saying that you wholeheartedly agree, can hold a power which is a far better use of your words than staying silent or waiting for your moment to interject.