Mug head

I know, with all the paranoia around with swine flu, i shouldn't inject another debilitating sickness upon the world. But, as a public service announcement, i must.

My condition? Mug head.

What you ask? Well... I'll tell you the steps you go through to be diagnosed with mug head.

First, you have a ear which gives you mild discomfort. Not pain, but discomfort.

This discomfort, located on the head side of the ear, not internally, lasts a day or so.

With the assistance of your wife, you have a splinter removed from the offending area. Yes, when you stick your head in shrubs to read water meters, you can get splinter on the back of your ear!

You then think the whole ordeal is resolved.

You are wrong.

Instead, a few hours later your head looks like a car with one door open. Your left ear attempts to detach itself from the rest of your head whilst turning red.

Eventually, you are an abomination against God and your fellow man. You are a source of laughter and ridicule for all who see your deformed head and are thankful you wear a hat at work.

A day later the condition still remains, with your ear is still trying to flap away from its home, but it's losing the battle.

What does the future hold? Either a) your ear eventually drops off, b) your ear needs to be removed Van Gough style, or c) you recover fully. I'll update you as my condition allows.

Oh... Why mug head? Well a person with ears that stick out is rightfully called a trophy head (with two handles on either side), but in my present state, i only have one protruding handle (thus a mug).

So be warned. Mug head may sweep the world and i will be the outbreak monkey...