Freeze... CCP

I'm thinking of starting a secret organisation. We will go undercover... deep undercover... to find offenders red-handed.

The name? The Church Cringe Police.

We will swoop in on any unaware services that have meandering, long winded, church notices.

We will pounce on any church whose PA has a low, intermittent, buzzing sound.

We will infiltrate any church that has a news letter that contains 80's Clip-art.

We will creep into any church whose PowerPoint is inadequate. No mercy on those who have mismatching colours, typos or 65-words-in-10-point-New-Times-Roman on each slide.

We will be show little sympathy to any congregation that welcomes church guests in a cringe-worthy manner. No stand-and-introduce-yourself. No church-applaud-for-the-visitor.

Finally, we will bring sophisticated equipment that can detect any music which is off tune, off beat or more than two decades out of date.

So beware... the CCP will be on the prowl.