The shifting hierarchy of needs

People have a physical and psychological hierarchy of needs.

If you've ever watched Man vs Wild then you'll know that the most important things for survival are water, shelter, fire & food. Everything else can wait.

In therapy, it's not uncommon for the therapist to asses/deal with these basic physical needs first - particularly sleep and diet - before embarking on the emotional or mental ailments which have required the person to seek help.

An unspoken hierarchy of needs also exists within my youth groups leaders.

Have you just started going through a season?
Did your relationship just end?
Did you just lose your job?
Did a friend just die?
Are your parents going through divorce procedures?
Are you in the middle of exams?
Are you or a family member sick?
Are you extra stressed?
Even, depending on how it affects your mood, are you on your period?

All of these things, and many more, will elevate you, to varying degrees, on the hierarchy of needs.

Then, in the seemingly random schedule of "dates" I have with my leaders, they'll get bumped up the order or I'll ensure that their favourite chocolate "happens" to be at church when they next arrive.

Solutions are linear, not triangular

Let's say that Person A has an unresolved issue with Person B.

The best way to fix the problem, or at least make positive headway, is for Person A to speak to Person B, in love, directly.

The problem that infects a lot of relationships, no matter how personal, professional or - gasp - even within the church, is when Person C is drawn in.

This triangulates the problem.

More of often than not, Person A discussing a problem with Person B to Person C is not a step towards a resolution. If anything, it allows the issue to spread.

I suspect, this is one of the reasons God is so critical of gossip and the best response, when someone brings a problem to you which your not involved in, is to say "speak to them about it, not me."

Are you worth the cost?

Back in 2011 I wrote a post about giving in churches and the scary notion of converting the amount given into an amount a minister would "earn" if they were dependent on an individual service or "charged" by the hour.

All too often, whilst the senior minister might eat, all their family might not (let's not even consider anyone else on staff!).

But... if we run the numbers... How much would someone need to "pay" per week in order for their church offerings to "break even" with a minister's stipend?

Let's say that a senior minister earns $70,000 per year. 

In a church of 100 givers, NOT members, each giving unit (read singles, couples or families) would need to give approximately $13.50 per week in order to "afford" their minister through offerings alone.

If you throw in a full-time youth/children's/family/community/pastoral care worker (or multiple part-time equivalents), the you'd need to tack on an extra $10 per week in order to cover their wage.

So, in short, $25 per week approximately covers staffing costs for most medium sized churches in Australia.

But, the challenge should extend to those who are drawing that wage.

Are the people getting "their money's worth?"

Did you invest enough in them in order to "earn" your $10?
Were they served enough in order to feel like this week was a good investment?
Did you encourage, engage, resource and challenge them enough to "deserve" your "payment" this week?
Did you draw them into an encounter with God that was not only worth their time, but also money?

Why I showed my leaders that we lost money in 2014

Last year our youth group lost exactly $229.75 ($336.55 if our end-of-year-lock-in didn't bail us out).

2014 was the first year I'd actually audited the books in order to come up with a conclusive profit/loss figure.

As anyone in ministry with young people is aware, you don't get into it to save or make money. Every week, for something - like a cupcake for a teens birthday - you're diving into your hip-pocket.

I get that these kinds of expenses are a part of my job.
It comes with the turf.

Of the +$200 that the youth group lost, almost all of it "fell" out of my wallet.

At the start of this year I shared the financial figures with the youth group leaders.

It wasn't to cry poor. Nor was I after reimbursement or pity.

But, I thought that it was best for the leaders to KNOW and be aware of what the youth group ACUALLY costs.

This way, when a kid - who will be welcome no matter how much money is in their pocket - once again "forgets" to bring the small cost for youth group, they can see that it all adds up pretty quickly...

Even though the worst-case-scenario ALMOST NEVER happens...

Thinking about the worst-case-scenario of every and all situations is not fun nor a productive way to live your life. If you spent all your mental and emotional time and energy processing what could go wrong, then your life would be ruled by fear and uncertainty.

As I wrote here, as has happened to me on MANY occasions, the worst-case-scenario usually doesn't happen. In fact, the worst-case-scenario ALMOST NEVER happens.

BUT, I think there's value in being aware of the more "predictable" worst-case-scenarios.

Whilst you shouldn't live life paralyzed with fear that a meteor or tsunami will wipe you out at any time, we should at least, consider some of the more common or concerning consequences of our own, or others, actions.

For, while the worst-case-scenario is usually averted, having played out the scenario can make us better prepared for the approaching calamity.

The problem with 50 Shades and Twilight

No, I won't be watching 50 Shades of Grey on Valentine's Day. Or any day.

It's not because I'm a prude. In fact, as I wrote here, I'm fairly un-offendable when it comes to a lot of things, including sex.

It has far more to do with the reasons outlined all over the web, like here, and television, as Lisa Wilkinson does, slamming the movie because it's poorly-written glorified domestic and sexual abuse.

And that's my problem. The message this movie sends about sex. The reason I won't be watching 50 Shades is spelt out as the second lie about sex described in this article.

In 50 Shades, sex is an act of taking.
In 50 Shades, sex is about manipulation, dominance, humiliation, power and selfishness.

This flies in the face of what sex was meant to be and what good sex encapsulates.

Sex, at the core, should be an act of giving - physically, emotionally, relationally, experientially - not taking.
Sex should be an act of putting the other person first, seeking their benefit and enjoyment.
Sex should be an act of connection and intimacy, built within a system of trust, commitment and love.

Unfortunately, 50 Shades of Grey is to adult sexual relations, what Twilight was to teenage romances (and you can read here what I thought about Twilight).

A damaging, crappy, example of a deeply unhealthy relationship.

A celebration of something incredibly damaging, which, if we witnessed it play out in real life - especially involving people we cared about - we would call it out for what it is, something harmful, manipulative and fundamentally abusive.

Don't believe me? See if you can stomach this review outlining the various abusive elements throughout the trilogy.

The 5 problem areas in youth ministry

Volunteer (heck, even "professional") children's and youth group leaders, in churches all over the world, have the same struggles which can be broken into the following five categories...

If you picked one of the following topics and zoned in on it over the next five training events, the level of anxiety amongst your leaders would greatly reduce...

If the resources you provide touch on these five areas, then your leaders will feel vastly more prepared for their tasks on a Friday afternoon/night...

The five problematic areas for those ministering to young people are...

Running Effective Games/Activities
Leading Effective Small Groups/Dealing with Kids Questions
Crowd Control/Discipline
Creativity/Thinking Up New Ideas
Relating with Youth

Why I play hide-and-seek on a Sunday morning

It's not unusual that a number of blog posts follow a single theme. Lately, it's been playing games.

I've written here about the awesomeness of hide-and-seek with my youth group leaders. But I also routinely play the game with the church kids on a Sunday morning.

Admittedly, the game kills the random few minutes while you're waiting for the service to wind down, involves no set up, needs little explanation and almost runs itself...

But, like many things, there's a larger agenda going on in the background.

For the BEST thing about hide-and-seek are the moments you have with the two kids who are "in" whilst the rest of the youngsters are hiding.

It's during these few minutes that you get precious one-on-one time with kids to begin connecting conversations.

When a kid needs the win

Yesterday I posted about playing games in youth group. In short, I said that leaders shouldn't aim to win games, unless challenged. Then they can unleash an ominous fury.

Last night I played a game in violation of the guidelines I give my leaders.

I "arranged" the outcome of a game in order to give a kid who needed it a win.

Sure, something unexpected could have happened and my plan could have failed, but I trusted that I could maintain enough of the variables so that the last two people in the game were myself and the in-need-of-a-win teen.

And win he did.

Now, in the previous round the guy had been one of the final handful surviving so it was completely plausible that everything was legit, but... he had some assistance when he was victorious.

So, for a few moments...
At the end of a tough week...
In front of everyone...
At a game I previously declared that I was pretty good at...
He beat the leader...

Because he needed the win.

And, when he was picked up, I made sure to mention that he beat me.
Because his Mum needed to hear that he won also.

When you can humble the kids

I've written before that youth group leaders should strive to achieve no higher than bronze in any game which is played. Ideally, leaders should never win an activity outright - using their advanced experience, co-ordination and general skill - sine they have an unfair advantage.

In a team situation, you shouldn't skew the game heavily in your favour just because you've played a few hundred games of dodgeball and have literally practiced throwing a ball at an unsuspecting victim thousands of times.

But, there is a time when you can crush a teen in competition.

When they challenge you.

If you challenge me at pool or snooker... I'll normally win. Decisively.
If you challenge me at table tennis... I won't go easy on you.
If you challenge me in a game like boggle, I might allow you to get close.

Now, in light of the "manipulation" which may be required to avoid winning, you might feel like you're hustling the kids...

And sure, if a kid's at youth group for the first time, you might not want to mercilessly wipe the floor with them...

But for a regular teen with the gall to call you out (especially teenage boys!)?
Let the light-hearted humbling begin...

Why a youth minister's marriage matters for others

I started this post about having older Christian examples of the opposite gender by asking the question "What does a Christian man actually look like?"

I ask because, for many youth and young adults, they have very few examples due to the absent Boomer generation in many churches.

But, I wonder, would I get a similarly hazy response to the question "What does a Christian marriage look like?"

Now, depending on the demographics within your church, there may be a plethora of marriages for you to observe. But, alike the situation created by the lack of the immediate generation above, there may be far fewer "first-decade marriages between two Christians" to observe and learn from.

This is especially important for a youth minister if they are married.

For, their marriage is the walking sermon of their dating and relationship talks. 

If you're going to recommend that marriage is something of value and a worthwhile relational investment, then you'd better back up those words with a type of marriage which is as healthy as possible.

Why?

Because, for some, when they think of a marriage between Christians, yours will be the one which springs into their mind first.