Monday, November 15, 2010

Submit-ment problem?

How was your day?
Mine was great. Really great.
Thanks for asking...

Yesterday i gave my quickie advice to potential spouses and my last point reminded me of an objection a have occasionally heard about submission within marriage.

Some females have told me that they are offended at the idea that a wife should submit to her husband.

Personally, i don't see a problem with it. And no, I'm not a chauvinist jerk.
Normally my response is to enquire what type of spouse they will have. Will the husband be like those described in the New Testament?


For I don't have a problem... as long as the bloke is a husband in the biblical mold. If he loves you like Christ loves the church, then what's the problem?

Submission is not about domination, it is about leadership and accountability. Marriage has one leader and it happens to be the guy.

Anything with two heads isn't healthy, it is a freak.

So... if you're husband loves you in a sacrificial manner, putting your needs ahead of his, treating you like Jesus treats his bride... would submitting to him be so awful?

It's not like it doesn't go both ways...

4 comments:

Claire said...

What about women who are married to men who are weak. Yes, they exist. They are usually married to strong women.
I may not be married but I feel that in marriage the wife should not feel that she has to submit to her husband.
Yes. Whether deep down or right there on the surface, every woman wants to feel protected and kept safe by a man.
I feel that you're saying that the husband will care for his wife as much as he can and consider her in everything but ultimately make the final call in everything, even if sometimes its not what she wants.
No matter how caring and compassionate the husband is in considering his wife in making decisions, the woman should feel like she is contributing equally to everything. Rather than just having her ideas, plans, whatever just considered.
As for two heads?
If the two heads are working together properly they should function like one head anyway.

Alison said...

Hmmm, great benchmark - the husband described in the New Testament, haven't heard it put that simply before. :) Definitely submitting to a husband like that should be like each of us submitting to Christ, where it's a wonderful, fulfilling relationship.

A question that comes to mind for me is submission in the context of guy/girl relationships pre marriage. Does submitting also mean that females should be waiting for guys to take the lead in asking us out? I think the answer is probably yes, but my heart wants to hear a different answer. Mine is probably a submit-ment problem, not submitting to Christ in this arena!

Graham said...

Claire,

Remember, mutual submission under God is the over-riding command of Paul. This is true in the home and workplace.

In my original instance the advice was to a would-be husband. The idea was that he should become the kind of man who would definitely consider, and when it makes sense, yield to the wisdom of his spouse. This isn't about dominating every decision, but overall accountability.

Accountability stops with the husband.

Are there husbands that aren't worthy of being submitted to? Sure. They totally exist. But this is not the biblical ideal that Paul speaks or the calling that he places before the believers.

I won’t pretend that, in some non-ideal contexts, it would be easy, practical or advisable to submit.

Alison... Um... I think the covenantal nature of marriage distinguishes it from dating in terms of leadership.

But many dating issues aren't touched on in the NT since it simply didn't exist. They usually fall into the wisdom category and being guided by your conscience and Godly advice.

I would like to think that a guy would ask a girl out, but I don't think we need to be legalistic about the issue.

But you’ve both given me something to think about...

Tony Jones said...

Hey Graham,

just came across the following quote over at this blog and thought you might be interested to read it in light of your post...

" In Christian marriage, the spousal relationship is not the only one that characterizes the involvement of a man and wife. For Christians, a wife is married to her brother in Christ. All the passages in Scripture about marriage are relevant to a Christian wife, but all the passages about walking with a brother in the Lord are also relevant to her.

This means a wife will not be a good sister in Christ if she engages in behavior that tends to lead her husband into sin (Rom 14:23), or if she avoids rebuking her husband in his sin (Luke 17:3; Gal 6:1-2).

One of God’s greatest gifts to me is a sister in Christ who sees me more closely than anyone else and, so, is equipped to point out sin in my life that nobody else sees. Marital submission does not mean that a wife ceases to be a fellow Christian along with her husband. Likewise, marital authority does not insulate a man from being helped in his sanctification by his wife."