Should you pair up dating leaders?

I’ve written before about the possibility, nay probability, that leaders in Christian ministry - if both single of course (?) - will be romantically interested in each other, date and, importantly for the following point, cultivate some church nervousness.

But, before I give my opinion, I want to make a few things clear.

Love is good.

Dating can be good. And throughly godly.

Young adults dating can be a powerful testimony, especially to those younger than them.

When teaching young people about dating, having leaders who are dating in a loving and godly way can be a true blessing.

But... I’d still try to avoid the dating leaders leading together.

Now, in some cases this won’t be possible or practical. If there are only three youth group leaders, you can’t and shouldn’t give one a timeout because they are now attached.

With this said, I would seek to create some space between the two leaders.

Why?

Because they could breakup at any time.

Relationships are messy.

And they can still be an influence upon those they minister to.

So, does the distancing need to be messy?

Frankly, no.

Ideally, you just sit your leaders down and tell them honestly that them ministering apart from the added pressure of their relationship will be advantageous. They don’t need to fret if they are cranky with each other.

Alternatively, you can just say that, while juggling all the other things which accompany pastorally caring for teens, having their focus also - unavoidably - being directed at their partner is a distraction which can be unhelpful.

After all, the leaders should be there to minister to the kids, not canoodle with their love.

Is it ok to buy love?

I don’t mind admitting that I buy love. Strategically.

I did it last week.

I did it while working as a youth minister.

Last week I paid to boost an apt Tiny Bible Bit about anger.

In the past I have printed hundreds of business cards and countless fliers.

Over the years I have given away many prizes in scripture classes and youth group.

Each year I would routinely spend hundreds of dollars taking my leaders out for meals and getaways.

None of this was mandated.

I never had to spend as much as I did in ministry or add my coin to the Facebook coffers.

But, you spend money on things which you deem valuable.

Additionally, when you spend money with an eye on the outcomes, the expenses - rightly or otherwise - are deemed an investment.

Frankly, most of the money I spent in ministry could have been saved.

I could have kept $50 in my bank account last week.

But, if you don’t personally invest in what you’re doing - hopefully wisely, with some strategic purpose - then why would you expect anyone else to?

Putting an answer cap on the Minister’s Kid

Minister’s kids can be annoying in a small group discussions.

They. Know. Everything.

Or at least they think they do.

So, how do you deal with it? 

Especially if the youngling is an extrovert. 

Or wants to derail a sharing opportunity.

Put simply, ask everyone individually - or in pairs - to list all the applicable responses they can come up with. Then, go around the group and ask everyone to share one response.

But, their are two secrets...

First, an answer can’t be repeated.

Second, you strategically place the minister’s kid in the order you want.

Either... if you suspect that the minister’s kid will parrot the generic response, you put them first. Let them answer “Jesus.” Or, if you suspect their response will be more thought out once the surface responses have been given, then put the minister’s kids last and launch a discussion off their answer.

If you do the later, having a minister’s kid in your group can be really useful if you put methods in place to challenge them, not just opening the door for them to regurgitate the same answers they’ve been giving since they were the same age as their shirt size.

Why not just reject one more?

A while ago I was in a small group discussion and I shared what I thought was the most difficult question a Christian is potentially faced with.

As a Christian you’ve rejected every other deity throughout history and the world, why not just reject another like modern atheists.

Upon reflection, this isn’t actually the toughest question that a believer will encounter. This spot rightly belongs to the question and personal experience of suffering - which I’ve responded to in four parts here.

The reason I initially thought this was the most difficult question is because it triggers so much doubt.

No one knows enough about every - or even the majority - of religions to know why they may be legitimately fallible. Across space and time there are far too many.

So, why not just reject one more?

Well, to start, the question is only somewhat based on fact.

No believer of anything is accepting because they have evenly and systematically rejected every other possible option.

Not even the most ardent atheist has done this. 

Instead, any believer in anything is so because they follow the evidence towards their belief, not away from everything else.

This is how we live our lives.

We don’t evaluate the critically reject every possible route before taking a drive. Or selecting milk. Or deciding the person we are going to marry.

I don’t trace every option on googlemaps before deciding my route.

I don’t taste every milk product before opening the fridge.

I don’t reject billions of women before walking down the aisle.

Instead, we choose one. Just one. Examine the evidence. Weigh it up. Then deciding.

That is what critical thinking atheists have, hopefully, done.

That is what critical thinking Christians should do.

Christians don’t reject every deity bar one. They accept Jesus.

Why? 

Well, hopefully, I’ve got an Apologetics tab on my blog full of convincing reasons. But the evidence that Jesus rose from the dead is a good place to start...

2020 Best of...

How do you sum up the dumpster fire that was 2020?

Frankly, aside from the last few weeks when the Northern Beaches of Sydney were placed into lockdown, this year, for me, was COVID uneventful.

I studied university full time this year - knocking off the majority of my geography minor - getting 6 distinctions and 2 credits.

Aside from that... my work was nearly unaffected.

This year, like last year, blogging was down depending upon my study schedule, nonetheless here’s the Rambling highlights of 2020...

You must have a plan for the orphans

The two things you listen through

The paid person must be the face of the controversy

Should the code be the minister’s middle name?

Why you should send the words of your prayer

Can celebrating the past show our one-ness?

Why everything must keep touching on the Corona

My first Tiny Bible Bit video

The four audiences of a sermon

Knowing how the church sausage is made does not make you a good eater

Breakdown of a healthy church budget

Nepotism questions which must be answered

The challenge of getting people back in the habit

Why a theology of space and place matters

Summer goals update #1

Four weeks ago I set myself 7 Summer goals.

How am I going?

1 - With my part of Sydney now going through another round of COVID lockdown, my gym has been shut. When I started my goals at the start of the month I was 83kg. My health app thinks that I got down to mid-82kg, I’m now post-Christmas back up to 84. My gym is scheduled to open in another week. Of course, twisting my ankle at work would mean that my gym activity would have been restricted at the moment anyway.

2 - I’ve currently recorded every Tiny Bible Bit going back to the start of 2016, including a three month sabbatical which I’d completely forgotten. So, I’m around 800 posts down...

3 - Duolingo still has 13 topics to complete... well on track for the end of next month.

4 - I just finished reading the Horrible Histories of the two world wars - fitting for a future history teacher who did no modern history - and I know the book (fiction!) I’m planning on reading next.

5 - Initially I ceased gnawing my fingernails for a good week. And then lockdown struck. As I’ve had to enter hot zones every day, my children are within a restricted zone and our Christmas plans were thrown into chaos, the fingernail preservation was put on hold.

I never thought that my chomping had to do with stress (I always thought it had to do with boredom), but anxiety may be a larger contributor than I assumed...

6 - Blogging has gone up ever so slightly... but not too much.

7 - Finally, every medical duty is still on the to-do list...

Hopefully, by the end of January, numbers 1, 5 & 6 will be back on track, numbers 2 & 3 completed and numbers 4 & 7 halfway through...

The shift of sex advice

Every so often I’ll have a chat to a young guy about sex. Usually, it will be in the context of marriage and the expectations of the first night/week/month.

I wonder how these kinds of conversations have changed over the years.

I suspect, the tone of the conversations has shifted from education to myth-busting.

In the past - especially before the prevalence of movies, trashy magazines and porn - the experience of sex would be filtered with mystery. Now, the filter is not only torn down, but a false image of sex magnified.

And, this projected picture colours our view and expectations of sex.

Generations ago, facials were not considered as a regular sexual act. Now, if you’re entire sexual diet has been fed by porn, it’s commonplace. It happens every time. 

Every. Time.

This could make for an awkward wedding night.

Now, I would like to think that “good Christian men” would never know of such things or dare expect them on their honeymoon but the torrent of porn (especially being exposed in your early teens) necessitates the shift towards painting a more realistic picture of sex.

Our young men deserve it.

Our young women deserve it.

Their marriage deserves it.

Leading singing or singing on stage?

 Last Sunday, restrictions on singing in churches were eased in Sydney and I’m curious how this resumption will effect those who, for the majority of the year, have been singing on stage without congregation participation.

I’ve written a bit about leading singing in church, including what I learnt when I had to leading singing once back in 2012, and I suspect that I will never be in a position to lead singing again (very much by choice!).

But I have the strong sense that some churches will now be led by those who will be conditioned to sing in front of a church instead of leading singing from the front.

How would you know the difference?

Simply, if no one sung, there would be no difference.

If the band can hear themselves over the congregation, then they are, most likely, singing and not leading.

If the congregation can’t hear each other over the singers, then the band are, most likely, singing and not leading.

With the resumption of singing, many churches will rekindle their fondness for congregational singing. I suspect, their appreciation for its importance will greatly magnify.

Now, I wonder, will those up the front be able to make space for this practice to occur most effective, transitioning away from the practices which they have been forced to develop during restrictions?

Why a theology of space and place matters

Over the last few months I’ve been periodically leading a bible study at my church. In doing so, a month ago I took my group through an exercise which was significant for the denomination I used to work for.

Since this denomination was an unification of three existing denominations - with subsequent amalgamation of facilities - it was important to allow space for elder members of the congregation to grieve what combining created and ended.

For some, they lost buildings full of memories.

They saw the place they got married sold.

They saw the place their kids got baptised demolished.

They saw the building they grew up in redeveloped.

And, this resulted in hurt.

Furthermore, my previous denomination was very active within the indigenous peoples and indigenous theology.

In many ways, they sort to acknowledge the pain caused to and the work required by/with the indigenous communities. 

In short, I grew up in and worked in an organisation which had a highly developed theology of space and place.

For, every believer holds to a theology of where they have been and what they have experienced.

They have places of significance.

They have spaces where they’ve strongly felt the presence of God.

In regards to the bible study I was leading, in order to begin to recognise the devastation of the Jewish exile, when we start to identify our own theology of place and space, then we can begin to empathise with what was lost in the exile.

As a middle-class Anglo, the more developed our personal sense of space and place is, then we the more we are able to relate to both those sent to Babylon, but also those within our own boarders who have been dispossessed of their lands, memories and significant places.

Summer goals

Full time uni = no time blogging.

Well, with the University year now concluded, I can get back to doing all the things which have been absorbed by the study monster.

Frankly, while my marks will indicate that this year has been fairly manageable, my sleep patterns would suggest otherwise.

In a post-uni Summer I’m going to do a few things which have been thrown off kilter in a two full COVID university semesters.

1 - Get back to the gym. When I started going to the gym regularly a few years ago I was 78kg. By the end of last year I was 81kg. While I didn’t blow out too much  during the COVID lockdown, I’m now 83kg.

Notice a trend?

My aim, over the summer, will be to get back to 78kg. Hopefully less. 

And getting back to a 32 inch waist, while only a 1.5 inch reduction, will be nice.

2 - Do an audit of the near 1400 Tiny Bible Bits posts from the last 9 years. I’ve never kept track of the passages I’ve used or the points I have made. So far, I’ve done 2 years worth of posts and... it’s taking a while. With a handful of hours each week, I should be done in a few months. I’m looking forward to seeing the results and discovering what points I’ve unknowingly recycled and what has been the places/themes I’ve touched on the most.

3 - Complete the German Duolingo course. I’ve been learning German, being now married to a half-German, since March 2018. I’ve only got a few dozen topics to completely finish and I’ve already got my next language in mind...

4 - Read 2 non-fiction books. I’ve now actually got time...

5 - Stop bitting my fingernails. I’ve tried to do this before, and was actually doing ok at it pre-COVID, but I used the global pandemic as an excuse to stop trying.

6 - Blog twice a week. I’ve got lots of topics up my sleeve. 

7 - Do all the health things which I’ve been putting off - general checkup with the GP, dentist, optometrist, skin check & actually finding out what my private health coverage entitles me to.

The aim will be to provide an update each month. Hopefully that will provide further inspiration to actually achieve some of the goals... and have a productive summer. Uni starts back at the end of February.

The challenge of getting people back in the habit

Hebrews 10:24-25 - And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Last weekend my church restarted in-person church services.

We didn’t go.

This Sunday I have an assignment due, so we may not attend this week either.

We are now, due to COVID, out of the habit of church attendance.

I feel that this will be an unforeseen result of the pandemic - People will have forgotten how to “do church.“

After months of online services - probably a year+ for some - previously consistent and committed attendees will have gotten used to staying at home. Now, they will be in the habit of cooking a roast dinner (which I’ve loved doing every Sunday night this year) or doing the odd jobs which get them prepared for the week ahead.

The challenge for church leaders will be to remind people of the value of physical church attendance.

In part, they will need to contradict the massages they have been giving all throughout the pandemic - that online church is genuine church and that you can be a healthy believers without physical church attendance.

While these messages are still true, in a post-pandemic world - more Christians than anticipated will need to be re-convinced that it is worth getting into the car each Sunday, just like they used to.

Nepotism questions that must be answered

The offspring of ministers, can be, some of the most talented, committed, faithful and knowledgeable young believers within a church.

When it comes to hiring new staff members, I’ve seen plenty of positions, rightfully,  go to those whom share the surname of the senior minister.

So, how do you avoid the accusation of nepotism once a minister’s kids gets a gig?

Primarily, no single minister should ever have the sole power to hire anyone. Ever. 

No staffing decisions should ever be conducted within a vacuum. If this is the case, and a minister’s relative gets a job, then the charge of nepotism will always hang over that appointment.

But, if the panel - inclusive of a related minister or not - is doing the hiring, what questions should they be able to answer?

First of all, they should be able to point to a group of candidates that were potential hirings. 

Second, those on the panel should be able to clearly articulate why a minister’s kid got the job. They should be able to identify their skills, talents and experience and why this was superior to other candidates.

Finally, they should feel comfortable, having hired the minister’s progeny, to keep them on staff if there is a falling out with the senior minister or the minister amicably moves on. 

If this is not the case, and the above explanations can’t be satisfactorily provided,  then the smell of nepotism will (and should) thickly linger...

Should I really be asked about my injustices?

I am white.

I am male.

I am middle class,

I am married.

I am from a country which is adored globally.

I am a member of the largest religion in my country.

I am one of the least persecuted people on the planet.

Day to day, injustice barely touches me personally.

So, I wonder, when it comes to topic of injustice, how does my privileged situation colour my views?

How different would they be if I was a victim of injustice?

Frankly, I don’t know.

Hopefully - selfishly - I hope I’ll never know.

Yet, in far too many church sermons and bible studies, white-middle class-comfortable-privileged people wonder about injustice.

I did last week.

And, frankly, when the first question asked me to consider the injustices in my life... I found barely any.

Because I’m not a victim of wage thief.

Or sexism.

Or racism.

Or bigotry.

Or even religious persecution.

When it comes to the biblically significant issues of injustice and inequality, it would be far more powerful to put a name, face and voice to the issue.

Bringing in someone who is comfortable to share their personal story is a far better way to begin a discussion about injustice with well-meaning, but ignorant, people.

Thanking God for adult monotony

Currently, I’m in a prayer group at my church comprising the elders of the young adults. Frankly, we’re not really “young“ adults. We are just adults.

As such, I suspect that our prayers are slightly different than some of the younger groups.

Why?

Because, as people residing firmly in the routine of adulting, our lives are slightly less adventurous.

Now, we are genuinely thankful for routine.

Did you get fired from your job (particularly in the current climate)?

Did you have a massive fight with your spouse?

Are you on the verge of getting evicted?

Did a large bill come in the mail?

Did you have a car accident?

Did your family fall ill?

Did anyone you personally know die?

No?

THANK YOU JESUS!

We survived another week of being a productive adult!

PRAISE THE LORD!

As adults, seemingly, our prayers of gratitude now revolve around prevention and avoidance of catastrophe.

In practice, this is how the monotony of adulting works.

Why adding - as much as you are able - matters

Whenever someone at a church, or any public gathering, gives physical instructions, there is a powerful addition which should be added...

As far as you are able.

Stand for the prayer...

Raise your hands...

Kneel down...

The reason is simple, it communicates safety and acceptance. 

It allows people to participate as far and long as they are comfortable and capable.

Because churches should be a place where people with any ability are welcomed and included.

So they can stand. Or remain seated if they can’t. Either is ok.

They can raise their hands. Or lower them once they get tired. Either is ok.

They can kneel. Or not. Either is ok.

As long as you add the freeing instruction that they can be included as much as they are able and comfortable.

Breakdown of a healthy church budget

Between working at four churches and being a part of numerous church consultations, I’ve seen plenty of church budgets.

Usually, they breakdown in similar ways...

45% Operational - The nuts and bolts of church life. Insurance, utilities, admin, maintenance.

35% Staff - Ministers for all ages of life.

15% Missions - Outreach locally, global, personal and institutional.

5% Sinking Fund/Debt repayment.

These rough figures are, of course, dependent upon one thing - property.

Your overheads will be higher with property.

Housing and payment of your minister will vary greatly if you provide a manse.

Having a space you can rent out will dramatically increase the funds available to your church.

But, approximately, these ratios keep a church in a healthy financial position and give a congregation an appropriate idea of how much they can spend on staffing.

If you want to pay your staff an appropriate salary, let’s say 70k for a minister, 40-50k for a full-time worker and 15k for each additional part-time placement, then you can work out the healthy budget required.

From the figures above, a senior minister, youth or children’s minister and an admin assistant would cost around $135,000. In order to spend approximately 35% of your budget on staffing, then you’d need a budget of around 385k.

Alternatively, if you have a total budget of around 200k, then you only have around $70,000 to spend on staff.

Now, you don’t have to stick with these ratios. A church with a quarter of a million dollar budget could outlay 120k, or nearly 50%, of their income on staff.

But, it will come at a cost.

Either, mission funding will be squeezed or the church will be vulnerable to financial pressures.

At times, this can be deemed appropriate or manageable but, long-term, messing with these figures will cause pain for the staff members, treasurer and, ultimately, congregation.

How much pressure would amnesia add to your gospel presentation?

Over the last few months my small group has been doing a study on evangelism, which triggered a tremendous research proposal.

As far as I can tell, no one has seriously looked into the effects of amnesia upon faith.

Do those who loose their memory also “forget” the gospel?

If so, what would this mean for hardcore Calvinists? Assuming the assurance of election and salvation, this would surely mean that those who were authentically saved, even after their brain injury, would again accept the gospel if/when it was presented to them.

But, imagine the pressure...

You know, in the past, that someone with memory loss has accepted the gospel. Now, you’re going to present it again... 

What if they’re not convinced this time?

Frankly, I would feel like an absolute failure. 

Could you, potentially, tell the person that they have believed this in the past, or would you just start anew? 

Would the first technique be manipulative? 

Would you be extra watchful on their reaction, genuinely knowing, that this is the first time they had heard the story of Jesus?

Christian, or otherwise, I haven’t been able to find any data on the faith retention of amnesia sufferers, but I would be very interested...

The two controversies concerning church mission finances

Whenever a church makes their budget, a tension surrounding missions will linger - geographical and personal.

Do they support local missions or beyond?

Do they support people those they know personally or larger organisations?

The tension - born out of the expanding geographic locals from Acts 1:8 - exists because the mission of God exists on many levels - local, regional and global.

But, like all tensions, they are to be balanced.

And, managing the tension is yet another reason why church treasurers deserve a special place in heaven.

Knowing how the church sausage is made does not make you a good eater

Anyone who has been exposed to the inner workings of an industry has their perception of that industry forever changed.

They know how the sausage is made.

They know the ingredients.

They know the hidden stresses.

They know the pitfalls.

They know the hacks to make things run smoother.

This is true for those who have worked for the church.

And it can poison the way they view church.

For, former sausage makers make for rubbish diners.

I think the problem for former sausage makers is that they struggle to maintain the balance between thinking and feeling.

Those who are unaware of the perils of the kitchen, they are able to enjoy the dinning experience more.

They aren’t interested, never mind looking for, the details which make up a service.

Instead, they are there to enjoy the food.

I think a similar dynamic works for the church.

The challenge for those who have experience in putting church services, worship sets, songs, sound or sermons together, need to find a way to disconnect the logistical element of their brain and, instead, enjoy and experience what is happening before them.

Where are you hearing that from?

 We all hear voices.

Voices which say how well we are going.

Voices which say, frankly, how shit we are.

Everyday we hear their call.

When we, or others, hear the internal small whispers/overwhelming shouts we need to ask ourselves an important question...

Where are the voices coming from?

Are they from inside our head? Is this a message you have developed independently?

Are they fed by those who know us - friends or family?

Are they influenced by strangers - those who don’t know details about you or your past- for example, teachers or those on social media? 

Are they fuelled by the world around you - culture, advertising, music, movies, websites?

Is the voice aligning with what the bible says?

When we examine the source and content of our and others internal dialogue, then we can begin to expose the roots of the messages and expose any miss-truths which may be bouncing around our minds.