Prayer points you don’t celebrate

I’ve decided to give up looking at porn!
We’ve decided to stop sleeping together!
I’ve made the choice to abandon my emotional affair!

These are just a sampling of the significant prayer points which we don’t, and in many cases can’t, share in public.

But, these are points which we should celebrate.

These are significant steps in discipleship.
For new believers, these are important steps in sanctification.

Yet, we could never speak them aloud.

So, largely, they go uncelebrated.
And, unfortunately, those taking the significant steps of faith do so unsupported.

Do I have an answer?

Not really.

But, I suspect, that the solution may lie in small groups which cultivate authentic relationships.

The challenge is to find a way to develop these groups...

You need to hear that you were annoying as well

“You were exactly the same at their age”

This message is majorly important for my six year old because she has a sister going through the terrible two’s.

This involves tantrums.
This involves occasionally throwing things.
This involves the unwillingness to share.

And, this greatly annoys Little Miss 6.

The message she often hears is, when she was younger, that she was exactly the same at her age.

This is why we don’t get as frustrated or surprised as her.

We have seen it before.
We have heard it before.

I think this message is also significant in youth ministry.

For those who have been around long enough to see a generation of teens grow into their fledging youth leaders, it’s important to remind these young leaders of the times when the modern teens emulate their previous generation.

They were just as annoying.
They were just as loud.
They were just as frustrating.
They were just as smelly.

And, vitally, they had leaders who had to show grace. And patience. And forgiveness. And perseverance.

These are a few of the reasons why they felt so welcome, accepted and cared for.

Now it is the young leaders turn to do the same.

The ministry of repeating yourself

Jesus must have been quite frustrated because, frankly, the disciples were, at times, were very dull.

There must have been lots of occasions when Jesus was explaining something and His followers just didn’t understand.

They missed the point. Often.

In many ways they were like teenagers.

Impulsive.
Enthusiastic.
Confused.

For those in ministry, there is a grace and patience in the ministry of lovingly repeating yourself.

I’m sure this is what Jesus did.

He repeated Himself.
He explained things again.
He, once again, started from the top.

In a growing community of broken people reminders will be nessesary.

They will need to hear the gospel, for the first time or as an encouragement, often.
They will need to hear the message of hope.
They will need to hear the words of grace.
They will need to hear the declaration of forgivenness.

An important role for those in ministry is to be willing to repeat yourself.

Again...
And again...
And again...

Why I’m learning German

Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. 

Over the last month I’ve been travelling around Southern Germany with my fiancé, which may be news if you don’t know me personally, and launching into an expanded university workload.

Leading up to my European holiday, I had an important challenge - Learn German.

Now, I’m not a keen linguist, with the only language I’ve been forced to study over the last 15 years being Biblical Greek. But, ease was not my motivation.

Why did I do it? 
Because I was going to Germany (duh), newly engaged to a German and meeting her family who are German.

These were my motivations.

To honour her family.
To honour her culture.
To open ways to connect and understand.
To share an important thing with my fiancé.

It reminds me of the things that those in ministry will do in order to connect with members of their congregation.

They will dabble in gaming.
Or try out for the musical.
Or do a crash course in the newest social media craze.
Or read up about the university subjects of their young adults.

In ministry you dip your toe into a lot of subjects, behind-the-scenes, in order to have easier avenues of connection with those you minister to.

But the aim is not to become an expert in their hobby.
I certainly didn’t leave Australia fluent in German.

But this effort shows they those around you, be it within the home, work or church are important.

We shouldn’t just major on conversion or discipleship

Converts.
Disciples.

Jesus invites His church to make both.

But, these are not the same thing and they are not done the same way.

Conversion, in a Christian sense, is about actually becoming a Christian. It is about giving control of your life to Jesus, taking the mantle of authority off your own head.

Discipleship, on the other hand, is the seeking to live your life the way Jesus showed and taught.

One is an event.
The other is a process.

One has a date.
The other is day-by-day.

One is a 180 degree turn from the direction your life is going.
The other is an ongoing journey in the same direction.

In general, churches will focus stronger on conversion or discipleship and, thus, do one more effectively than the other.

Churches will either stress gospel presentations and alter calls or bible study membership and authentic fellowship.

The irony is, we need to do both well.

If we just push conversion then, eventually, any converts we produce will feel unconnected, unsupported and move elsewhere.

Equally, if we major on discipleship, then our churches will be in danger of becoming stagnant cliques.

To be a healthy, growing, Christian community, we need to do both, or else our churches will be in danger of becoming a nursery or a retirement home.

Why picking a scene should be asked more in church

Thinking of a personal example can be challenging. Especially at short notice.

Sharing a way you might apply a biblical concept can be tough. Especially if it is a sensitive or convicting area.

Yet, these are common questions posed during most bible studies and sermons.

What if, at least at times, we engaged people in a slightly less personal, and thus less threatening, way?

One novel way might be, particularly when introducing a topic, to invite people to try and think of a scene or character in a movie or tv show who would apply to the topic.

This might allow introverts a less challenging way to engage and contribute.

But, there should be one rule for anyone wanting to invite media engagement - you need to have one example you can think of, preferably two.

Why?

Because if you can’t think of two examples, then the question might be too difficult to answer.

Furthermore, with a few responses, you can give an example to show them what you’re inviting them to think of, and then have another answer when sharing begins.

Since we live in a society so entrenched in our consumption of media, it’s a good idea to actively seek engagement with these narratives to show how biblical principals can be applied.

At worst, it might stretch those within our churches to engage with the things which they watch deeper and through the lens of scripture.

How important are you showing that your small groups are?

One of the secrets for effective discipleship, not to mention church member engagement and retention, is a group of believers who meet regularly to study the bible, pray, share life with and hold each other accountable. While these things happen on a Sunday, the best place for them to occur are within a smaller setting.

Ministers know this.
Churches know this.
Larger churches depend on this.

Yet, you’d never know it from the way many churches behave.

They don’t push the importance of small groups.
They don’t explain the significance to new believers.
They don’t show their importance by publishing when and where they are.
They don’t provide space in their services to advertise them.
They don’t share what is happening within their small groups.
They rarely have someone dedicated to oversee them.

So, the message sent is, they are a luxurious extra which don’t really matter.

If we measure the importance of something by the way they are publicised or the amount of time they are given up the front on a Sunday, then it could be argued that many churches value their rosters or the protocol required to send in a notice more than their small groups.

Why I haven’t watched a single espisode of 13 Reasons Why but every youth minister should

I’ve never watched an episode of 13 Reasons Why. I don’t have to anymore.

Over the last few days I haven’t had to frantically try to find out if someone within my ministry has a connection to two teens killed by their father in the neighbouring suburb. Now there’s no need.

I no longer feel the need to keep up to date about wider church or Christian controversies.

Since leaving ministry a few years ago, things have changed. I now don’t need to have my finger on the pulse of youth trends, especially of disturbing ones, or be concerned with the way global or local incidents might effect people within my church or ministry.

As my vocation has changed a lot of ministry induced quirks have fallen away.

I wonder how many people going into relational ministry have these mindsets and if a church would evaluate this when looking to hire someone.

Personally, if I was looking to hire a minister, a question I pose would be connected with a rising influence within their ministry scope, a local event or Christian talking point - like the Royal Commission into institutional sexual abuse, and hear what opinion they have and how it might apply to their ministry context.

I think it’s these qualities, as much as any, which help shape a quality ministry agent.

They know.
They care.
The research.
They read.
The keep up to date.

The reason?

You don’t want to be caught off guard or thrown about by a punch you don’t see coming.

The powerful message of pronounciation

Earlier this week I wrote the following about the above video on Tiny Bible Bits...

John 10:3 - The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 

The video below is from the broardcasters of the World Cup and has been making its way around social media in Australia.

In short it is about the importance of names, the significance of correct pronunciation and the effort required to get it right.

The hosts acknowledge, in a multicultural society, the honour that is shown when you ensure that you pronounce someone’s name correctly. 

Why? Because our names, and the people behind them, matter.

Jesus tells us that The Father knows your name.
He is familiar with it.
He calls it out.

Because the Good Shepherd not only knows the name of His sheep, but each member of His flock personally.

As someone who worked in a very multicultural denomination who’s churches regularly house multiple congregations spanning two cultural groups, I’ve seen a few people apply the message of this video to ministry.

The importance we put in learning and using someone’s name matters because it displays the importance they have, to us personally, within the church and as someone made in God’s image.

For our efforts to correctly pronounce a name sends a message - you matter.

This is true within the church.

This is true within the classroom.

This is true within sport.

Making space for #SpiritualParentingWins

Over the weekend something very exciting happened.
For the first time I heard my eldest child really pray.

Not in church...
Not with prompting...
Not with a suggested script or structure...

But it wasn’t over something massive like world peace.

Instead, it was over her fish being safely transferred from the container they were being kept in back to their newly cleansed fish tank.

Honestly, it took me by surprise and took a few seconds to work out what was going on.

But it was incredible.

I wish I could tell... everyone.
But, in general, churches don’t really give space to celebrate these kinds of spiritual parenting wins.

Which is a massive shame.

Churches should be the very place that we enter and comfortably share the spiritual milestones of our kids.

Yet, all too often, it’s not.

Churches don’t invite parents to share where God has been evident amongst their family.
Churches don’t share stories of spiritual parenting wins.
Churches don’t alert parents to opportunities of faith development and exploration.

When I was in ministry, I didn’t.

Which was a disservice to the families in those churches.
And a disservice to their kids.
And a massive missed opportunity for the congregation.

The two things needed to keep church interesting if you know-a-lot

Over the last few weeks I’ve been neck-deep in university assignments and exams. But, now, the studious fog has cleared I’m free to Ramble away.

At the church I attend with my kids, there’s a well-known Christian writer, speakers and thologian.
Over my ministry career, I’ve worked at churches which have contained former ministers, denominational heads and experienced ministry veterans.

I’ve wondered if those who have a rich experience in ministry and, seemingly, know “a lot” within church circles, have a harder time within church services.

Every so often I get bored, critical, or distracted in church because I’m overly familiar with a passage or concept going on before me at church.

So, how do those with a rich ministry behind them handle church?

Some, I’ve seen, struggle.

They are also critical.
They like to talk about the things they did “back in the day.”

I think that secret for those who know a lot is humility and expectation.

No matter who is leading the service or delivering the sermon, an experienced minister must be humble enough to realise they don’t know everything, thus want to learn more, and expectant that they will encounter God within the words they will hear, even if they are quite familiar.

These, I suspect, are the attitudes which keep church engaging for former ministers, just as much as older congregants who have heard decades of sermons.

Your first response is vital

Since stepping down from vocatoinal ministry I’ve dipped my toe into a few activities at various churches as a volunteer.

It was a process I haven’t really negotiated in over a decade.

I had to discern my willingness, volunteer my interest to get involved, discover what was required and then do the activity for the first time.

One thing I was reminded of was a vital step for those in ministry - the response to someone doing something for the first time.

The reason this is so important is because your response can, and often will, deeply affect the likelihood that someone will volunteer a second time.

Your response, in short, can either encourage or burn the volunteer.

This is the power those in leadership wield and the vulnerability new volunteers open themselves up to.

If nothing else, an appreciation of this power dynamic would deeply strengthen the health of current, novice and potential volunteers.

The only constant answer to the 'What if...?' question

What if...
What if I did x instead of y?
What if I'd listened to x?
What if things turned out differently?

We all have these questions.
Everyone.

About a lot of things.
Things in the near and distant past.

The nature of life and the curiosity of humanity leaves us bound to these hypotheticals.

So, what do you do with 'what if' questions?
Ignore them?
Entertain them?
Dwell on them?

No matter if they revolve around family, relationships, friendships or vocation these 'what if' questions will always leave us dangling.

Because we can never know.
We don't hold enough info.
We can't see how things would play out.

Furthermore, our imaginations either drag us into the extremes of an overly rosy outcome or the precipice of ruin.

When it comes to one of the areas I ask this question the most, my previous churches, I have a simple rule...
Assume, no matter what happens, that God will work in whatever context created.

And it would be unpredictable.

If I were involved or not.

For, that is the nature of the goodness and faithfulness of God.
He works in ways we don't expect.
The Spirit moves in ways we don't always expect.

But, God is always to work.

No matter where in the 'what if' scenario we find ourselves.

Are numerical prayers dangerous?

Dear God, we pray for (insert number) to show up tonight...
Dear God, we pray to grow by (insert number) over the next year...

Should you pray humerical prayers?
Are they healthy?

Frankly, I don't know the answer.
But I think the question should be asked.

For everyone attached to a ministry or event, paid or unpaid, has uttered these prayers in desperation.

And, sometimes, they seemingly pay off.
At other times they don't.

I've been involved in ministries which have both grown and shrunk.
I've been involved in events when vastly more people have turned up than we've expected and an event where only one kid attended. 

Just one.

In a sign of weakness, these types of prayers make me nervous because they are specific enough for a definite success or failure.
With a numerical prayer, either you hit or exceede your number or you don't.

But I think something more alarming can be displayed by a numerical prayer - the heart of the person praying.

Why do they want "that" number?

Do they want to look successful?
Do they need to reach a threshold to be financially viable?
Have they been given a numerical ultimatum to reach in order to be vocationally secure?

Or, do they want "that" number because each one represents an individual who needs Jesus?

I ask the last question because, if that's the genuine aim, then why does reaching "that" number matter?

Assessment evangelistic windows

It's fairly well known that the most effective window for evangelism are the teenage years. 

But, I feel, for similar reasons, that there are two other windows for efficacious faith-development.

New parents and the elderly.

The reason these three life stages are more fruitful for evangelism have to do with the common threads of self assessment and a realigning of self identification.

As a teen you're establishing and testing your place in society. 
As a new parent, everything in your life is reordered with the new arrival.
As you enter your later years, ceasing work or losing your spouse, you have the chance to assesses your values and what you want to do going forward.

Of course, people can come to faith at any age and life stage, but I think these three times are especially fertile to the message of the gospel.

For, Jesus invites us to make assessments about how we live.
The gospel challenges us to consider the things we stand for.
The church invites us to be a part of something larger than ourselves.

These are the things which are already stirring within the hearts and minds of teens, new parents and the elderly.

The continuing challenge to the church is to purposely seek to reach these people and offer them the words of eternal life.

How long should it take to create a kids talk?

I've given lots of kids talks in church services.
In my experience, if your church wants to be family-friendly and child-inclusive, then they are a manditory element of the service.

But, these 5 minute interactive spiels are not done at the church I take my daughters to (even though they have a decent Sunday morning ministry to children).

With this in mind, I've been pondering the amount of work needed to do a kids address and if this is a perceived hindrance for the church doing them.

Frankly, I don't think it should be.

In my history, going from a blank-piece-of-paper to rough-script-of-what-you-are-going-to-say, takes about 20 minutes.

In theory, all you need to do is read/study the passage, select the primary/applicable/child appropriate point, think of or find a connector to this point and then write an rough script which flows from connector to point to application.

This shouldn't take too much time.

Why?

Because your talk shouldn't be too complex. It should be a point from the passage which explains what God is like or points to the significance of Jesus, applied to your audiences context.

Furthermore, there's soo many resources which can give you a launchpad (not a full script!), that an absolute impass can be fairly quickly traversed.

Now, all this doesn't mean that you should start planning 15 minutes before that start of the service.

That would be foolish.

Even if you've planned everything in 20 minutes, it will take longer to gather anything you need and, prayerfully, be completely comfortable with your point and deliverance.

But, my point in all this is to share that children's address need not be too intimidating to putt off successfully.

And, for the effort required, kids talks make a massive difference to the ministry you have to families and, often, provide a means of basic, applicable, theology to everyone in the congregation.

Entice the lapsed or reward the faithful?

Ministry is made up of tensions to manage.
One such tension is that which exists between those who are in attendance and those who aren't.

Which should you cater to?

Do you postpone the start of an event or church service for the latecomers?
Do you send enticements to those who haven't attended in a few consecutive weeks?
Do you only provide gifts on special occasions for those visiting?

Or...

Do you honour the time of those who were punctual?
Do you give rewards for those who attend with regularity?
Do you go out of your way to recognise those who are there week-in, week-out?

As with all tensions, you should do a healthy balance of both.

But, the danger is when one group starts to resent or desire the carrot dangled before the other group.

You don't want visitors to think that you favour those "on the inside" unfairly.
Equally, you don't want your regulars to start drifting in order to receive the enticements to return.

Ideally, you want visitors to recognise that you value those who are committed to your community and your regulars to value guests enough that any means of attraction are accepted.

The difference between dropping your kid off to a birthday party and youth group

Lately it's been the season for children's birthday parties. Up until this weekend, the last month's weekends have been punctuated by one or two celebrations (including my now-six-year-old).

House parties.
Craft parties.
Ten-pin bowling.
Swimming parties.

And, each time I've happily left My eldest in the care of a gaggle of parents, just as they did with us.

But, I would have hesitated if the only adults present were a group of teens or young adults, overseen by a twenty something.

Yet, this is what churches do with their youth ministries each week.
And for day-long outings.
And camps.

Churches ask parents to leave their kids under the supervision of, frankly, a bunch of teens and childless young adults.

The longer I'm a parent, the more unsettling that seems.

When dropping my daughter to a birthday party, I'm pretty comforted knowing that a bunch of parents will be around. They will have a good sense of danger and exercise a parental eye of caution. They will be experienced in dealing with kids.

In a lot of youth ministries, this parental covering is completely absent.

I wonder how the mindset of parents would be difficult if they knew a parent (or a few) were either around, or consulted, before events?


I know, looking back on my decade in youth ministry, that I wouldn't have instilled a great deal of confidence.

I was young.
I was inexperienced in taking care of children.
All my leaders, while well trained, were the same.
As much trust I may have developed over time, there must have been a certain amount of anxiousness whenever they drove away having dropping theirs kids to a big event.

If you consider that churches ask parents to entrust their kids to a few teens, supervised by a young adult - no matter how mature, spiritual, or well trained - it's a fairly unique, and scary, place we put parents in...

"We" vs Ideal "we"

Far too often, when I read things written by churches, usually from staff members, which describe their church or ministry they struggle with appropriate pronouns.

Especially the little word "we."

They proudly pronounce that "we" and a (insert value here) church.
Or that "we" have (insert goal here) as our aim for the year.

The trouble is that "we" is either overstated or the ideal.

In reality, which they should say is that "we" want to be a (insert value here) church.
Of that "we" want to have (insert goal here) as our aim for the year.

The reason this minor difference can matter is because it allows those who aren't a part of the "we" to be included.

You don't feel instantly excluded or guilted if your not a "dynamic prayer" or "enthusiastic evangelist."

Sure, these statements can be a catylist for growth or inspiration for action, but a softening of the "we" can launch people from a better starting point.

Do you fat-shame people about their prayers?

Prayer is a tricky thing.

We wonder how you should do it?
How often?
What should pray for?
Does God always hear our prayers?
How earnestly should you pray?
How long should you persevere in prayer?
Does God always answer prayer?
How do we know when God has answered our prayers?
What relation does prayer have with faith?
How big should our prayers be?
Should we always pray for the miraculous?
If we do pray for a miracle, should it come with a disclaimer which gives God the option not to comply?

As I said, prayer is tricky...

In ministry you regularly teach about the topic.
You are an example of prayer.

But, the topic remains, all too often, shrouded in mystery.

With that all said, prayer is also open to misinterpretation and manipulation.

Even accidentally.

In church services, sermons and bible studies we can stumble into a dangerous message surrounding prayer.

We commit the act to spiritually fat-shaming people about their prayers.

We can claim to know the ideal way to pray and shame those who don't follow the script.
We can claim that someone hasn't prayed "hard enough."
Or "often enough."
Or with "enough faith."

And, in doing so, we shame them in a similar fashion as a contestant on The Biggest Loser.

Unfortunately, in most cases, this is a disservice.

For, in reality, we don't know nearly as much about prayer as we claim.
We don't know the heart of the person praying.
We don't know the intensity of their prayers.
We don't know the level of their faith.

Prayer-shaming them just crushes their desire to pray.
It heaps guilt upon good intentions.
It piles shame where it might not belong.

When it comes to a spiritual child coming before their Heavenly Father, putting things in their path or making them doubt the effectiveness of prayer is an action which grieves the heart of God.