Date the church

Every relationship in life, if it's going to remain healthy, needs work. Both sides need to put in the effort to make the partnership work.

This is true in romance.
This is true amongst families.
This is true amongst friends.

This is true in the church.

Nothing is so self-feeding as people who start to disconnect from church, stating a sense of disconnection.

I say this is self-feeding because those who withdraw from a community (church or otherwise), feeling excluded, further expand the problem by creating further distance. The irony? With further distance making it harder to be included, fewer opportunities to connect are opened up, so a sense of even further disconnection is established.

The reason this disconnection happens because we don't date.

We don't date the church.
The church done not continually woo its people.

If both sides (the importance of BOTH) put in the effort, the I think we'd endure the pain of break-ups far less.

Would anyone notice if you removed one accessory?

When I look back on some of my past sermons I readily acknowledge that I should have pulled the plug earlier.
 
Sometimes I've been boring.
Sometimes I've gone way too long (either the sermon or the entire service).
Sometimes I've over-promised but under-delivered.

This Sunday I'm preaching the final sermon from our Song of Songs series.

While I was recently away at a conference, I went to a effective communication and preaching elective.

In truth, I left underwhelmed.

Whilst the input was solid enough, the way it was delivered, whilst engaging (this bloke was surely a great communicator) seemed to fly in the face of his core "authentic preaching" message.

But, he did say something which pricked my ears.

If you stopped your sermon half way... what would happen?

Would anyone be able to tell?
Is your introduction clear enough that they'd be expecting more?
Would they want/need more?
Would there be a sense of disappointment or thankfulness that you sat down early?

There is a Coco Channel quote which states that when a lady gets dressed, one of the final things she should do is look in the mirror and remove one accessory.

I wonder if preachers should do the same thing with their manuscripts...

Weekly win list

I've written before about having a win list.

In that post I mentioned an important question I asked to kick off our quarterly leaders meeting. In short, we shared the "wins" of the last term.

At the end of our leader's debrief last week I kicked myself because I didn't ask my leaders the same important question.

What was the win of TONIGHT?

For, if the leaders of a group are asked this question each week, sharing their answers with each other, then they should feel more encouraged about what good things are happening. Not having to wait three or six months to hear about the big and small victories.

Teaching young adults about sexuality by outback sheep-herding

Last week I went to an elective at the National Youth Ministry Conference about young adults and sexuality. The presenter made a really good point which, unexpectedly, involved the way they ensure sheep in the outback don't wander away.

When giving "the sex talk" to teens, something I've done quite often and always look forward to, it's good to present clear boundaries.

This mirrors how they keep sheep on farms. In fences.

But it's not the way they do it in the outback.

Instead, they use watering-holes.

For, with an adequate water source, the sheep will not wander away.

The same thing applies when you talk to young adults about their sexuality.

If, instead of just presenting boundaries, you talk about values, then they are far more likely to express their sexuality in a fulfilling, God-designed, manner.

It's in this, more mature, context that your thrust transitions from "can/should" to "the things you will/will not stand for."

Sticking out the milestones

Youth ministry happens over a series of milestones.

First year.
Third year.
Fifth year.
Seventh year.
Tenth year.

Each milestone has unique challenges and up-sides.

It is worth sticking it out at a church in order to reap the benefits.

For, in the first year, you get the lay of the land and can set the foundation for...

The third year, when you've built solid relationships and trust, in order to develop in...

The fifth year, when you'll see the fruit of a solid foundation and established relationships with a generation of kids behind you. This flows into...

The seventh year, where you're leadership development and culture permeates through a generation of leaders who've risen up. Connecting with...

The tenth year. A time when you begin to cycle yourself out of hands-on leadership and focus on a leadership-mentor role.

Moving the starting blocks

I just got back from the National Youthy Ministry Conference, so there will be a flood of posts coming in compared to the last few months...

12-18.
Probably 12-25.

These are the ages which are on job descriptions for most youth ministers.

I've written about the drop out points in youth ministry previously.

With the first one soo young (year 6), it makes sense for those who work with teens to lower the age they begin to interact with "teens."

If one of the reasons those about to transition into high school drop out is due to the disconnection with the older activities, then time invested in tweens is time well invested.

Sexuality idols

Last Sunday the evening service at my church kicked off a series on the Song of Songs. In short, I'm pretty excited to be speaking about the book a couple of times over the next month.

This Sunday I'll be speaking about dating and the value of waiting and putting in the work of courtship which we ready about in 3:5.

As I've been doing prep I noticed three common themes popping up and a common danger for each.

When it comes to orgasms, virginity, honeymoon sex we can drift into idolatry and place these three things above God.

As important as the three subjects are, they are not God.
They are not to be the aim nor guarantee of a quality marriage.

Orgasms are good, but they are not guaranteed for a believer every time.

Virginity is to be valued and honoured but it should be kept in a proper perspective. You're not defined by your sexual purity prior to wedlock.

Just like orgasms, mind-blowing honeymoon sex isn't assured for those who get hitched. No matter how much they love Jesus.

When the church does speak about sex/relationships, and I've written before that it should fairly often (at least yearly), it should be clear about setting realistic expectations for sex and what REALLY matters.

God should be first and foremost, not the three idols which all too often jostle for prime position.

The grass isn't even greener in your head

In ministry you often hear, at the neighbouring church, the grass is NOT greener.

You might imagine it that way, but it isn't the case.

The people aren't nicer.
The politics aren't less.
The opportunities don't arise easier.
The kids aren't more receptive.
The traditions aren't more flexible.
The facilities aren't everything they appear on the outside.

As anyone who has worked for a church, any church, can tell you, every church has its own, unique, crop of problems.

And... deep down... we know that.

But we covert anyway.

But we also play "the grass is greener" game in our minds.
With ourselves and our past.

We wonder if we should have taken the alternate option and walked through that sliding door of ministry past.

We wonder if life would be better if we'd stuck it out just a little longer.
Or had that difficult conversation just a little sooner.
Or focused our efforts in an alternate place.
Of made that change at a different time or in a slightly different way.
Or cared for those people better.
Or caved into their demands just once more.
Or... whatever...

But, just like the church down the road, it's just as harmful to what you have now to be perpetually looking in the rear-view mirror as it is to be gazing over the back fence.

The personal connection chain

Call > Text > Mail > Email > Facebook > Hopeful Osmosis

As you work your way down the communication chain the personal connection reduces.

Normally, at the start of each term I will launch the usual communication deluge through Facebook, Email & Mail.

This term I've encouraged my leaders to touch base using one of the first two links (and I'm hoping they use the first one).

For many in youth ministry, this won't be groundbreaking.

In fact, you might wonder why I wasn't doing this in the past.

I'm wondering it myself.

But, with the leaders getting just a few kids each, I'm hoping this personal connection sees a bump in attendance from the usual first week lull.

When a sermon illustration unfolds before your eyes

Some people don't know it yet, but they are immanent sermon illustrations.

People who make stupid decisions.
People who overcome great obstacles.
People who step out in faith.
People who ignore advice.

At times, you can see a situation unfold and know that you'll inevitably be pointing people back to that time.

All you need to do is wait to be preaching on the right passage and have enough time and space elapsed to reference them.

I assume I'm not the only one who does this...

Remember your...

In the subject I'm doing currently we had a good chat about the sacrament of baptism. It was noted that the church should continually point believers back to their baptism.

It is something they should live out.
It is something they should look back to as the start of a journey.

The same should be true for marriage.

It is something they should live out.
It is something they should look back to as the start of a journey.

This, for those present, is the blessing for those attending.

They remember... And hopefully look to live out the promises they made anew.

Pre-emptive holidays

Right now I'm unshaven. That means, since I only shave when I have an occasion which merits it, I'm on holidays.

The week prior to sitting around and doing nothing special, I had a chat about holidays to a few blokes in ministry, asking them when they were taking time off.

By enlarge, they said they weren't because they didn't feel the need to.

I think they miss the point of holidays.

Holidays, if used wisely, should never be horded for a time when you're in desperate need for them.

If that were the case, holidays would be called casualty leave and the Sabbath commandment would only be cashed once a month.

Holidays are a time to recharge BEFORE your tired or a crisis hits. In fact, it's by taking regular time away that you're in better shape to handle the next unexpected hurdle.

The worst mindset to be trapped in is to be desperately seeking/needing a holiday and knowing that you can't get away for another two months.

When you get to this place...
You lose.
Your family loses.
Your ministry loses.
Your church loses.

Ministry which gets you punched in the head

Sometimes the truth hurts.

Sometimes it hurts those who need to hear it.

Sometimes it hurts those who deliver it.

Sometimes, protecting those you’re called to minister to hurts.

There have been a number of times in ministry when, depending on how events transpire, I've been prepared to be punched in the head whilst doing my job.

If, when having a necessary but difficult conversation, the person lashes out negatively, I've been ready to cop a whack to the side of the head.

At other times, if someone threatening arrived at an event, I've been prepared to duck a right-cross.

A guy might not like hearing that he shouldn't be getting drunk or sleeping with his girlfriend. And he might react by smacking you in the head. So be it.

If a restricted person attempts to attend an event or drunken teens arrive at an activity, upon being asked to leave, the wrongdoer might respond with violence. So be it.

As a bloke, I think this is just one of the risks of messy ministry.

Next time you get annoyed by kids in church...

Last weekend I was at the joint baptism of my nieces and nephew.

Between the service being very Catholic and my daughter wanting to roam the room like she's grown accustomed to church, at times, I was a little lost.

In fact, the kids presence made keeping track of the read-straight-out-of-the-book service quite difficult.

In truth, I don't think I missed a great deal.

But there were some who gave the obligatory glares because the kids were making noise (gasp!).

The longer I work for a church, and the longer I'm a parent, the clearer one thing becomes...
If you get annoyed by children in church (especially young kids) then the problem is not with the toddler. The problem is with you and your understanding of church.

Families are God initiated institutions.
Children are a blessing from God to the parents and the church.
Jesus welcomes children.

The question I have for those who tut-tut kids in church is...
Would you rather be in a quiet, child free, church which is dying, or hear the toddler?

The Principal of Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Earlier in the week I wrote a Tiny Bible Bit on Facebook about Proverbs 7:6-10,21.

Usually, my posts are liked and, sometimes, commented on.

This one wasn't.

I think the reason was the topic matter.

Wrong Place.
Wrong Time.

I've previously written about the important elder statesman conversation which should be had with many Christian young adults. The enquiry beginning with "Walk me through what you were thinking..." matters due to the danger of wrong place, wrong time.

Christians in their late teens and twenties can wander into threatening/tempting situations just because they put themselves or others in positions which they should never have been.

My post recently about Buck's night's is an obvious example. They can easily wander into the wrong place, wrong time.

And at the wrong place, wrong time...
Mistakes happen.
Unforseen mistakes.
Costly mistakes.

This is what ensnared the bloke in Proverbs 7 and the principal which the elder statesman is trying to warn everyone to be alert to...

The Best Man's main job

This was meant to be posted right off the back of my last post, but I've been having computer issues...

I've never been a best man. Or even a groomsman.

But I've seen plenty.

And most people think the job of a best man is to make sure the groom is at the church on time, wearing a suit. Additionally, he is meant to organize a Buck's night and, perhaps, hold the wedding ring for a portion of the ceremony.

But the above description misses, I think, the most important duty of the best man.

Make sure the groom is making the right choice.

His most important job, in all seriousness, is to take the groom aside just prior to the wedding ceremony and ask him is he wants to actually go through with it.

Hopefully, the groom has sincerely considered the vows he is about to take (pooped himself at the gravity of the decision) and wants to proceed.

But if he doesn't, it is the job of the best man to hold the back door of the church open, bundle the runaway-groom in a cab and cop the flack when he informs everyone that the wedding won't go ahead.

The best man, if he truly is looking out for the groom's best interests, should want his mate to be doing the right thing.

At the core, this is his main role. Not organizing strippers.

Buck's differences

Booze, cigars, debauchery, hazy memories, kebabs, lap dances and stumbling home covered in stripper dust.

If the Hangover has taught us just one thing it's that a buck's night is meant to be choc full of crazy, corrupting adventures.

Right?
Even for a Christian?

This is what the Internet thinks should happen at a Christian buck's night (here, here and here).

So how should the shindig go down?

I'm fine with poker/paintball/insert manly activity which results in the groom to be legally embarrassed.

I'm also okay with some robust drinking and smoking (so I'm no wowser).

But I draw the line at strip clubs.

Why?

First, because the buck's night is about two things... the groom and the bride. Both should be honoured by the night.

With that said, I don't think sitting around and watching strippers is a healthy thing to put into a soon-to-be-husbands head. Not only should it something that his soon-to-be-wife isn't be thrilled with, but it just adds another writhing body to the mental gallery she'll be compared with. I just don't see this being a wise action.

Second, especially if the groom gets drunk, the potential for things to get progressively physical is a possibility. Why would you go to a place where that is even a remote chance?

Why would you allow a bloke, especially if he is a fellow believer, to be taken to the wrong place at the wrong time?

Furthermore, how could the events at the buck's night affect the example anyone attending have if they say they're a believer? The gospel and strippers don't go together.

For I believe a buck's night can be a significant point of difference in the life of a Christian guy.

It's too bad so many guys get this so wrong by conforming to the wishes of those who aren't believers. Romans 12:2 would seem to firmly refute this...

Invisible investments

A while ago I posted a plan for the youth ministry at a church I previously worked for. It was called Come, Go, Come.

Tonight, while on the topic of the "visible" and "invisible" church, I was involved in a discussion about the importance of the church going out to where people are, not expecting them to come to us.

This, it was touted, is especially true since there are many (more than we probably realise) who are open to the gospel message and/or are already interacting positively with Christians, just not within church buildings.

In youth ministry there are many examples...
School based lunchtime groups.
Students who meet before school at a local café.
Students who hear the gospel at camp or beach mission.

The discussion tonight was about the transferring use of funds away from the church building and towards resourcing and/or strengthening the small faith communities who are already functioning.

I wonder, if this is a growing realisation by those "in the trenches" how long will it take before it flows up the financial food chain to church councils, finance teams and treasurers?

Why you should (at least) skim before church

A long time ago I imagined my perfect Sunday.

I was reminded of one of the elements during a conversation yesterday.

I was having a chat with a minister about the best time to read the newspapers on a Sunday.

Usually, if I have time, I read them between services on a Sunday.

He argued, wisely, that at minimum you should skim over the papers so you're aware of any major events heading into a service.

The reason?

You don't want to miss either a connector which you can slide into your service leading/sermon or a catastrophe which should be mentioned during the prayers.

Nothing is worse than perusing the papers on a Sunday afternoon and discovering you missed an obvious opportunity or open the door for others to thing you've ignored a pressing event.

Mother church?

Last Sunday night I stayed home from church.

In a very nice gesture, I was given the night off by my minister since it was Father's Day.

But it got me thinking about church and the way it was described by a church forefather in the "Being the Church" subject I'm doing at college.

It was noted that the church is to nourish Christians like a mother does a child.

The only trouble is... It's wrong.

A child is totally dependent on the parent for food. We should never be absolutely dependent on a church service for our spiritual food.

This is a dangerous place to be and a sign of immaturity (thus the child analogy).

The church should be a place to serve and be encouraged not be spoon fed your sole spiritual meal for the week.