Mourn-stalking the old kids?

Even though it was my birthday yesterday, and I'm barely holding onto my mid-thirties, my entire ministry experience has occurred within the age of social media. Thus, many of the young people at churches I've worked at are my friends on Facebook. Most days I'll get some sort of update about what is happening in the life of someone who makes me think... "Oh yeah, I remember that kid..."

But I wonder about the generation of youth ministers before me.

Do they stalk those who were in their ministries on social media, and if so, how do they feel about what they find?

I'm sure, when former kids are getting married or having babies, they would get a warm fuzzy.

But what if their life has taken an unfortunate turn?

Is social media stalking, in some instances, a source of mourning for what they see play out and hoped could have been?

Mr Miyagi was wrong

He's a great character, top bloke and Karate machine, but Mr Miyagi from The Karate Kid isn't a good teacher.



Sure, Daniel-san kicks ass at the end of the film (spoilers!), but his sensei's training methods are ordinary.

Why?

Because wax the car, paint the fence and scrub the deck were missing vital elements of effective training.

There was little supervision...
There was no continuing encouragement...
Most importantly, there was no partnership from doing it together.

When teaching someone how to do something, you need a generous dose of all three components.

Or else, whilst the trainee might pick up the skills via osmosis, they'll think you're a jerk.

The journey of starting anew

I've written... somewhere in the labyrinth of this blog... that those who arrive at a new church, either fresh from leaving their previous church amicably or under "less fortunate" circumstances, should be given at least a six month amnesty before they get involved seriously in any ministry.

This lets them get a good feel for the culture of the new church and allows them, if they need it, to begin healing from any damage caused by their previous church experience.

I wonder, as I've spent a bit of time gazing at various youth ministry "expectations of a leader"  agreements, how the journey from it's-my-first-week-at-your-church to hi-kids-I'm-your-new-youth-group-leader works.

Personally, I've never had to take the journey.

I wonder how I'd find not being in charge...
I wonder how I'd find not being "up front"...
I wonder how I'd find not setting the agenda...

I wonder how long I'd last before subtly mentioning my past in youth ministry.
How long would it be before I'd start sniffing around the youth ministry activities?
More importantly, how would I go about "just checking it out" without being a creeper?

The more I think about the journey from visitor to volunteer, I increasingly realise the path requires a hearty dose of courage to be willing to put yourself on the line and offer to step up.

The 9 questions to evaluate your leadership development

This is a blog post which could potentially bite me in the ass later in the year... AND be really useful.

For this coming year I've got a great opportunity to develop new and upcoming leaders in the youth and children's ministry at my church.

In order to work out if my leadership and training have been effective there are certain questions which will need to be evaluated...

Do you feel that you were communicated with appropriately?
Were expectations for what you were asked to do clear?
Were you given the physical equipment to effectively do what you're asked to do?
Were you given adequate preparation time?
Could you have used more training in what you were asked to do?
Did you feel supported during all events and activities?
Did you feel protected from unfair or unwarranted criticism?
Did you feel encouraged enough?
Do you thin that we evaluated and implemented change enough?

If these questions were asked at the start and end of every year, like they will be going forward, I suspect a lot of churches would have a far greater perspective on how they are doing in leadership development and care.

The inner preacher turmoil

You can't ask that question...
How dare you!
You hypocrite!
Surely, everyone KNOWS you have a LONG WAY to go in this area!
You aren't even CLOSE to perfect!

These are just a few of the things which will go through my head when I preach tomorrow. And in this I'm not alone.

For tomorrow, on the back of this blog post, I'll be asking more than a dozen questions.

If I'm honest, deep down, there's a part of me which knows that I have no right to stand before anyone and pose challenging questions, especially in areas where I have significant room for improvement.

Herein lies the turmoil...

If a preacher boldly declares the truth from God's word then they will always run the risk of destructive self questioning.

Fortunately, when you look at the caliber of people God's used in the past, you have no doubt they were far from perfect.

That's the kind of people God uses to ask the God-inspired challenging questions...

The important preaching question for ME not YOU

I wrote here that quality preaching involved questions.

The most important question is one I'm struggling with currently as I'm preaching this Sunday.

What is God teaching ME from this passage?

Sometimes, the only questions posed in sermon are...
What can God teach YOU?
What should YOU do in response?

In theory, the sermon and its implications should first impact the person giving the sermon and, from this, the application questions then flow into the homily.

The ministry turntable imbalance

Large ships take a long time to turn.
Usually, so do churches.

For ministries are heading in one of three directions...
Up.
Down.
Stagnant.

Obviously, every person in ministry wants their church to be heading in an upward direction, but that's not always the way it pans out.

So, how long does it take for a ministry to take a turn?

It depends... It can go south quickly...
As in one month.

If you get the essentials wrong for one unfortunate month, things can turn sour.
If you take your eye off the core elements of a sense of God's presence, worship, applicable biblical teaching, pastoral support and evangelism, then things can take a downward surge quickly.

But the upswing is usually more of a trickle than a flood.

If the change needed is cultural or theological, then it will take the amount of time needed to slowly teach and guide those present through the required lessons.

Maybe a term to six months... At least.

If the problem is leadership, then it will take as long as needed to identify, integrate and develop appropriate leaders.

Anywhere up to a year. Probably more...

A problem emerges when we want the upswing to follow the same timeframe as the downward spiral.

A church in decay for decades, or a ministry struggling for years, can't be reheated in the microwave.

Those in ministry get frustrated when we try to turn a large ship and discover that it takes far longer than we expect...

2013 Best of...

Since we have some time during post-Christmas holidays, lets take a look back over the last year...

My most viewed post, by far, was Where should the shame go? followed by "Only 18 Months" is Bullshit.

My most controversial post was over at morethandodgeball.com about Youth Group Double-dipping.

My favourite posts this year have been...

Predecessor Questions
Lots of First Dates at the RSL
Should the Church pay tax?
The Price of Punctuality
Three Questions for your World-view...
When Partying Bites you in the A$$
Drinking UNTIL...
Multicultural Misconception
The Vital Question which makes Church Notices work
FULLTILT your Prayers
It's now always a Good Day
Ministry Options: Youth
Ministry Options: Families
Emerging from What???
Worship or Music Leader?
The Chain of Communication
Positioned to Help People get through
Defending Your Turf (my third most viewed post)
What to do what a Kid thinks you're a Dickhead
Buck's Differences
The Best Man's Main Job
The Principal of Wrong Place, Wrong Time
Ministry which gets you Punched in the Head
The Grass isn't even Greener in your head
Sticking out the Milestones
The 6 Horsemen of Divorce
Why Lock-Ins?

Questioning for a good sermon

What are you going to do tomorrow?
What do you need to change?
How would that make you feel?
Who do you identify with in the parable?
Who do you need to apologise to?
When are you most tempted?

Today, whilst listening to a sermon, I had a significant realization about effective preaching.

The quality of a sermon is in direct proportion with the number of questions asked.

The reason?

If plenty of questions are asked then the chances of engagement and application are increased.

If questions are absent then, while you might have heard/delivered a quality theological lecture, the chance of life change is reduced.

I'd much rather pose questions then keep up the flow of words.

Loser leaders?

I'm about to wonder something aloud which might put me in some hot water.

Let me preface this by saying that some of my previous and current children's and youth group leaders are some of the BEST people I've ever ministered beside.

But currently, in Australia, every youth group leader has their Friday night's back until school resumes the last week of January.

Usually, they are spending one of their prime social windows to hang out with teens, not going out to party, drink, date or cavort until the wee hours of the morning.

So... I wonder.
How are they viewed by those outside the church?

When they're invited for after-work drinks, what reaction do they receive once the reason for their decline is given?

Are they considered... (gulp!)... losers?

When it comes to retaining and recruiting leaders for youth group, do we give enough weight to the, potential, social stigma of sacrificing/investing the first night of your weekend?

Why apologetics matter more today

I never need to wonder when a move was made.
Or who played the weird kid in the opening credits.
I can always find the words of THAT song stuck in my head. 

I can know everything.
Anytime.

So long as I have the Internet.

This is the modern world we now live and the church exists.

You NEVER need to wonder about a tid-bit, factoid or trivia morsel.

And this should deeply influence the way we communicate the gospel to young people.

They expect answers.
Instantly.

As Christians, it's a part of our calling to have these answers.
As someone who works for a church, it is a part of my job to help others wrestle with and find the answers, communicate the truths about Jesus and train others to critically engagee with the bible and alternate worldviews.

The Google-age demands it.

Loving Jesus vs Loving Ministry

I was looking over my X Commandments of Youth Ministry Leadership in light of some activities I'm going to do at next year's leader's weekend.

The first is obvious... Love Jesus.

But there's a danger of loving the ministry activity more than Jesus.

We can love our church more.
Or our traditions.
Or our memories of youth group.
Or the excitement of Friday afternoon.

The difference becomes clear once we look at the fruit of loving Jesus and loving ministry.

One produces disciples.
One produces churchgoers.

One changes lives.
One changes habits.

The difference maker

Hosting a free BBQ for the parents of the youngest in our youth ministry.
Putting on a gingerbread house decorating night.
Surviving a lock-in with the teens.
Navigating a jumping castle for the last week of the Kid's Club.
Helping launch the new Christmas lights display at our church.

These last few weeks have been pretty busy and I'm fairly worn down.

But, aside from a few short talks, there is nothing really on my list of activities which couldn't be done by a non-Christian.

They can put on a BBQ... Any weekend at Bunnings will tell you this.
Plenty of schools do gingerbread house events...
Scouts have sleepovers...
Jumping castles are at numerous fairs and birthdays...
Christmas light can be put up by anyone.

And herein lies the importance of the of those "short talks."

Because much of what happens in youth ministry could, potentially, be done by a competent non-believer.

You just hope that the WAY you do any event, which could be effectively run in a secular backdrop, is done in such a manner that they are undeniably shaped by Christ.

Why Lock-Ins?

Lock-ins.
Sleep-overs.
Over-nighters.

Some people love them.Others loathe them.
Plenty do them by necessity or tradition alone.

I've just had the first one at my current church to finish off the year.

As expected, there were shenanigans once the sun went down.
The girls wanted to scare the boys.
The boys fought against sleep into the wee hours.
The youth minister pulled an awesome, fear inducing, prank on the girls.

So, what's the point?

For me, the aim is to create memories and bond the group closer.

That's why you put up with the precious few hours of uncomfortable sleep.
That's why you spend hours cleaning up.
That's why you do silly, unpredictable, things.

Hopefully, by the time they go home, the group - especially those of the same gender across the school years - are melded closer together due to what they've shared.

Even if it is being scared by the youth minister late at night.

Library lending

I have a problem.

I know it.
My wife DEFINITELY knows it.

It's common for pretty much everyone in ministry.

Someone needs to start a support group.
And a 12 step program.

Because my name's Graham and I buy books.
As I mentioned here, I have lots of books.

Last Sunday I mentioned to the congregation that my books were open for business.

Between my office and home, with the Summer/university holidays in full swing, anyone can mention a topic to me and I'll probably have a book which they might find interesting.

What's the other option? The books sit on a self.

I'd much rather see my books lent out and read, with the possibly of them never returning, then sit idle collecting dust.

Church blind spots

Last night I lead church in the round (where all the chairs are in a circle) and discovered an unexpected problem.

If you aren't aware, I get very little vision out of my right eye since I scared my cornea as a young kid, subsequently making that eye lazy.

The result? Whist I can see out of my right eye, I get no clear vision. On the eye chart, if I cover my left eye, I can read the top letter and that's about all.

As I found out last night, that's a problem if you ask for volunteers and those on the right-hand edge of the circle put their hand up.

It's not unusual that you'll read about blind spots in ministry.
Usually they aren't physical.

This is when you should SHUT UP

CAUTION: Rant Approaching!

This is just a heads up for anyone MC'ing an event.

If you're going to ask for applause, do so, but SHUT UP FOR A WHILE.

Don't invite people to clap and then continue speaking. We can't hear what you're saying!

To sum up -
Invite...
Shut up...
Continue once the uproar has ceased.

End rant.

Would I really want to study the bible?

Right now every young adult can be on a study break - Year 12 has been over for a month and university exam period has just finished.

So, if you advertised for a new bible study, would this be attractive to those wanting to AVOID study?

I've previously written that bible study is/should be the wrong title for a group of Christians coming together regularly, but in light of the semester break, the name seems even less fitting.

Furthermore, does attending a "bible study" really appeal to non-believers? It seems like a lot of work for little results. What would the point be?

I suspect that an invitation to an bible exploration/application group would both be more attractive, but also a better description of what actually goes on.

The 6 horsemen of divorce

As I get older I get increasingly asked about relationships and marriage.

I've blogged about the questions I'd ask a couple before they get hitched here.

As I looked over that list, giving further thought to the traps which can ensnare a couple, the six horsemen of divorce became clear.

Family - How has your upbringing affected you? How do you get along with your in-laws? What are your thoughts about having children?

Expectations - Tying into the topic of family, do you expect that what happened in the home you grew up in to repeat? What do you expect when it comes to housework, provision and in the bedroom?

Values - What do you take into account when you make decisions? Are you aligned spiritually?

Courtship - Are you continually courting your partner? Do you have dates?

Intimacy - This is more than just sex. Are you engaging with your partners love language?

Money - To what extent are you going to share expenses? How will you decide on savings, minor and major expenses? How much will be "your money" and hat will you be accountable for? What is your attitude to debt?

Each horsemen influences the others, and boiled down, nearly all arguments between couples - especially newlyweds - fall into one or more of these categories.

Sermon response

The aim of any sermon is to get some kind of response.
Enlightenment. Repentance. Encouragement. Conviction. Enablement.

And I've been in some sermons where the only response has been boredom.
I've probably caused that reaction a few times...

But I wonder how many people at church are aware that the way they respond to the sermon is a message in itself.

Especially to those who are new to your church or just "checking out the whole God thing."

If you're engaged with the sermon, then it tells those around you that what's going on matters.

If you're disengaged - looking at your phone, speaking to the person beside you, obviously drifting off into space - then it sends the message to those around you that what's going on isn't important.

If we want people to know about the life changing message of Jesus, and one way that message in communicated is via a sermon, then I wonder what a seeker thinks when a believer is outwardly unmoved by what's going on?