2013 Best of...

Since we have some time during post-Christmas holidays, lets take a look back over the last year...

My most viewed post, by far, was Where should the shame go? followed by "Only 18 Months" is Bullshit.

My most controversial post was over at morethandodgeball.com about Youth Group Double-dipping.

My favourite posts this year have been...

Predecessor Questions
Lots of First Dates at the RSL
Should the Church pay tax?
The Price of Punctuality
Three Questions for your World-view...
When Partying Bites you in the A$$
Drinking UNTIL...
Multicultural Misconception
The Vital Question which makes Church Notices work
FULLTILT your Prayers
It's now always a Good Day
Ministry Options: Youth
Ministry Options: Families
Emerging from What???
Worship or Music Leader?
The Chain of Communication
Positioned to Help People get through
Defending Your Turf (my third most viewed post)
What to do what a Kid thinks you're a Dickhead
Buck's Differences
The Best Man's Main Job
The Principal of Wrong Place, Wrong Time
Ministry which gets you Punched in the Head
The Grass isn't even Greener in your head
Sticking out the Milestones
The 6 Horsemen of Divorce
Why Lock-Ins?

Questioning for a good sermon

What are you going to do tomorrow?
What do you need to change?
How would that make you feel?
Who do you identify with in the parable?
Who do you need to apologise to?
When are you most tempted?

Today, whilst listening to a sermon, I had a significant realization about effective preaching.

The quality of a sermon is in direct proportion with the number of questions asked.

The reason?

If plenty of questions are asked then the chances of engagement and application are increased.

If questions are absent then, while you might have heard/delivered a quality theological lecture, the chance of life change is reduced.

I'd much rather pose questions then keep up the flow of words.

Loser leaders?

I'm about to wonder something aloud which might put me in some hot water.

Let me preface this by saying that some of my previous and current children's and youth group leaders are some of the BEST people I've ever ministered beside.

But currently, in Australia, every youth group leader has their Friday night's back until school resumes the last week of January.

Usually, they are spending one of their prime social windows to hang out with teens, not going out to party, drink, date or cavort until the wee hours of the morning.

So... I wonder.
How are they viewed by those outside the church?

When they're invited for after-work drinks, what reaction do they receive once the reason for their decline is given?

Are they considered... (gulp!)... losers?

When it comes to retaining and recruiting leaders for youth group, do we give enough weight to the, potential, social stigma of sacrificing/investing the first night of your weekend?

Why apologetics matter more today

I never need to wonder when a move was made.
Or who played the weird kid in the opening credits.
I can always find the words of THAT song stuck in my head. 

I can know everything.
Anytime.

So long as I have the Internet.

This is the modern world we now live and the church exists.

You NEVER need to wonder about a tid-bit, factoid or trivia morsel.

And this should deeply influence the way we communicate the gospel to young people.

They expect answers.
Instantly.

As Christians, it's a part of our calling to have these answers.
As someone who works for a church, it is a part of my job to help others wrestle with and find the answers, communicate the truths about Jesus and train others to critically engagee with the bible and alternate worldviews.

The Google-age demands it.

Loving Jesus vs Loving Ministry

I was looking over my X Commandments of Youth Ministry Leadership in light of some activities I'm going to do at next year's leader's weekend.

The first is obvious... Love Jesus.

But there's a danger of loving the ministry activity more than Jesus.

We can love our church more.
Or our traditions.
Or our memories of youth group.
Or the excitement of Friday afternoon.

The difference becomes clear once we look at the fruit of loving Jesus and loving ministry.

One produces disciples.
One produces churchgoers.

One changes lives.
One changes habits.

The difference maker

Hosting a free BBQ for the parents of the youngest in our youth ministry.
Putting on a gingerbread house decorating night.
Surviving a lock-in with the teens.
Navigating a jumping castle for the last week of the Kid's Club.
Helping launch the new Christmas lights display at our church.

These last few weeks have been pretty busy and I'm fairly worn down.

But, aside from a few short talks, there is nothing really on my list of activities which couldn't be done by a non-Christian.

They can put on a BBQ... Any weekend at Bunnings will tell you this.
Plenty of schools do gingerbread house events...
Scouts have sleepovers...
Jumping castles are at numerous fairs and birthdays...
Christmas light can be put up by anyone.

And herein lies the importance of the of those "short talks."

Because much of what happens in youth ministry could, potentially, be done by a competent non-believer.

You just hope that the WAY you do any event, which could be effectively run in a secular backdrop, is done in such a manner that they are undeniably shaped by Christ.

Why Lock-Ins?

Lock-ins.
Sleep-overs.
Over-nighters.

Some people love them.Others loathe them.
Plenty do them by necessity or tradition alone.

I've just had the first one at my current church to finish off the year.

As expected, there were shenanigans once the sun went down.
The girls wanted to scare the boys.
The boys fought against sleep into the wee hours.
The youth minister pulled an awesome, fear inducing, prank on the girls.

So, what's the point?

For me, the aim is to create memories and bond the group closer.

That's why you put up with the precious few hours of uncomfortable sleep.
That's why you spend hours cleaning up.
That's why you do silly, unpredictable, things.

Hopefully, by the time they go home, the group - especially those of the same gender across the school years - are melded closer together due to what they've shared.

Even if it is being scared by the youth minister late at night.

Library lending

I have a problem.

I know it.
My wife DEFINITELY knows it.

It's common for pretty much everyone in ministry.

Someone needs to start a support group.
And a 12 step program.

Because my name's Graham and I buy books.
As I mentioned here, I have lots of books.

Last Sunday I mentioned to the congregation that my books were open for business.

Between my office and home, with the Summer/university holidays in full swing, anyone can mention a topic to me and I'll probably have a book which they might find interesting.

What's the other option? The books sit on a self.

I'd much rather see my books lent out and read, with the possibly of them never returning, then sit idle collecting dust.

Church blind spots

Last night I lead church in the round (where all the chairs are in a circle) and discovered an unexpected problem.

If you aren't aware, I get very little vision out of my right eye since I scared my cornea as a young kid, subsequently making that eye lazy.

The result? Whist I can see out of my right eye, I get no clear vision. On the eye chart, if I cover my left eye, I can read the top letter and that's about all.

As I found out last night, that's a problem if you ask for volunteers and those on the right-hand edge of the circle put their hand up.

It's not unusual that you'll read about blind spots in ministry.
Usually they aren't physical.

This is when you should SHUT UP

CAUTION: Rant Approaching!

This is just a heads up for anyone MC'ing an event.

If you're going to ask for applause, do so, but SHUT UP FOR A WHILE.

Don't invite people to clap and then continue speaking. We can't hear what you're saying!

To sum up -
Invite...
Shut up...
Continue once the uproar has ceased.

End rant.

Would I really want to study the bible?

Right now every young adult can be on a study break - Year 12 has been over for a month and university exam period has just finished.

So, if you advertised for a new bible study, would this be attractive to those wanting to AVOID study?

I've previously written that bible study is/should be the wrong title for a group of Christians coming together regularly, but in light of the semester break, the name seems even less fitting.

Furthermore, does attending a "bible study" really appeal to non-believers? It seems like a lot of work for little results. What would the point be?

I suspect that an invitation to an bible exploration/application group would both be more attractive, but also a better description of what actually goes on.

The 6 horsemen of divorce

As I get older I get increasingly asked about relationships and marriage.

I've blogged about the questions I'd ask a couple before they get hitched here.

As I looked over that list, giving further thought to the traps which can ensnare a couple, the six horsemen of divorce became clear.

Family - How has your upbringing affected you? How do you get along with your in-laws? What are your thoughts about having children?

Expectations - Tying into the topic of family, do you expect that what happened in the home you grew up in to repeat? What do you expect when it comes to housework, provision and in the bedroom?

Values - What do you take into account when you make decisions? Are you aligned spiritually?

Courtship - Are you continually courting your partner? Do you have dates?

Intimacy - This is more than just sex. Are you engaging with your partners love language?

Money - To what extent are you going to share expenses? How will you decide on savings, minor and major expenses? How much will be "your money" and hat will you be accountable for? What is your attitude to debt?

Each horsemen influences the others, and boiled down, nearly all arguments between couples - especially newlyweds - fall into one or more of these categories.

Sermon response

The aim of any sermon is to get some kind of response.
Enlightenment. Repentance. Encouragement. Conviction. Enablement.

And I've been in some sermons where the only response has been boredom.
I've probably caused that reaction a few times...

But I wonder how many people at church are aware that the way they respond to the sermon is a message in itself.

Especially to those who are new to your church or just "checking out the whole God thing."

If you're engaged with the sermon, then it tells those around you that what's going on matters.

If you're disengaged - looking at your phone, speaking to the person beside you, obviously drifting off into space - then it sends the message to those around you that what's going on isn't important.

If we want people to know about the life changing message of Jesus, and one way that message in communicated is via a sermon, then I wonder what a seeker thinks when a believer is outwardly unmoved by what's going on?

What to do with the well-delivered miss?

By now I've listened to many a sermon. Hundreds. Nudging thousands. 

Some have been good, having excellent, relevant points, lifted from the passage.

Most have been adequate. Not overly memorable, but a solid explanation of the passage.

Other sermons haven't been good.
They have rambled and not been applied effectively.

I'm sure I've been guilty of serving up a few of the later. Maybe more than a few.

But there's one sermon which is harder to define.

Usually, these types of sermons are given at a conference when one of the primary speakers applies "their spiel" on the main stage.

What do you do with the sermon, which contains a well delivered point, but isn't connected to the bible passage?

Since the points are commonly derived from a book they've written or a presentation they've delivered many times, the points are made exceptionally well. But they totally ignore or misapply the scriptures.

I think we have little choice but, whilst accepting the point made, place the sermon in the "not good" category.

The reason?

When I hear a sermon, I'm expecting to hear from God based on the scriptures and anything else, whilst flashy, is a fail.

Is burnout always bad?

Burnout in ministry is awful.
It affects WAY too many of those working within churches.

But what would happen if we saw burnout as a God-given sign to slow down?
What would happen if we saw burnout as a God-given sign that you need to stop or you'll lose much more than "your ministry"?
What would happen if we saw burnout as a process, not a destination?

I ask the last question because burnout shouldn't be the end.

What if someone's "burnout" is them taking the healthy step to reduce the stress in their life?
What if someone's "burnout" is them removing themselves from under a crashing weight?
What if someone's "burnout" is them removing unhealthy work practices?

Burnout doesn't have to be absolutely bad IF someone emerges from the other side with a healthier work/life balance, a closer relationship with their family and a renewed heart to serve God.

IF that's the outcome, burnout can be the exact medication required...

"Only 18 months" is Bullshit

If you hear something repeated often enough it can morph into a fact.
This is the whole idea of the TV show hosted by magicians Penn & Teller.

And this duo need to resurrect the show in order to debunk one final lie...

Everywhere you read and go, given enough time in the world of youth ministry, someone will inevitably mention the "statistic" that the average youth minister will stay at a church for 18 months.

I've written here, here and here that longevity matters. So, if the "18 month stat" is factual, then it's doing tremendous damage to the effectiveness of youth ministry.

The only trouble?

The "fact" is bullshit.
And I'm sick of hearing it.

Yeah, I went there.

The reason I say so isn't because I've done extensive research. I haven't. I can't even find any solid numbers (but I'm comfortable with the actual number being around the 4 year mark).
I'm not even going to dispute the reality that a sizable chunk of those in youth ministry don't round out their second year.

BUT...Someone must be honest enough to draw back the curtain on the "fact" which is the foundation of this myth.

The "stat of 18 months" is only factual if everyone included
a) is full-time and
b) sees youth ministry as their long-term profession.

It's wrong to place a full-time youth minister in the same boat as someone working a 15-hour-a-week position (trust me, I've done both) and unrealistic to assume they will be in a church for the same length of time.

Furthermore, it's dishonest to lump those who view youth ministry as profession, trained or being trained to do the vocation, with someone who's doing youth ministry whilst undertaking a separate, unrelated, degree at university.

The "18 month stat" is a falsehood which should be removed from the youth ministry airwaves. All it does is paint a negative picture of those in youth ministry and falsely give those who've cracked their second year a sense of longevity.

Should you shoot at missing targets?

Whenever you write a sermon, ideally, a part of your preparation is made with a few specific people in mind...
People who are different enough to make sure that what you say will speak to a variety of life stages.
People who will ask different questions to the passage before you.
People who need to hear what God's saying through this passage of scripture.

The aim is to ensure that you're message is relevant and applicable.

But what happens when one of your points, crafted with someone in mind, is directed at someone who is absent?

I say you proceed anyway.

It makes sense to go ahead since the person might hear your point through another who is there.
You continue since jettisoning a point should negatively impact the flow of what you're saying.
You go as planned because your point could speak unexpectantly to someone present.
So long as you're speaking God-inspired wisdom, you might be providing a good lesson for someone in the future.

It would be downright unfair to deny someone an important nugget of truth just because the person you visualised in your head did a no-show...

They DO need an introduction

The following phrase should NEVER be uttered in a church service...

"X needs no introduction."

The reason?

Nothing makes someone feel more out of place than being the only one in the room who hasn't got a clue.

So X might not need an introduction...
Unless you're a visitor.

Date the church

Every relationship in life, if it's going to remain healthy, needs work. Both sides need to put in the effort to make the partnership work.

This is true in romance.
This is true amongst families.
This is true amongst friends.

This is true in the church.

Nothing is so self-feeding as people who start to disconnect from church, stating a sense of disconnection.

I say this is self-feeding because those who withdraw from a community (church or otherwise), feeling excluded, further expand the problem by creating further distance. The irony? With further distance making it harder to be included, fewer opportunities to connect are opened up, so a sense of even further disconnection is established.

The reason this disconnection happens because we don't date.

We don't date the church.
The church done not continually woo its people.

If both sides (the importance of BOTH) put in the effort, the I think we'd endure the pain of break-ups far less.

Would anyone notice if you removed one accessory?

When I look back on some of my past sermons I readily acknowledge that I should have pulled the plug earlier.
 
Sometimes I've been boring.
Sometimes I've gone way too long (either the sermon or the entire service).
Sometimes I've over-promised but under-delivered.

This Sunday I'm preaching the final sermon from our Song of Songs series.

While I was recently away at a conference, I went to a effective communication and preaching elective.

In truth, I left underwhelmed.

Whilst the input was solid enough, the way it was delivered, whilst engaging (this bloke was surely a great communicator) seemed to fly in the face of his core "authentic preaching" message.

But, he did say something which pricked my ears.

If you stopped your sermon half way... what would happen?

Would anyone be able to tell?
Is your introduction clear enough that they'd be expecting more?
Would they want/need more?
Would there be a sense of disappointment or thankfulness that you sat down early?

There is a Coco Channel quote which states that when a lady gets dressed, one of the final things she should do is look in the mirror and remove one accessory.

I wonder if preachers should do the same thing with their manuscripts...