Ministry which gets you punched in the head

Sometimes the truth hurts.

Sometimes it hurts those who need to hear it.

Sometimes it hurts those who deliver it.

Sometimes, protecting those you’re called to minister to hurts.

There have been a number of times in ministry when, depending on how events transpire, I've been prepared to be punched in the head whilst doing my job.

If, when having a necessary but difficult conversation, the person lashes out negatively, I've been ready to cop a whack to the side of the head.

At other times, if someone threatening arrived at an event, I've been prepared to duck a right-cross.

A guy might not like hearing that he shouldn't be getting drunk or sleeping with his girlfriend. And he might react by smacking you in the head. So be it.

If a restricted person attempts to attend an event or drunken teens arrive at an activity, upon being asked to leave, the wrongdoer might respond with violence. So be it.

As a bloke, I think this is just one of the risks of messy ministry.

Next time you get annoyed by kids in church...

Last weekend I was at the joint baptism of my nieces and nephew.

Between the service being very Catholic and my daughter wanting to roam the room like she's grown accustomed to church, at times, I was a little lost.

In fact, the kids presence made keeping track of the read-straight-out-of-the-book service quite difficult.

In truth, I don't think I missed a great deal.

But there were some who gave the obligatory glares because the kids were making noise (gasp!).

The longer I work for a church, and the longer I'm a parent, the clearer one thing becomes...
If you get annoyed by children in church (especially young kids) then the problem is not with the toddler. The problem is with you and your understanding of church.

Families are God initiated institutions.
Children are a blessing from God to the parents and the church.
Jesus welcomes children.

The question I have for those who tut-tut kids in church is...
Would you rather be in a quiet, child free, church which is dying, or hear the toddler?

The Principal of Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Earlier in the week I wrote a Tiny Bible Bit on Facebook about Proverbs 7:6-10,21.

Usually, my posts are liked and, sometimes, commented on.

This one wasn't.

I think the reason was the topic matter.

Wrong Place.
Wrong Time.

I've previously written about the important elder statesman conversation which should be had with many Christian young adults. The enquiry beginning with "Walk me through what you were thinking..." matters due to the danger of wrong place, wrong time.

Christians in their late teens and twenties can wander into threatening/tempting situations just because they put themselves or others in positions which they should never have been.

My post recently about Buck's night's is an obvious example. They can easily wander into the wrong place, wrong time.

And at the wrong place, wrong time...
Mistakes happen.
Unforseen mistakes.
Costly mistakes.

This is what ensnared the bloke in Proverbs 7 and the principal which the elder statesman is trying to warn everyone to be alert to...

The Best Man's main job

This was meant to be posted right off the back of my last post, but I've been having computer issues...

I've never been a best man. Or even a groomsman.

But I've seen plenty.

And most people think the job of a best man is to make sure the groom is at the church on time, wearing a suit. Additionally, he is meant to organize a Buck's night and, perhaps, hold the wedding ring for a portion of the ceremony.

But the above description misses, I think, the most important duty of the best man.

Make sure the groom is making the right choice.

His most important job, in all seriousness, is to take the groom aside just prior to the wedding ceremony and ask him is he wants to actually go through with it.

Hopefully, the groom has sincerely considered the vows he is about to take (pooped himself at the gravity of the decision) and wants to proceed.

But if he doesn't, it is the job of the best man to hold the back door of the church open, bundle the runaway-groom in a cab and cop the flack when he informs everyone that the wedding won't go ahead.

The best man, if he truly is looking out for the groom's best interests, should want his mate to be doing the right thing.

At the core, this is his main role. Not organizing strippers.

Buck's differences

Booze, cigars, debauchery, hazy memories, kebabs, lap dances and stumbling home covered in stripper dust.

If the Hangover has taught us just one thing it's that a buck's night is meant to be choc full of crazy, corrupting adventures.

Right?
Even for a Christian?

This is what the Internet thinks should happen at a Christian buck's night (here, here and here).

So how should the shindig go down?

I'm fine with poker/paintball/insert manly activity which results in the groom to be legally embarrassed.

I'm also okay with some robust drinking and smoking (so I'm no wowser).

But I draw the line at strip clubs.

Why?

First, because the buck's night is about two things... the groom and the bride. Both should be honoured by the night.

With that said, I don't think sitting around and watching strippers is a healthy thing to put into a soon-to-be-husbands head. Not only should it something that his soon-to-be-wife isn't be thrilled with, but it just adds another writhing body to the mental gallery she'll be compared with. I just don't see this being a wise action.

Second, especially if the groom gets drunk, the potential for things to get progressively physical is a possibility. Why would you go to a place where that is even a remote chance?

Why would you allow a bloke, especially if he is a fellow believer, to be taken to the wrong place at the wrong time?

Furthermore, how could the events at the buck's night affect the example anyone attending have if they say they're a believer? The gospel and strippers don't go together.

For I believe a buck's night can be a significant point of difference in the life of a Christian guy.

It's too bad so many guys get this so wrong by conforming to the wishes of those who aren't believers. Romans 12:2 would seem to firmly refute this...

Invisible investments

A while ago I posted a plan for the youth ministry at a church I previously worked for. It was called Come, Go, Come.

Tonight, while on the topic of the "visible" and "invisible" church, I was involved in a discussion about the importance of the church going out to where people are, not expecting them to come to us.

This, it was touted, is especially true since there are many (more than we probably realise) who are open to the gospel message and/or are already interacting positively with Christians, just not within church buildings.

In youth ministry there are many examples...
School based lunchtime groups.
Students who meet before school at a local café.
Students who hear the gospel at camp or beach mission.

The discussion tonight was about the transferring use of funds away from the church building and towards resourcing and/or strengthening the small faith communities who are already functioning.

I wonder, if this is a growing realisation by those "in the trenches" how long will it take before it flows up the financial food chain to church councils, finance teams and treasurers?

Why you should (at least) skim before church

A long time ago I imagined my perfect Sunday.

I was reminded of one of the elements during a conversation yesterday.

I was having a chat with a minister about the best time to read the newspapers on a Sunday.

Usually, if I have time, I read them between services on a Sunday.

He argued, wisely, that at minimum you should skim over the papers so you're aware of any major events heading into a service.

The reason?

You don't want to miss either a connector which you can slide into your service leading/sermon or a catastrophe which should be mentioned during the prayers.

Nothing is worse than perusing the papers on a Sunday afternoon and discovering you missed an obvious opportunity or open the door for others to thing you've ignored a pressing event.

Mother church?

Last Sunday night I stayed home from church.

In a very nice gesture, I was given the night off by my minister since it was Father's Day.

But it got me thinking about church and the way it was described by a church forefather in the "Being the Church" subject I'm doing at college.

It was noted that the church is to nourish Christians like a mother does a child.

The only trouble is... It's wrong.

A child is totally dependent on the parent for food. We should never be absolutely dependent on a church service for our spiritual food.

This is a dangerous place to be and a sign of immaturity (thus the child analogy).

The church should be a place to serve and be encouraged not be spoon fed your sole spiritual meal for the week.

Chat leaders

Each week I produce a run sheet for both the youth group and kids club. Call me slightly OCD.

And each week I have the same two words multiple times... CHAT LEADERS.

For there are multiple times during each weekly event when connecting conversations are able to naturally occur - when kids arrive, when everyone is eating, when travelling with kids and just before kids leave.

And each week, with my new leaders, I push them to get two stories.

Two stories about the kids week.
And follow up from the two stories from the previous week.

As I outlined earlier, these "How was your week?" questions are vital because they show the young person that, unlike many adults in their life, you actually care.

But, more so, I want the leaders to be comfortable asking the connecting question in the first place.

Leader innoculation

The weeks are quickly counting down until the year 6's are given their first taste of youth group.

Over the last month I've tried an idea which, in an ideal world, would make the transition from children-to-youth ministry MUCH SMOOTHER.

Leader inoculation.

Ideally, you would be able to parachute some of your youth group leaders into the children's ministry activities so that the borderline-high-schoolers can familiarize themselves with some of the youth ministry leadership team.

And anything which takes the unknown out of youth group is a massive step in the right direction.

What to do when a kid thinks you're a dickhead

What do you do when a kid at your church doesn't like you?

I write WHEN because, inevitably, you won't get on with every kid. And, despite your best efforts, every young person won't get along with you.

But this isn't the end of the world.

Why?

Because it's not all about you.

And this is why you have co-leaders.
Leaders who don't look the same. Think the same. Sound the same.
They will connect with teens who you don't have an awesome chemistry with.

But, what if you don't have someone who connects with a kid in your church?

First, don't give up. You might grow on one another as time and trust is developed.
Second, pray for the kid and opportunities to make a stronger connection.
Third, the answer might be to point them towards an alternate ministry. If we truly believe that we aren't in competition with the church around the corner, then pointing the youngster in there direction isn't a great problem. Further, you can try and channel the youth into some of the Christian activities at their school.

Who knows, this tough kid could end up being one of your most valuable leaders in the future, connecting with similar kids who you won't gel with.

All you need to do is get over those first few months.

The last minute inspiration

Earlier this week I posted about the frantic last hour before a ministry event.

Last night I went through the frantic last minutes before speaking.

Normally I'm quite (some would almost say over) prepared, but for this gig, I was only signed up to speak the previous day due to the original bloke having a medical emergency.

And plans were... quite fluid.

Including the start of my talk.

In order to make a stronger connection with the night's theme I added a reflection exercise which only really hit me ten minutes before going on to speak.

Usually this is the blueprint for disaster.

But, on this occasion, it worked fairly well.

In fact, this is just the second time that I can ever remember following through with an idea which not only hit me in the moments prior to speaking but also transformed the structure of a talk.

When would I do it again?

First, only if the point must ACTUALLY adds to what I'm going to say. It's usually unwise to go with the last minute inspiration because it's majorly undercooked and there's no point adding another loosely connected or developed tangent. Better is the aim, not just more.

And second, the addition only makes the cut at the cost of something else. There's little point adding to what you're going to say if you've timed your talk accurately and have a timeframe to work towards. Again, better is the aim, not more.

Defending your turf?

You'd never say it out loud, but you/your church might dare to think it internally...

It's OUR school.
It's OUR service.
It's OUR program.
It's OUR culture.
It's OUR church.

The biggest, most shocking, trouble?

We can claim turf which isn't, and potentially has never been, ours.

The frantic last hour

It happens before Kid's Club.
It happens before youth group.
It happens before services on Sunday.
It definitely happens before big events or camps.

The frantic last hour.

And whilst it might not be the ACTUAL 60 minutes prior to an activity, it's as inevitable as the Sun rising in the East.

Going through my metal checklist I...
Confirm that the room is set up the way you want.
Double check that your technology will work.
Check the microphone works and it at the correct level.
Make sure you have any handouts to give out.
Ensue you have the notes or props for your input.
Take a tinkle.
Have SOMETHING to eat.

As any church secretary I've worked beside can attest I, progressively, run around like a crazy person as the deadline for kids arriving approaches.

And, as I've written before, I love it having to hit the deadline.

In fact, I get a nervous unrest if I get a lot of downtime prior to an activity.

The biggest secret?
Plan for your frantic last hour to finish at least 30 minutes before the event is due to begin.

Someone who doesn't really care is a positive thing

We've been mates for a long, long time.
He was one of the people who stood beside me when I got married, endured two miscarriages and welcomed our daughter into the world.

And he's not a Christian (at least the last time I checked).

In fact, he probably cares about my church as much as I care about the finance (?) company he works for.

And that's a good thing.

Because, when I need an escape from the chaos or stress of ministry, there will always be a guy who wants to do little else than have a chat, grab a feed, knock back a beer and watch some sport.

And sometimes, that's the exact thing you need.

This isn't a great song... but...

I'm not one of those guys who compulsively needs to use a song in every presentation they give.

In fact, I hardly ever use them.

I'm just not a "music guy."

The majority of my CD's are "best of" albums of mainstream bands.
I don't have an iTunes account and I've never downloaded a song. Ever.

But I can respect those who will utilize music to help convey the message they are trying to communicate.

And, occasionally, when someone will play a song they'll give a declaimer...

This song isn't very good... but...

This song is a bit old... but...
This song is a bit slow... but...
This song has a bit of a cringe-worthy video... but...
This song isn't the best recording... but...

BUT... the message contained within is worthwhile and exactly what I want you to hear.

Sometimes, in order to communicate your message, you need to admit that... even though this isn't a great song... keep your ears open for the but.

Postioned to help people get through

Right now life is tough.
Life at church is REALLY tough.
My church is going through one of those events which you hope you'll never personally encounter.

And it's at times like these that you sometimes wonder why you're caught up in the midst of disaster.

Over the last few days I've been increasingly aware that, for some, they are put into a church in order to help the church GET THROUGH the tough times.

Even though it wasn't on the job description they initially signed up for, it is one of the primary reasons they were placed in that church, at that time.

4 stages of giving

I really liked this post about the stages of maturity people go through in regards to the way they view giving.

Stage 1 - I won't.

Stage 2 - I will, but I won't like it.

Stage 3 - I will because it helps out.

Stage 4 - I will because I want to thank God.

My only issue is that it seems to miss a half stage...

Stage 2.5 - I will, but it will be the equivalent of tipping - Nothing but the loose change I happen to have when the offering bag passes by.

What do I have to feel guilty about?

For non-believers, guilt is a poor strategy.
Unless someone gives some value towards the words of the bible or the church, then guilt won't work.

Why?

Because I don't feel guilty about staying in on Saturday and not going to synagogue.
Nor do I feel bad about skipping Islamic prayer times.

But I'm not an observant Jew or Muslim.

So why would someone who's a non-Christian feel bad about missing church or having sex before marriage?

With one less reason... What do you expect?

This week I spoke about relationships and sex in both a year 10, public high school, scripture class and the youth group at my church.

Unsurprisingly, they responded a tad differently.

Generally, the year 10 class wanted to know where "the line" was and if an action was "too far" or "okay for a Christian."

Going into the lesson, these were the questions I expected.

The reason?
I expect non-Christians to act like unbelievers.

It shouldn't be a surprise.

So, changes are, some in my scripture class are having or have had sex.
And they are getting drunk.
And experimenting with drugs.

They have, at least, one less reason not too act differently (wanting to follow Jesus!) compared to the junior high kids at my church.