Ministry options: Youth

Of course, there are loads of ways to "do" ministry with young people. The only thing which limits you is your imagination and child safety requirements.

In my head though, there are really six primary options (which can happen on or off site)...

#1 - Do the typical Friday night youth group with games, food, spiritual input & small groups.

#2 - Do a similar program to number 1, ending with a meal leading into the midweek or evening church service.

#3 - Have your teens meet in gender/school year based small groups with an intentionally high relational temperature.

#4 - Primarily host large events in place of weekly meetings or small groups.

#5 - Do no set activities, but initiate a one-on-one mentoring/elder support program.

#6 - Intentionally have no specialized youth programs (GASP!), but incorporate all ages into your church services.

Or #7 - Combine 1-5..

I Am vs I Do

I'm a youth minister.
I do youth ministry.

No matter if the above statements, for you, have to do with plumbing, engineering or accounting...
One is healthy.
The other is not.

When I was between jobs in 2008 one of the worst things was the loss of identify.

I dreaded the introductory question of "what do you do?" because I had no real reply.

Perhaps I needed to listen closer to the question.

When we ask someone about their job we aren't asking them about their identity. Although they can be tightly entwined, the query asks WHAT YOU DO, not WHO YOU ARE.

We need to change our response.

For I AM a husband.
I AM a son.
I AM a father.
I AM a Christian.
But I DO youth ministry.

The must ask questions for the 20 year old male to answer...

Neither of these questions are new revelations to me. In fact, I've written about both before. But, as I guy, these are the two questions I should have been asked once I burst into my second decade.

Why are you not drinking light beer?
and
Walk me through your thoughts leading up to and during (insert questionable action)?

With these two questions I could have avoided a lot of mistakes over the next decade...

It's not always a good day

Mother' Day.
Father's Day.
Christmas.

Usually these are happy times.
Usually these are days to be celebrated.
Usually...

But Father's Day 2010 sucked. Big time.

Last Sunday, on Mother's Day, I shared my tale of Father's Day 2010.

That was my first Father's Day after my Dad died from cancer.
That was my first Father's Day after our first miscarriage.
It was the first Father's Day when I started to think I might never become a Dad.

For some people, times of celebration are painful.

Mum & Dad are not words associated with warm fuzzy emotions. Instead they are paired with bitterness, anger, abusive or absent.

Mother's Day and Father's Day remind them of what they've lost or what they will never posses.

Even Christmas, in 2010 -  barely a week after out second miscarriage (which occurred the due date of our first miscarriage), sucked.

On Sunday, I acknowledged that for some present and (even if they're unaware) someone they will know, Mother's Day will be a difficult time.

So we prayed.

And it was good. Really good.

But why HERE & NOW?

I just had a great conversation with someone about church and what God is doing within them, sometimes in a fairly different ways.

The point he raised, when considering if something is "from God," don't forget to ask the further questions "IF this is from God, then why is He doing it HERE and NOW?"

For, if you ponder these questions, they will dramatically help you discern the initial one.

And if you can recognise the timing of God, especially if "the movement" doesn't match your context, then you can have a far greater appreciation for why God is going in that direction OVER THERE.

Inviting > Welcoming

Our Internet is having some issues, so I can't access the link, but yesterday I read an article on churchleaders.com which made a great point. (here is the link)

If you have the choice, don't be a welcoming church.
Be an inviting church.

Why inviting over welcoming?

Because one is active whilst the other is passive.

One goes to the people whilst the other waits for people to come to them.

Best of all? If your church is inviting, then by default, they will be welcoming to people who are invited since that's how they'll want their invitees to be treated!

The secret to going home on time

I've been doing this guy's third point in preventing burnout since the computer in the church office, which I use, is slow. Painfully slow.

The software is slow.
The Internet is horribly slow.
If you try and do more than a single task then the computer will have a fit and stall for thirty seconds.

What takes 90 seconds on a "normal" computer takes you 10 minutes in the office.

The simple solution is to bring my laptop to work and use that. No worries.

But this has an additional benefit.

For, right now, I have roughly two hours and thirty minutes. Then that's it.

That's how long it will take for the battery on my laptop to die today.

After that, it will be time to quickly wrap up whatever needs to be done on the church computer (like printing) and head to my Mum's and collect my daughter.

My laptop won't let me work until the wee hours of the night since, in my mind, we both shut down at the same time.

And incredibly... I've been getting home on time.

Can you combine flirty, single and in ministry?

I've never been single whilst working for a church.

But it was only by a matter of months.

Sometimes I wonder about single people in ministry and the challenges they must face.

Lately, I've been curious about the process just prior to dating... Flirting.

If you're working at a church, finding yourself attracted to a member of the opposite gender, when do you need to disclose this to someone?
Is there a point where you need to "have a chat about your desire to openly flirt?"
Is there a point where you get "called out" for your flirting?

Undoubtedly there's a line which, when you cross it, you'll need to disclose your desire for "potentially something more."

But... If you're a single person in ministry...
And you don't find someone at beach mission.
Or stumble over your soul mate at bible college.
Or lock eyes with a ministry colleague across a crowded conference room.

Surely the best place to find someone is church and is it reasonable to expect every relationship for the single-and-in-ministry to begin without that clumsy flirting?

The change conversation you need to count

Whenever changes happens, even for the better, something needs to, at least in part, come to an end.

Whenever something changes there will be people for whom the former ways worked better.

Whatever change occurs there will be people turning up whom would have fitted better into the previous system.

This is the inevitable risk of change.

Eventually you'll need to look someone in the eye and say that you're heading in a different direction. Even if it doesn't suit them perfectly.

You'll need to explain to someone new that what you provide is now on at an alternate time.

For...
If you change the day of the youth group, it'll clash with someone's music tutor or sports practice.
If you create an alternate family-friendly service, your target core will not only leave their former service but there will still be young families who arrive in the morning.
If you change the night of a small group then it won't mesh with someone's work or university timetable.

This is just one of the, often uncounted, costs of change.

But if the change is well thought out, with a well defined purpose, then the conversation with those "missing out" doesn't have to callously end with "sorry" but a productive invitation to be involved.

Luther was one bad MoFo

You didn't want to get on the wrong side of Martin Luther... http://ergofabulous.org/luther/

FULLTILT your prayers

So... How do you pray?
What do you actually do?

When posed with that question the answer I received and now pass on is the following...

F - Focus. Take time out. Remove distractions.

U - Up. You aren't trying to reach Nirvana, but focus on God. His nature. His promises.

L - Lay it on the Line. When you do the previous point, especially if you touch on the holiness of God, then you should be lead to see the difference between us and a perfect God. We should come before God in honest confession, mindful of the next part...

L- Lap it up! When someone comes before God in repentance, He is merciful and will forgive us. This is an awesome thing which we should revel in!

T - Thanks. We should be grateful for not only what God has just done, but reflect on all the blessings He bestows on us.

I - I want/need/like. Having showed gratitude for both large and small , we can now ask God for what we want/need. BUT, we must be mindful that God is not a cosmic genie, for if a request will not be for our good or for the advancement of God's Kingdom, then a wise God will say no. If it'll be harmful then a good God won't let you win the lottery.

L - Listen. Prayer is not a one way conversation. Whilst we may not see a burning bush, we should take time for God is direct us to places in scripture or formulate ideas.

T - Travel. Prayer shouldn't terminate at Amen. It should be a way of life.

TAWG

Without fail, whenever someone saw the program for the leader's weekend just passed they asked the same question... What does TAWG stand for?

Time Alone With God.

For 30 minutes each morning the leaders were given some time out for just them and God.

One of the great things about weekends away is that you get more space than usual.

But I know, if you're not used to it, then 30 minutes can seem a little daunting. What do you do for half an hour?

On Sunday I walked the leaders through the answer I use when asked what people should do when praying (which I'll outline in my next post).

Additionally, TAWG is useful because it gives the introverts some time out from everyone else...

The elder statesman conversation

Walk me through what you were thinking...
Is that action really wise???
Trust me, as one who's gone through it/see it before...

Churches should be a place where conversations begin with the above statements.

Ideally, they will occur between an older and a younger Christian.

And you can tell when these significant conversations are absent as believers find themselves in predicaments which, when looking back, they recognize could have avoided with a dose of solid advice.

It is the role, particularly of older guys (notice I didn't say the minister!), to develop the culture and cultivate the relationships where this valuable advice can be given and heeded.

The game which changes the attitude

I just got back from a weekend away with the youth group leaders at my new church to plan the rest of the year and do some leadership development (looking at the LEEP and SHAPE ideas and how they fit into our context).

But when my leaders arrived at the location of the weekend they were... underwhelmed.

The hot water was... temperamental.
Some of the mattresses were... less than ideal.
The upstairs windows were... uncooperative.

But one game changed it all.

No matter if it's love-at-first-sight or you're initial unimpressed by a site, two rounds of this game will make you swoon over any location.

The love potion for any location? Hide and seek. In pitch black. Over the entire site.

Especially with adults.

Because adults are crafty.
Adults are sneaky.
Adults are prepared to squeeze into a cramp-inducing space.
Adults get a sick satisfaction from hearing someone you know stumble around in the dark, just feet away from your location, totally unaware.
And scaring people in the dark is awesome.

The vital question which makes church notices work

I've written about church notices announced during the service in the past (you can check it out here). To sum up, I've said that they should be short and involve stories.

Over the last few weeks my thinking has had an important development.

Notices should still be punchy a they should definitely involve stories by people who are personally involved with the notice.

But my appreciation for notices has increased since I now include a vital question.

A question which communicates the whole purpose of, not just notice announcing, but, arguably, church gatherings.

The question is... Where have you encountered God lately?

The reason anything should be announced in church is because we expect God to be at work within the things which are promoted.

And church should be a place where those in the congregation are comfortable enough and encouraged to share what God has been doing in their world, no matter if it is world-altering or something more mundane.

The icing on the cake?
I'd actually WANT to hear these notices and they might BE INTERESTING!

Where should the shame go?

I'm still a virgin...
I've never been drunk...
I've never done drugs...

If a Christian shares the above facts about their life then I can understand the usual reactions of surprise or pity from a non-believer.

But how should fellow believers react?
Do they always admire them?

Unfortunately, when such revelations are thrust into the spotlight, it's not uncommon for there to be two negative reactions...

Shame and pressure.

Pressure for the one who has not, say got drunk, to drink up and shame that the person has, so far, "missed out."

I think these reactions are absolute crap.

The idea that a Christian would try and make another stumble is deplorable.
The concept that someone should be made to feel bad because they have done, and are doing, what THEY SHOULD BE DOING is absurdly stupid.

The few answers I can give for these reactions are either ignorance, callousness or shame.

I suspect it is the latter.

When a person sees someone else, again using the example of drunkenness, "getting things right" then is exposes where they are "getting things wrong."

If virgins and those who abstain from sex and drugs cause shame it should be for those who know better and screw up anyway.

A deserved or miraculous mark?

Today I saw a sign outside a school which wished good luck to year 12's having exams.

It reminded me of an annual debate I have when asked to pray for a student to receive "good" marks.

When it comes to exams I don't ask God to grant miracles.
I ask God to give students the mark they deserve*.

I do so...
First, because I think it's fair.
And, second, I think a deserved mark is a far greater life lesson for the student.

I think a better prayer is one which expands beyond the examination period.

Prayer for prolonged productive study.
Prayer for a healthy balance of school, work, rest and church.
Prayer for positive relationships within their homes and social circles.
Prayer for good management of stress and anxiety.
Prayer for an awareness of God's presence, no matter how well or otherwise they perform in exams.

Otherwise, what message would it send if a lazy student receives the same mark as a student who has worked really hard all year?

* Okay, maybe they can have a couple of extra marks...

EGP

Everyone knows one...
Probably a few.

They are in every church...
Everywhere.
Even yours.

EGP's: Extra Grace People.

There will be some people, who for you, will require an extra dose of grace to be around.

And that's okay.

In fact, it should be expected if your church has more than three people, especially those who aren't identical or less than perfect.

And I can assure you...
for some people...
You will be THAT person.

Ministry NEEDS vs WANTS

I'd love to do xyz, that would be awesome!
Finally, that opportunity has appeared, now we can do xyz!
After working for it for a decade, I think we can finally make it happen.

There are loads of things churches WANT to do.

But a question which must never be forgotten is...
Does the community around you, or whomever you are trying too reach, NEED what you are so excited about?

It would be a shame for churches to invest time and effort just for a new venture to flop because it met an unwanted need.

Beyond the empty tomb

I dressed like the Easter Bunny...
I broke Easter eggs over my head...
I spoke all about the empty tomb...
And I momumentually missed the point.

Easter is not about the empty tomb.
It's not about a vacant grave.

Easter is about Jesus being alive.

This makes all the difference.
Not just an empty cave.