Friday, August 29, 2014

Two days blind

When I was a young kid, I was chased by my older sister and, having turned to look at her in pursuit, slammed head-first into the edge of a wall. Consequently, I scratched the cornea of my right eye, causing it to become lazy. Thus, I get ninety percent of vision out of my left eye.

In my final year of high school I was then diagnosed with a degenerative corneal disease in my "good" eye, placed on the corneal transplant list, but managed through the wearing of a hard contact lens. Over the following years, I became eligible for the transplant, but my condition was relatively stable.

Then, in 2006, I broke my collarbone and couldn't put in my contact lens (since it required both hands). In what some might call a healing/miracle/unexplained medical occurrence, some weird blood vessels grew in my eye and my vision was restored to the point where I no longer needed my contact lens.

I've had "perfect" sight every day since.

Until Monday afternoon.

While pruning something in the garden I got flicked in the eye by a branch. Nothing too serious as the pain died down over a few hours and there was minimal redness.

Except I'd lost my clear sight.

And I was sure it'd get better.

But, Tuesday morning, it wasn't.

And, my optometrist could find nothing wrong.

Come Wednesday, my vision still wasn't better.

And my cornea/eye specialist couldn't find anything wrong.

So, for two days, I was without one of the primary indicators of the biggest thing God had done in my life. I was without the thing which provided me the tools to do what I do.

This, in union with the inner fears for what a vision-impaired future might hold, stirred up quite a bit of anxiety.

In one innocuous gardening mishap, I was thrown back a decade-and-a-half to a time I couldn't drive and reading was problematic.

In fact, until a few hours ago, I still would have struggled to pass the eye exam for a drivers license (one of the original indicators that there was anything wrong).

So, what did this trial reveal?

First, I had taken my vision for granted. It had been far too long since I'd been thankful for God's continual unexplained provision of sight.

Second, by pure coincidence, earlier that week I wrote a Tiny Bible Bit about Proverbs 15:22. It mentioned the danger of solely listening to the voices inside your head and my thoughts could have taken a pretty dark turn thinking about what this "inconvenience" would cost me personally, professionally and spiritually. It, in the worst-case-scenario, could've cost me my job and the ability to preach, read the bible, drive legally and clearly watch my daughter grow up.

It's ironic when God uses what you write or preach, at a later date, to speak clearest and loudest to yourself.

Third, I was challenged in a way which reminded me of Job 1:9-11. My supervisor, who I meet with yesterday, wanted me to think about how this challenge would effect my view of who God now was if my world was now fuzzy.

To be honest, I'm exceedingly glad I don't have to find out.

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