The pain reaction which stays with a man

There’s a distinct moment in the life of a young lad that, in my mind, determines where he is on the path to manhood.

It has nothing to do with your birthday or a date on any calendar.

It’s not shaving for the first time.

It’s not getting your first job.

It’s not picking up a lady and getting laid.

It has to do with the way you respond to getting hurt.

When you’re a child and you get hurt you respond in two ways.

You cry.

You look for your mum.

These are the responses of a child. Accepted responses.

But, as you mature, the way you react to physical pain changes.

Hurt equals anger.

Every man knows this it be true.

They have all undergone the same metamorphosis.

As a bloke gets older, if he stubs his toe, he’ll swear, not cry.

If a bloke falls over, he’ll make noises like Peter Griffin, but he’ll no longer shed a tear.

This is the subtle change that you see on the rugby field around the ages of 12-13.

As injuries happen, some weep. Others yell. The new accepted response.

No matter, everyone fell for the old “magic sponge” trick to make you feel better

(I said it was a sign on maturity, not intelligence).

Nonetheless, this transformation for the way we react to pain stays with us.

Hurt = anger.

And, what starts as a reaction to physical pain, can bleed over to other forms of pain.

Relational pain.

Emotional pain.

Disappointment.

Dissatisfaction.

Grief.

We are conditioned to avoid tears and release our hurt through anger.

Ditto for fear.

Same for a lack of control.

This is why men, most often, are angry.

They are manifesting their pain.

And, what worked throughout puberty - and what was accepted by their peers - is still their go-to response.