The modern effect of misunderstanding kairos & chronos time

Currently, I’m teaching my year 7 classes about time.

I like teaching this introductory topic because it reminds me just how tricky the concept of time is.

For, we think we confidently know far more than we actually do.

The length of a year?

The number of year we are in?

The order of the months?

All of these are far more complex than they appear on face value.

In fact, how the time students think about time harkens back to the Greeks - chronos and kairos. 

Time can be linear and ordered - chronos - or time can be segmented and highlighted by moments of significance - kairos.

The easiest way to display both is on a timeline. 

Only moments of significance are added to the timeline and the timeline itself is a chronological representation.

But, modernity struggles with the two differentiations.

Why?

Because we create reels instead of photo albums. 

Reels document every chronos moment. 

Photo albums are reserved for the kairos moments.

Nowadays, our holidays are punctuated by 1500 pictures instead of 50 photos.

We take pictures of food instead of being present for meals.

We live moments through our screens, not seeking to cement them in our memories.

For kairos is expensive. Chronos is cheap.

Before we documented, shared and judged every chronological moment in our lives, the restrictions of price and time restricted earlier generation to commemorate only kairos moments.

The playbook for finding a long-term relationship

In my last post I wrote that Tinder won’t find you love.

Tinder rewards attractiveness and attention. The relationships you admire are built on more than these.

So, what dating advice would I give to someone searching for a long-term relationship?

Date in an old-fashioned way.

Date based upon time, not swipes.

Date based upon character, not Instagramability.

Date based upon connection, not choice.

The way you do this is by, paradoxically, saying yes.

Putting yourself physically out there, not digitally.

Putting yourself in contact with a range of people - those you know, those who are known by others and those you’ve never met.

For, these are the contacts you need.

And start by saying yes.

Date a friend.

No really. 

Date someone you already know.

Take the risk.

Date someone who already knows your quirks and you know there’s.

Date someone who has already seen your character and you know there’s.

Date someone who you already have a foundation of friendship.

And… say yes to dating them.

At least once.

This works best.

It has for generations. 

It still works now.

But, please don’t start by randomly kissing them as a TikTok challenge.

Change your mindset to seeing your male/female friends as a romantic potentials.

But, what if you a friend isn’t an option?

Ask your friends or close workmates to recommend someone.

I know… cringe.

But, if you’re wanting QUALITY recommendations, they will come from people know ACTUALLY know you, not an algorithm.

Again, these are people who know your quirks.

People who know your character.

People who know… you… by spending time and experiences with you.

And… if the point you towards someone… say yes to dating them.

At least once.

Again, this has worked for generations.

It still works now.

But, what if this isn’t an option?

Then branch out. 

Network.

Go to places where you bump into people.

Join clubs.

Join teams.

But… do so in places where you have things in common.

If you like running… join your local park run.

If you like netball… start playing mixed netball.

If you like (insert whatever)… find a place where you can physically meet people who share that interest.

You may get fortunate and meet someone who is also single. With something you have in common. That you can talk about. That you can share.

And… say yes to dating them.

At least once.

Again, this has worked for generations.

It still works now.

NOTICE THE TREND!!!

When you go back and consider the relationships you most admire, this is how they started.

It has worked for generations.

It still works now.

Why Tinder won’t find you what you’re searching for

Modern dating sounds awful.

I’m immensely glad that I’ve never had to do it.

Of the many reasons, I would hate to be on the meat-market that is dating apps.

Frankly, I’m not attractive enough. 

On a good day, I’m a seven at best. Probably a six-and-a-half.

Maybe.

If the lighting is perfect.

But, the reason I shake my head at the Tinder interactions I overhear is that… it doesn’t work.

Not if you’re looking for something serious.

Not if you’re looking for something long-term.

Not if your primary concern is love or commitment.

Now, of course, there are success stories.

Although, I suspect, if you want something deeper than a fling, Tinder is the wrong place to look.

But, people on Tinder need to be honest about what they want.

Do they want something serious?

Do they want something long-term?

Do they want something … and this is the tricky question… which resembles the relationship/marriage that they admire the most?

If they do, dating apps isn’t the place they are likely to find it.

Why?

Because in any app where you swipe your way through a mass of potentials, only the foundation of the short-term are rewarded.

Attraction.

Attention.

This fuels hookups.

This feeds flings.

This gets swipes.

But they aren’t a foundation for serious relationships.

For, any relationship which you admire is based upon something different… they are based on character.

They are based on love.

They are based on service.

They are based on kindness.

They are based on forgiveness.

They are based on commitment.

They are based on respect.

They don’t revolve around attractiveness and attention.

But, this is what Tinder rewards.

And there’s a bunch of thing which Tinder fails to expose.

In fact, this is what short-term dating fails to reveal.

To get a genuine glimpse of someone’s character takes time.

You need to see how they treat the server.

You need to see how they respond while they wait in traffic.

You need to see how they handle adversity.

You need, frankly, the opportunity to see how they live life unfiltered.

Tinder doesn’t allow this.

Tinder certainly doesn’t reward this.

This, for a lot of people, means that they are searching in a place where they - in all likelihood - wont find what they’re looking for.

The great guy… doesn’t get past the filter of attractiveness and attention.

The quality lady… gets overlooked.

For, the reasons why they would make for a tremendous partner are unseen.

And yet… these are the very markers which punctuate the kind of relationships which people admire.

These are the things which permeate the relationships they aspire to have.

But, Tinder won’t show them to you.

So, if this is what you want, you need to fish somewhere else…

And probably start using better bait.

In my next post, I’ll give you dating advice I’d give someone wanting to find something meaningful.

Should you hope that your teens gets a crush on their youth minister?

Wayyyy back in 2008 I wrote (here) about those within a youth ministry having a crush on their youth minister.

As far as I know. It never happened with me. No young lass ever had a crush on me.

But, as I mentioned back in 2008, it makes sense.

Someone older, wiser and cooler invests time in your life.

That’s appealing when you’re a teen.

So, if you’re a parent of a teen, should you secretly hope that your offspring gets a slight crush for their youth leader?

Now, I’m aware that a) the question itself is kinda creepy and b) there have been far too many instances when this interaction has been manipulated and turns into something inappropriate. No one ever wants the second half of that sentence to play out.

 it, with those disclaimers out of the way…

If the youth minister of your church/one of the primary youth ministry leaders is a good role model, why wouldn’t you want them to be the kind of person your youngster may wish to romantically ponder about?

If teen crushes are all about discovering the types of things which you’ll find attractive - especially if those things are positive characteristics instead of just being a dreamboat - wouldn’t someone with a considered, confident, strong faith be something which you’d want your teen to be drawn towards?

On a far more pragmatic scale, wouldn’t a tiny, healthy, crush be useful in order to help inspire your teen to spring out of bed and want to attend church on a Sunday morning (which can be a struggle for a teen if there’s not some hormonally-driven motivation).

Again, I’m not hoping that any of my children will end up with the bloke who’s currently leading them in a bible study, but that they may find the type of qualities he has attractive surely isn’t the worst thing in the world…

Shouldn’t we just be open about our bedroom intercession?

We pray they make time for each other…

We ask that they reconnect…

These types of prayers may be uttered when one spouse has been away from their partner for a prolonged period of time or if a couple his in the middle of a season of particular busyness in their workplaces.

And they are good prayers to make.

But, if we’re being honest, isn’t this sometimes just code for sex.

When they finally make time for each other…

When they reconnect…

They will, most likely, have sex.

And, within a marriage, there’s nothing wrong with that.

In fact, it’s perfectly healthy.

Expected even.

So, if you’re in a setting with a bunch of married couples, couldn’t we just say what we mean?

Of course, making time and reconnecting should involve a lot more than just sex. But… honestly, isn’t it a part of it?

Shouldn’t we openly pray for each others sex lives?

That they are satisfying.

That they are enjoyable.

That they are prioritised.

Now, this may look - practically - dramatically different once the bedroom door closes.

This has nothing at all to do with frequency.

Or kinks.

Or even orgasms.

But… if a bunch of married, mature, Christian’s are praying euphemisms anyway… isn’t it time we drop the facade?

Being alert to the next step in the last conversation

Developing a relationship takes time and effort.

Within an educational or pastoral setting, this relationship develops in snippets.

The main reason for this is that, while you may have many interactions with the youngster, they are fleeting and, at least in schools, in conflict with overriding curriculum pressures.

Nonetheless, you are able to develop a relationship with those in your care.

The simplest way to do this is to, obviously, share a conversation.

But, as I wrote above, time is in short supply.

Rarely will you have the chance to engage in a deep conversation.

But, just because the chronological conversation may be short, the interaction doesn’t need to be.

No matter if it is at a church youth group, on Sunday morning, in the classroom or in the playground, the ability to continue a conversation is vital in developing these important relationships.

At the core, the trick is to be mindful of the place you’re up to.

What was shared last?

Where may this lead?

How are you going to follow up from the last interaction?

What update are you going to pursue?

What event from the last week are you able to enquire about?

If you’re alert to the next step in the conversation, then you’ll be able to intentionally cultivate these relationships and show the teen that they personally matter to you.

The enjoyment in-balance of church

My wife and I just returned from a holiday to Europe. Being part German, she goes every year, I only head over every second year.

The itinerary usually breaks down to a mixture of cathedrals/churches/monasteries, Roman ruins, Medieval towns, picturesque German villages and the obligatory family visitations.

This year, while we were in Bonn, we ended up listening to a choir concert within one of the local Doms.

My wife, who sings choral, loved it.

I endured it.

In attendance because I knew that she would throughly enjoy it.

Unsurprisingly, she appreciated the concert on a whole different level than I did.

She recognised the songs.

She knew the composers (a few even personally).

She valued the quality of the singing in a far deeper way than I could.

The equivalent would be when my wife and I attend a sporting event.

I, having followed the sport - be it cricket or rugby league - will understand what’s happening far more than my spouse.

I will know the intricacies of the rules and the stories within the contest.

In short, I will appreciate the event on a similar level to my wife in a choir concert.

And yet, we both attend.

I wonder if this is a similar feeling within churches.

Some people are very engaged.

They are comfortable with the social cues.

They are deeply familiar with the context of the stories.

They are personally engaged with the message and, often, the messengers.

How does this dynamic play out when you’re in a relationship where one of your has been a believer, or at least a member of a particular church, for a long time which your partner is still fairly unfamiliar?

Is there a disconnect in the enjoyment of the experience?

Is there a greater reluctance to attend?

There are many good reasons for believers to avoid entering romantic relationships with unbelievers, but the inability to share church with that person is something which I feel is underplayed.

The "all things" of Sex

I'm currently wrapping up my planning on an adventure I'm about to undertake with my senior Studies of Religion Class: Sexual Ethics.

This term I'm about to embark on a six week teaching section on sexual ethics across three religions - Christianity, Islam & Buddhism.

This was always one of the biggest selling points for my subject.

No other subject, really, will go in depth and wrestle with the topics surrounding sexual ethics - consent, celibacy, contraception (but not abortion since it technically falls into the bio-ethics segment of the curriculum), fornication/pre-marital sex, marriage, polygamy, monogamy, adultery, divorce, purity culture, homosexuality, LGBTQIA+ affirmation, masturbation & pornography.

Across most religions, sex is a big deal.

Sex has a purpose.

Sex is significant.

Sex is a powerful driver of thoughts and deeds.

And, sex shouldn't be divided from religion.

In fact, sex can be sanctified.

Even an act of worship.

Some would even claim that sex is a spiritual discipline.

But, when it comes to the Christian outlook on sex, there is one oddity which doesn't get mentioned.

Sex is included in all things...

All things... which were made by God.

All things... which can be used by God.

All things... which can glorify God.

But, is it included in the "all things" which we include God in?

Is it included in the "all things" which we give up to God?

This is the meat of sexual ethics.

I suspect, if we genuinely held that sex is a part of the "all things" which should include Jesus, then the manner which we speak about sex would be transformed.

There would be less shame.

There would be more truthfulness.

Without crossing lines of impropriety, the way we speak about sex would be more open.

Why?

Because sex has a purpose.

Sex is significant.

Sex is relevant.

Sex is powerful.

Sex is religious.

In the modern world, sex can be sanctified.

The largest dating gamble in the church

The minister’s kid.

This is the largest dating gamble in the church.

Why?

Because, if it goes wrong… 

You’re highly likely to lose the church in the breakup.

If you do stick around then, potentially, you lose one of your primary spiritual supports (your minister) if the breakup is messy.

If it goes well…

Your relationship is under a larger microscope.

There will be expectations on your future together.

This is the risk of dating the pastoral offspring…

Could a church have a booty-call ministry?

Marriages need time to remain healthy.

Some of that time may result in… adult cuddles.

But, children will encroach on this time.

Obviously.

With this in mind, some churches are willing to provide babysitting so parents can periodically have a date night.

It’s a tremendous idea.

But, what if, instead of seeing a movie or going out for dinner, the parents used the time to… cuddle?

Spoken or unspoken, how would the church respond if this use of a “dating-window” emerged?

Should they be all for it?

Perhaps even encourage it?

Could it be an unofficial booty-call ministry?

I’ve never heard of this ministry actually occurring, but maybe that’s the point. 

You don’t ask. 

You just provide an opportunity…

The new battleground for remaining “above reproach”

Now the overseer is to be above reproach… 1 Timothy 3:2a.

This is the aim.

No suspicions.

No avenues for gossip.

No hints of impropriety.

When I was a youth group leader in the early 2000’s, and we were weighing up how 1 Timothy 3:2 may apply to those in leadership within our ministry with teens, there was a contentious battleground.

Cars parked in front of houses overnight.

Especially that of the person you are dating.

Why?

Because, if someone recognises the car of your significant other, and the vehicle in question remains stationary from dusk to dawn… what do you think the conclusion is going to be?

You had a sleepover.

And we all know what that leads to…

S. E. X.

Especially of the premarital variety.

Of course, this isn’t a guarantee.

You can share a bed and not have intercourse.

You could be sleeping in separate rooms.

You could have gone to another location and responsibly carpooled.

You could… just not be having sex. Anything else, but sex. Scrabble for example.

But, you will leave yourself open to the accusation or assumption.

Now, I believe there is a new battleground for remaining “above reproach.”

Social media.

The imprint you leave can open the door to suspicion.

You’re both on holidays together… posting your pictures online.

You’re both geolocated together in the early hours of the mourning.

You’re both tagged together all weekend, clearly too far away to be staying back in your own beds.

It’s then very easy to connect the dots.

It’s easy to raise eyebrows.

It’s easy to wonder… what’s exactly going on with the sleeping arrangements.

And… you leave yourself open to the accusation and assumption.

But I suspect that this doesn’t slip into the thinking of many young youth group leaders.

Just as it didn’t trigger curb side alarm bells two decades ago.

In a context where sex should be spoken about and integrity matters - youth group - maybe this new 1 Timothy 3:2 battleground should be weighed up and discussed far more openly.

You need to look at both sides of the marriage equation

You need to get a better husband.

This was my response to a young woman who stated that she had an issue with the concept of female submission within marriage.

Now, without going into the cultural or relational circumstances of the first or 21st century, my response had everything to do with the importance of perspective.

I highly suspect that the irking to the idea of submission within marriage was twofold.

First, it immediately - almost subconsciously - rubbed her modern feminism the wrong way.

Second, the “command” to “submit to your husband” seemed to be one of the only rules she had emblazoned upon her concerning marriage.

And here is where the significance of perspective kicks in. 

Anyone considering marriage, what it is to be married, or what kind of spouse they either want to be or have must have a balanced perspective.

You need to consider what the bible says about marriage as a whole and what the bible calls BOTH spouses to be and do.

If a young lady is only aware of what she considers are her responsibilities, then she may feel aggrieved that the ledger is one-sided. (The same could also be said for a young chap!)

The trouble is, it’s not.

The bible has just as many instructions concerning husbands.

Young Christian women should be aware of these instructions as well.

Why?

So they will have a good idea what to look out for in a potential spouse and so they will have a good idea of what kind of marriage the bible presents.

This goes far beyond mere submission.

It includes love. And honour. And sacrifice. For both spouses.

It clearly tells the husband that he must love and cherish his wife like Christ loves the church.

As I’ve pondered before, and I mentioned to this young lady, would she have a problem submitting to a guy who loves you and is doing his best to live out the biblical mandate of a good husband?

The message virgin converts need to hear

Those converting to Christianity in adulthood resemble bigfoot - heard about but rarely seen. 

But, the more I think about later converts - especially young adults - the more I’m convinced that the church must share a very counter cultural message.

If you are still a virgin, you are not a loser. You are lucky.

The reason the church needs to declare this message is because it is the exact opposite message they would have heard.

It’s not unusual, if you’re a virgin into your late teens or into your twenties, to heard, think and feel that you have missed out.

You are a loser.

You are unwanted.

No matter if these voices are from the media, from friends or from within, the longer you remain a virgin, the louder they can be. 

But, what if the church reversed this narrative?

What if, without prying into the sex lives of their congregants, the church spreads a positive message around virginity?

Now, to be clear, no one has the value or worth based upon who, if, or how many times someone has had sex.

For, by telling those in young adulthood that retaining their virginity was a good thing, may drastically transform a mindset that has plagued a person for the best part of a decade.

How long until your relationship becomes prayer-able?

Prayer points.

Christians are expected to share them.

Share them with their closest friends.

Share them with their small group.

Share them with their church.

So, last night, after my small group shared their prayer points, I asked a provocative question to the singles in the room.

Would you ask for prayer if you had a date on the weekend?

The room was fairly divided.

I understand, if it’s a date with a random, you may be hesitant to ask for prayer - particularly if you have a fairly active dating schedule. But, as someone pondered, shouldn’t that situation need prayer, if nothing else, for safety? That they aren’t a creepy weirdo?

Some expressed that they may ask for prayer once things are progressing. 

But, where is the prayer line? The fourth date? When you’re getting ready to “define the relationship”? When you first go public?

One thing that a few people said was dependent upon the other romance participant being known to the group. But, does that potentially make it more awkward? What if others don’t think you’ll make a good match? Does sharing your embryonic relationship enhance the pressure upon it?

Frankly, I don’t know the answer, but I’m sure glad that it isn’t my problem anymore...

Should you pair up dating leaders?

I’ve written before about the possibility, nay probability, that leaders in Christian ministry - if both single of course (?) - will be romantically interested in each other, date and, importantly for the following point, cultivate some church nervousness.

But, before I give my opinion, I want to make a few things clear.

Love is good.

Dating can be good. And throughly godly.

Young adults dating can be a powerful testimony, especially to those younger than them.

When teaching young people about dating, having leaders who are dating in a loving and godly way can be a true blessing.

But... I’d still try to avoid the dating leaders leading together.

Now, in some cases this won’t be possible or practical. If there are only three youth group leaders, you can’t and shouldn’t give one a timeout because they are now attached.

With this said, I would seek to create some space between the two leaders.

Why?

Because they could breakup at any time.

Relationships are messy.

And they can still be an influence upon those they minister to.

So, does the distancing need to be messy?

Frankly, no.

Ideally, you just sit your leaders down and tell them honestly that them ministering apart from the added pressure of their relationship will be advantageous. They don’t need to fret if they are cranky with each other.

Alternatively, you can just say that, while juggling all the other things which accompany pastorally caring for teens, having their focus also - unavoidably - being directed at their partner is a distraction which can be unhelpful.

After all, the leaders should be there to minister to the kids, not canoodle with their love.

The shift of sex advice

Every so often I’ll have a chat to a young guy about sex. Usually, it will be in the context of marriage and the expectations of the first night/week/month.

I wonder how these kinds of conversations have changed over the years.

I suspect, the tone of the conversations has shifted from education to myth-busting.

In the past - especially before the prevalence of movies, trashy magazines and porn - the experience of sex would be filtered with mystery. Now, the filter is not only torn down, but a false image of sex magnified.

And, this projected picture colours our view and expectations of sex.

Generations ago, facials were not considered as a regular sexual act. Now, if you’re entire sexual diet has been fed by porn, it’s commonplace. It happens every time. 

Every. Time.

This could make for an awkward wedding night.

Now, I would like to think that “good Christian men” would never know of such things or dare expect them on their honeymoon but the torrent of porn (especially being exposed in your early teens) necessitates the shift towards painting a more realistic picture of sex.

Our young men deserve it.

Our young women deserve it.

Their marriage deserves it.

What do you do if your minister doesn’t like you?

Some ministers are delightful.
Others can be a little jaded, even if only periodically.
Most, hopefully, are somewhere in the middle of not closer to the former.

But, no matter the disposition of your minister, what do you do if they don’t like you?

Seriously.

No matter if it’s due to a personality clash, theological differences or birthed from an event/misunderstanding in the past, no congregant has the absolute right to be adored by their minister.

And, having a minister who isn’t besotted by you isn’t a crime on their part.

While your minister shouldn’t be a jerk to you, instead caring for you as a member of the flock God has placed them over to shepherd, you don’t have to be their favourite person.

So what do you do then?

In part, if they are not your primary pastoral support, you may not need to do anything dramatic. Just be peaceable. Better yet, support the minister and serve the church just as you would otherwise.

Additionally, you could use this as a goad to evaluate yourself. Maybe your minister is seeing things which you are blind to. Maybe this minister will be a catalyst for you to change.

Alternatively, you could just seek to outlast the minister. Don’t leave the church. Don’t undermine him. Instead, cut them some slack and beware that this person, probably, won’t be your minister forever.

Of course, you could seek to gently try to change their perception about you. It may not work, but you could intentionally seek to sow encouragement and support into the life of your distant minister. With the passing of time closeness may develop.

No matter what happens, the most important thing to remember is that the ministers’ view of you doesn’t give or take from you any validation. As a Christian we find our identity, worth, value and validation from Jesus. 

Not from anyone else. Including any minister you may encounter.

How long until sex gets good?

Sex, at the start, can be awkward.

A while ago I saw a couple who’s wedding I attended approximately a year prior. Having been married for a significant period of time, I wondered if sex was great yet.

Sure, it depends upon a hundred details which I have no idea about, but my mind did wonder back to the honest sex conversation I had before I was married.

A mate told me that sex doesn’t get good for around three years.

Three! Years! 

Without giving you a glimpse into the bedroom with my current or ex wife, I wouldn’t completely agree.

But, it definitely doesn’t happen instantly. Or within a week. Or month. Or longer...

And, maths will back me up.

Let’s say, as a Christian, that you’re relatively new to sex.

Assuming that you had sex, say twice a week (I’ll use this number for the simplicity of maths), and you don’t have sex while she has her period (which is a genuine possibility, but a choice the couple can make due to a myriad of reasons), then you’ll have sex approximately six times a month before a break of around 5 days.

From what my wife was told by a friend, it takes around 8-10 times until sex stops being uncomfortable for the female. From our frequency above, which is increased due to the honeymoon, this would take up the first month of married bliss.

Furthermore, very few people, never mind the sexually inexperienced, jump headlong into a complex sexual repertoire. Thus, you’d probably begin with a few go-to positions.

With a window of a half-dozen opportunities per month, it may take a while to be comfortable to find, expand and be comfortable with your sexual range. Again, with the above frequency and dependant upon your sense of adventure and openness of communication, this may take another few months. Maybe more.

So, how long does it take until sex gets “good”?

That’s impossible to say, but I’d advise a perspective husband to expect somewhere around six months.

But, how does this explain the advice which I received?

I suspect, his answer had to do with the progressive definition of good.

Sex, can be “good” from day one. Hopefully, it would be.

But, sex after a month is a better form of “good.”

And better again after six months.

And again after a year.

When it comes go hitting your sexual sweet spot, where you are both completely comfortable having overcome any obstacles or awkwardness and identified both of your preferences and turn-offs, this can, conceivably, take years.

But that journey is one of the blessings of marriage.

Who’s prepared to give the REAL sex talk?

When I got married a few months ago I didn’t need a chat about the ins-and-outs of sex. It wasn’t my first wedding.

But, when I initially got married over a decade ago I did have a chat with a mate about the “hidden” details of sex.

What importance do we place upon realistic expectations for newlyweds?

In general, I suspect that the ladies handle this far better. 

I can imagine a woman being prepared to answer the questions a soon-to-be bride might have.

I don’t imagine this for many blokes.

I wonder...
Who will talk to the guy about contraception?
Who will chat to the guy about periods? 
What about sex during menstruation, or lack thereof?
Who will clear up his expectations, depending upon his consumption of porn?
Who will chat, if it’s applicable, about sex as virgins?
What about oral sex?
Orgasms?
Anal sex?
Lube?

No matter if the upcoming groom has hundreds of questions, a few clarifications or one simple enquiry, is there a Christian man willing and able to sit down and have an honest discussion?

Perhaps, we just expect the minister to do this, but I don’t think it’s a part of the usual wedding package.

Furthermore, if we just leave the impending groom to the “wisdom” of the internet, mens’ magazines and his non-believing mates, are we, as a church, doing him a massive disservice?

The awkward preaching of Naked Boy

For years, at my home church, there was a picture of an apparent nude teen going down a waterslide. Unfortunately, this was labelled Naked Boy.

I was Naked Boy.

Years later I worked at my home church; Naked Boy was their youth minister.

By that time, the picture had long since disappeared, so few people knew what Naked Boy was, never mind that it was me.

Nonetheless, some knew.

And I wonder if they remembered Naked Boy whenever I did something at church.

Naked Boy was leading an activity.
Naked Boy was giving a report to church council.
Naked Boy was saying a prayer.
Naked Boy was preaching about Jesus.

This is the danger of leading at your home church.

You have a history.
You have baggage.

While having a history of growing and developing within a place buys you valuable grace and an allowance to make mistakes, it is a double edged sword.

A similar thing exists then it comes to being a witness before you’re family or longtime friends.

You have a history.
You have baggage.

They know more of your dirty secrets.
They saw you as a tantrum-throwing child.
They remember the things you deeply regret.
They have heard the hurtful things you have said.

But, while this baggage can inhibit your witness to a degree, it can also work in your favour.

Those closest to you should be able to see your changed life better than anyone.
Those closest to you can see for themselves, in light of your baggage, that God can use those who are far from perfect.

This was the opportunity before Naked Boy at his home church.