I’m immensely glad that I’ve never had to do it.
Of the many reasons, I would hate to be on the meat-market that is dating apps.
Frankly, I’m not attractive enough.
On a good day, I’m a seven at best. Probably a six-and-a-half.
Maybe.
If the lighting is perfect.
But, the reason I shake my head at the Tinder interactions I overhear is that… it doesn’t work.
Not if you’re looking for something serious.
Not if you’re looking for something long-term.
Not if your primary concern is love or commitment.
Now, of course, there are success stories.
Although, I suspect, if you want something deeper than a fling, Tinder is the wrong place to look.
But, people on Tinder need to be honest about what they want.
Do they want something serious?
Do they want something long-term?
Do they want something … and this is the tricky question… which resembles the relationship/marriage that they admire the most?
If they do, dating apps isn’t the place they are likely to find it.
Why?
Because in any app where you swipe your way through a mass of potentials, only the foundation of the short-term are rewarded.
Attraction.
Attention.
This fuels hookups.
This feeds flings.
This gets swipes.
But they aren’t a foundation for serious relationships.
For, any relationship which you admire is based upon something different… they are based on character.
They are based on love.
They are based on service.
They are based on kindness.
They are based on forgiveness.
They are based on commitment.
They are based on respect.
They don’t revolve around attractiveness and attention.
But, this is what Tinder rewards.
And there’s a bunch of thing which Tinder fails to expose.
In fact, this is what short-term dating fails to reveal.
To get a genuine glimpse of someone’s character takes time.
You need to see how they treat the server.
You need to see how they respond while they wait in traffic.
You need to see how they handle adversity.
You need, frankly, the opportunity to see how they live life unfiltered.
Tinder doesn’t allow this.
Tinder certainly doesn’t reward this.
This, for a lot of people, means that they are searching in a place where they - in all likelihood - wont find what they’re looking for.
The great guy… doesn’t get past the filter of attractiveness and attention.
The quality lady… gets overlooked.
For, the reasons why they would make for a tremendous partner are unseen.
And yet… these are the very markers which punctuate the kind of relationships which people admire.
These are the things which permeate the relationships they aspire to have.
But, Tinder won’t show them to you.
So, if this is what you want, you need to fish somewhere else…
And probably start using better bait.
In my next post, I’ll give you dating advice I’d give someone wanting to find something meaningful.
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