The three statements my kids need to hear from me

The older my kids get the more my mind turns to the messages that they need to hear from me as their father.

In equal parts, these thoughts have been triggered by the subject selection discussions which have been occurring at my school the last few weeks, the one-on-one coaching sessions with a number of students about their plans in senior school and that my eldest on the verge of starting high school.

At the core, as my kids grow up, the most important things they’ll need to hear, as they enter teenage-hood and begin to identify who they are, what they’re good at and what they’ll stand for, are:

I love you…

You’re good at that…

I’m proud of you…

These three statements tie into these emerging identities.

The first, they need to hear because they are my children and I am their father. 

The second, they need to hear because they require affirmation of their strengths. And they need it often to help cancel out the opposite voices that come from within and from others.

The third, hopefully, they’ll deserve to hear because of the person they develop into into. Their character should make me proud.

How to navigate a tricky bible passage

2 Peter 3:16 - He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction.

The bible can be difficult to understand.

When referring to Paul’s letters, even Peter calls them hard to understand.

As I’m periodically working my way through books of the bible, I create a list of verses which are worth of a deeper look.

Currently, having just read the book of Ezekiel, I’ve got a list of 35 passages or verses which will get special focus as I now plough my way through a few commentaries on the book.

But, what should you do when you strike upon one of the more difficult verses from the scriptures?

How should you wrestle with a passage like 1 Timothy 2:15? (But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.)

Firstly, you treasure the words of 2 Peter 3 or Deuteronomy 29:29 - The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.

Some things about the bible, are hard. Or hidden.

Maybe we aren’t meant to know everything.

But, second, we should approach the Bible prayerfully. We should ask for illumination by the help of the Holy Spirit.

Third, we need to acknowledge that, while everything may not be shrouded in mystery, a neat answer may simply be beyond us. I’m prepared to admit that, at times, I won’t be able to work some things out. Maybe, I’m just too dense for some parts of the bible.

Fourth, thankfully, there are many people who are smarter and more learned than myself. They know the original languages. They know the historical and cultural context. They’ve sat under the wisest theological minds and biblical scholars. 

Even if I don’t know the answer to tricky biblical passages, others do. The answers are available.

So, fifth, we should search for the answers from respectable bible teachers. If there’s a general consensus - across denominational lines - then you’ve probably discovered your answer. Even if you don’t like it.

Sixth, if we don’t uncover a neat solution, then we may need to just accept that a simple answer isn’t forthcoming. 

We need to be prepared to admit this. 

We need to still wrestle with this.

We need to become comfortable in our unknowing.

For, seventh, not every bible verse holds salvation defining truths. 

Some passages aren’t as vital as others. 

And we don’t need to obsess over the periphery issues which emerge from them.

But, eighth, we can still strive to uncover the underlying larger principles which tricky bible passages teach about. 

And, ninth, we can seek for the ways which others believers, in the midst of their uncertainty, live with these difficult passages. For, our queries are not new nor unique. And, the difficult passages have existed alongside faithful believers for Millenia.

If you follow these steps, while the difficult passages won’t disappear, you’ll loose a lot less sleep over them.

The minister’s kid dilemma

I little while back I mentioned the pressure that minister spouses must face when it comes to their positioning during a church service.

But there’s a familial positioning which I’m glad I avoided.

My kids.

I never had to navigate the issue of my kids being in church with me.

Sure, my youngest was just a toddler while I was in ministry, but she was still a stumbling cutie. Her presence, even uninvited, was delightful.

She wasn’t a rebellious teen.

She wasn’t a stubborn tween.

And I wonder the pressure that ministers face when it comes to their children.

How do they weigh up the actions of their kids in light of 1 Timothy 3:12 - A deacon must be faithful to his wife and must manage his children and his household well.

When it comes to “managing their children” on a Sunday morning, how mindful is the minister of 1 Timothy 3:12?

Do they think that this verse will bounce around the minds of their congregation?

When rationalising with their kids about their proximity during the service or general behaviour, does this verse run through their mind?

Would they ever dare bring it up with their offspring?

There’s a lot of pressures when it comes to being in ministry.

I’m glad I avoided this one.

What direction do you take when the preacher mentions your expertise?

I’ve written quite a bit about those in ministry being experts.

In short, those in ministry shouldn’t be expected to be experts and should openly declare as such.

They aren’t engineers.

They aren’t doctors.

They aren’t historians.

But, they can glean truths from many different fields.

And, in their congregation, there will be experts in many topics.

So, what do you do when the preacher hits on your topic of expertise?

Do you lean in or do you sit back?

Does your focus increase or your skepticism increase?

This latter option is the danger when someone wades into your area of expertise.

You know more, so you’re more weary.

So, do you raise your antenna or lower your attention when the sermon hits a topic you’re knowledgeable about.

At worst, even if the preacher fumbles their way through your area of expertise, there’s an important reason to ensure that you’ve paid attention.

They were trying to connect in a way that you’re very familiar with.

And, at a minimum, you should be able to follow the way they ware attempting to reveal a spiritual truth.

Even if they took some missteps, your in a privileged position to understand what they were trying to do.

The ministry of understanding

Now that I’m a teacher, my faith only gets mentioned incidentally in my profession.

I’ll never hide that I worked for a church for over a decade, and this will periodically become relevant in the history and geography syllabus.

The importance of cathedrals in Medieval Europe.

The reasons for the Crusades.

The reasons that the Vikings raided the monasteries.

An overview of Buddhism and its significance for Ancient Japan and Ancient China.

But, I’m attempting to launch a new senior subject at my current school - Studies of Religion.

In part, the reason I’m able to teach this subject is my past.

I have an understanding of the nature of faith.

I’ve been trained by a religious institution.

I’ve been educated by a religious institution.

I’ve worked in the midst of a religious institution.

This blog will show you that I’ve been pondering the nature and outworking of faith since at least 2008.

But, I’ve been very careful in the way that I’ve been pitching my new subject to next year’s potential cohort.

For, Studies of Religion is not about conversion.

It is not about convincing.

It is about understanding.

Understanding a world full of religions and the religious.

No matter where you fall on the spectrum of faith - atheist, agnostic, deist, theist, monotheist, polytheist - my role is to help you understand.

Understand how faith is developed.

Understanding how faith shapes the way people view the world.

Understanding how faith shapes the way people view themselves.

Understanding how faith shapes the way people view others.

Understanding how faith shapes the way people make decisions.

Understanding how the majority of the world - the religious - think.

And, understanding how those of no-religion fit into a religious world.

This, hopefully, will be my role now.

And, if I truely believe that following Jesus makes sense, then faithfully and accurately outlining the elements of other faiths alongside Christianity, shouldn’t be a threat.

This can be my ministry now.

Being aware of your unseen example

Last week I was observing one of my classes complete an exam whilst sitting on a desk.

I know, I’m the height of professionalism.

As I watched the usual squirms of anguish, punctuated with flashes of inspiration, I noticed the position I was in.

It exactly resembled a teacher I had in high school.

She used to perch on the desk in the exact same way.

I wonder if I subconsciously learnt it from her.

I can assure you, it was not a lesson she intended to pass on.

I can only assume, when it comes to the young chaps sitting her class in the late 1900’s, she didn’t expect there to be any future teachers.

Thus, she wasn’t aware that she was laying a blueprint for someone whom would be at the front of a classroom nearly a quarter-century later.

Frankly, I fall into a similar mindset.

I don’t assume that those within my classroom are the teachers of tomorrow.

I certainly don’t assume that I’ll create a lasting impression even if they do go on to complete a Bachelor of Education.

But there’s a chance that it will be the case.

Just as I assume it was when I was a teen at church.

I don’t presume, as I went through puberty, that many figured that I’d work in youth ministry for over a decade.

But, as I did, I often reflected those whom were in leadership while I was growing up.

I lead like them. I spoke like them. I planned like them.

For better or for worse.

The real message is, when it comes to the way you conduct yourself, be it your quirks, mannerisms, the tone you set, the decisions you make, the process you take to reach those decisions or the way you communicate, all of these can potentially shape someone who will (even decades later) follow in your footsteps.

It’s our duty, therefore, to leave them a worthy example to follow.

Being the silhouette at the front

Last Sunday morning my wife was singing in church.

That’s nothing new, she does so every month or so.

Each time she will be singing, I’ll sit with her in church.

Which means that we will be in the spit seats.

Up front.

Usually the place traditionally reserved for the minister’s spouse.

And, this Sunday, I felt the pressure of a minister’s spouse.

For, I felt on display.

And, honestly, I didn’t feel like performing since I was a little ill.

I would have happily just sat throughout the service.

A chilled non-participate.

Is this the strain that all the minister’s wives I’ve served beside have felt?

Is this why they tend to “volunteer” to be busy during the Sunday service?

Confidence builders

My last post was about Confidence Killers within the church and the classroom.

So, how do you build credibility?

Posses knowledge beyond what’s in the textbook.

Maintain a discussion.

Sprinkle in random interesting details about your topic.

Know the youngsters names.

Give useful feedback.

Apologise when you need to.

This is how you generate confidence in a school or church.

In short, you show that you know what you are talking about.

You make it clear that your interest in the subject is not just superficial.

You show that you care, personally, for those in front of you.

This builds confidence.

Like I wrote about credibility killers, the expectation isn’t that you’re perfect. Nor is it that you’re a walking encyclopaedia.

But, the display of ingrained knowledge, presented in an engaging and personable manner generates confidence from those before you. It shows that you can be trusted in what you say and are safe for them to share what they think.

Confidence Killers

Spelling.

Pronunciation.

Pronouns.

Names.

These are the things which haunt me.

They haunted me as a youth minister.

They haunt me as a teacher.

Why?

Because, if you get them wrong, then they erode confidence.

When you misspell a word on the whiteboard…

When you have a typo in your handouts…

When you don’t know how to say a word…

When you misidentify the gender of a student…

When you don’t know a young person’s name…

These chip away at your credibility.

Of course, no one is perfect.

Teachers and ministers are not cyborgs.

But, if these credibility killers occur regularly, then the professional capital of you being “the expect” in the room diminishes and the secure foundation as someone who cares personally about the youngsters is shaken.

The experience/appreciation ratio

This afternoon I was watching one of my classes take an in-class history essay. Most of them didn’t look like they were enjoying the experience.

While I had nearly an hour to kill, observing the squirming year 9 faces, my mind wandered to my old high school teachers.

From what I remember, some were really good. Others were adequate. A few were woeful.

My judgement, even though I am now a teacher myself, hasn’t really changed from what I held a few decades ago.

The good teachers were still good. The toilers were still adequate. The woeful teachers were still rather garbage.

But, now, I can reflect back upon their assessment techniques and pedagogy.

Previously, my judgement was far more relational. 

As a student, it was far more about enthusiasm and passion.

In reality, a good teacher needs all of these qualities. The traits that the students will value - enthusiasm, passion, friendliness, fairness - and the qualities which a colleague will notice - good practice, effective admin, a productive learning environment, successful outcomes - must go hand-in-hand.

Nonetheless, it is with active teaching experience that I’m now able to appreciate my high school teachers.

The more I do, the better I appreciate what they did.

Or, frankly, what they didn’t do.

The same thing happened when I was a youth minister.

For, your depth of appreciation is aligned with your experience.

And, those you initially thought were good - remain quality - except now you have a far richer justification.

The marker of a successful school holidays

Over the last fortnight I’ve been on holidays.

Actually, that’s not true.

I’ve been released from face-to-face teaching. I’ve not been on holidays.

Like many other professions in Australia, teachers only actually get four weeks of holidays per year.

School holidays are designed for preparation and marking.

These school holidays, for me, have been no different. Prep and marking.

The school holiday period releases you to do what is required in the time you would otherwise be doing your regular duties.

The same was true over my years as a youth minister.

The holidays freed you up to do the duties you otherwise may not find time to do.

So, what is the best way to determine if your school holidays have been a success?

You create something new.

You use the time, now available to you, to make something that you’d otherwise not have the space to achieve.

For me, over a number of hours last week, I created a document which listed every source and resource for the upcoming ancient Vikings unit I’ll be teaching next term.

I’d have never got around to this without the school holidays.

Over the summer, I wouldn’t have made notes on every unit I teach from the textbooks without the six weeks of “holidays.”

This, for me, is the point of the holidays.

Create.

Prepare.

Document.

If I end the holidays with something which I’ll be able to look back on - making my future teaching more streamlined - then the holidays have been a success.

Those in ministry must occasionally be spared the ministry of distraction

By no means do I consider myself back in youth or children’s ministry.

Currently, I’m helping out the church my kids attend by volunteering every fortnight.

This includes giving a short address during the morning service.

It’s not a tremendous interruption nor strenuous undertaking.

But, I have noticed that I’m far more distracted at church.

Now I have jobs to do.

Now I have tasks for prepare for.

Now I have activities to set up.

Now I need to know my part in the service.

Now I need to be ready to “hit my cue” during the service.

Now I need to pack up after the service.

Now I need to make sure that everything is clean before I leave.

And, as a consequence… I’m more distracted.

Before the service…

During the service…

After the service…

Once a fortnight, I’ll be setting up instead of greeting others.

Once a fortnight, I no longer hear the sermon.

Once a fortnight, I can be glancing over notes during the prayers.

Once a fortnight, I’ll be packing away or farewelling kids instead of chatting with other parents.

Now, please don’t mishear me, it’s not a burden.

I volunteered.

I knew, intimately, what I was signing up for.

But I have been reminded of my years in ministry and a vital gift that churches should offer those in vocational ministry.

The gift of nothing.

No preaching.

And no service leading.

And no public prayer.

No offical duties at all.

Weeks where they do nothing.

Just attend.

Just be a member of the congregation.

Worship without distraction.

Sing without an eye on the order of service.

Pray without an awareness of the clock.

Listen to a sermon.

Be blessed by those within their church.

For some, this may be a difficult transition.

They will struggle to “switch off.”

Maybe there is a lesson in that… 

For some, they will be prodded to be more prepared, or - better yet - realise the calling to intentionally train up others to “take the reins.”

Hopefully there is a lesson within as well…

For some, they will remember what it’s like to attend in person on a Sunday.

There should be plenty of lessons gleaned from the other side of the pulpit…

Honestly, ministers will never become pastorally absent. 

They will still show concern. They will still check in. They can still minister to those present on a personal level.

But, these Sundays will allow ministers the freedom to… worship, pray and be taught/encouraged without distraction.

Surely, this is a gift most ministers will gladly accept and a lot of congregations will benefit from.

The blog killer 2.0

You, dear reader, know my name. It’s in the www of this blog.

You may also know things about my family from various blog posts.

You should know my previous profession - I worked as a youth minister for more than a dozen years.

But, I never stated directly where I worked.

I usually avoided even mentioning the suburbs my church was located in.

But, a short amount of googling would have quickly informed you.

Now, in my new job, I still don’t mention too many details.

Sure, I’ll mention that I’m a teacher, but never where I work.

Yet, with some determined internet sleuthing, you could fill in the gaps.

This puts me in a potentially awkward position.

For, technically, I either need to remain completely anonymous or do no more than share that I’m a non-description teacher.

Currently, that’s all I try and do.

Students still can’t find me.

Not really.

They’ve tried.

In my presence.

But, what happens if the truth emerges?

Frankly, I’m not sure.

I previously wrote that a minister of the church I worked for, with adequate justification, could kill or suspend my blog.

Now, I guess, a principal or overarching education code-of-conduct could do the same… 

Shouldn’t our message be that we’re not jerks?

Churches want to be welcoming.

They want to be known for it.

They will advertise it.

They will preach about it.

They will plaster it on their church signage.

It may be directed at families, youth, LBGTQIA+, migrants, refugees, the poor, single mothers… any minority really.

We will welcome them all.

Some, especially so.

But, I wonder if this should be an intentional aim.

Is it needed?

Shouldn’t following Jesus, by definition, mean that you’re welcoming?

Shouldn’t this be a result of being a community shaped by the Kingdom of God?

Shouldn’t this be a consequence of having the Holy Spirit working within you?

Really, doesn’t the advertising just need to indicate that you’re … Christians?

Shouldn’t the message your church needs to hear from the pulpit be… don’t be a jerk to others?

Holding on or getting better?

I used to work in a church where there was a vintage (read old) lady who would lead the singing. It was not good.

But she had done it for a long time.

And… I hated it.

And I’m not a musician by any sense of the word.

But I have ears… and she was not making a joyful noise which should be produced into a microphone for extended periods of time.

Of course, everything doesn’t need to be flawless within a church.

Heart, faithfulness and motivation trump talent within the Kingdom of God.

And my mid-sized church wasn’t producing a worship album nor live streaming its services.

Nonetheless, I wished that she would be directed elsewhere to “serve Jesus” on a Sunday.

And, eventually, she was.

Which got me thinking about those who distract from church due to their, for lack of a better term, “performance”.

It could be a rambling prayer.

Or a butchered bible reading.

Or a offbeat musician.

Or a tone-deaf singer.

Or a meandering preacher.

There is an important distinction.

Are they hanging on or are they getting better?

For, at the start, everyone sucks.

Everyone makes mistakes.

Everyone fumbles about as they learn.

This is expected and accepted.

And you can mitigate these weaknesses.

When someone was starting in the band at most churches I worked for, we would turn the sound down on their instrument. Sometimes, they may not even be plugged in.

You can give people shorter introductions to praying aloud or preaching.

But there are some who, after more than adequate time, training, encouragement, advice and rehearsal, don’t improve.

Year after year.

Decade after decade.

And they hang on.

Despite the desires of everyone else.

And, instead of being an expected weakness, they become a distraction.

In this case, it is time to try and phase them out.

The aim shouldn’t be to deny them of their ministry…

But the nature of their service can shift.

They can be rostered on less, or alongside others.

They can be placed in a mentor role, where they share their heart and experience, but not necessarily the stage.

They could be given a fond farewell, acknowledging what they have contributed, but deciding themselves when to step aside.

Inevitably, everyone needs to relieve themselves (and possibly the congregation) of their ministries. 

Age will slow us down.

Eyes will start to fail.

Voices will chance.

When this happens, holding on is no longer the wisest thing anymore.

Should there be a difference between a mission and a service?

Churches can do a lot of activities.

Some cater to those outside of the church.

Some cater for those already within the church community.

Healthy churches need both.

In some - even most - cases, ministry activities will combine meeting the needs of those outside and inside the church’s walls.

But, should a church ever just do an act of service?

Should the church ever just do an activity as a gift to the community around them.

No agendas.

No evangelism.

Just an act of service.

Sure, it can be argued that this “only an act of service” is near impossible.

Every interaction between people is a ministry. Conversations will be had. Actions will be seen. Motivations will be weighed.

But… can a church advertise an activity as only an action of service.

They only feed the homeless.

They only support kids who need help with homework.

They only provide a space for a group in need.

Nothing else.

And this is unapologetically seen as such.

Would this be well received by those within the church?

Could this be justified by those who earn a wage from the congregation?

In short, can the church be comfortable - in a small niche - only providing a service?

Does Mardi Gras impact the gay church’s Sunday like NYE?

Last month Sydney hosted Pride Month, punctuated with the annual Mardi Gras.

This is not a post about the festival. Nor homosexuality.

But, as the streets were being cleaned on the Sunday morning, I was reminded of New Years Eve.

A big party.

A celebration.

A late night.

Last year, NYE was on a Saturday and, consequently, quite a few churches modified their Sunday services.

Some cancelled them alltogether.

A lot of them binned their evening service.

Or, at least they toned down their service structure.

In the past, I’ve done all of the options above. Total closure. Limited services. Only hosting a “casual gathering”.

Why is this so?

Why do we cancel services on New Years Day?

Is it to grant minister’s a holiday?

Well, church can still go ahead without an ordained person…

Is it because attendance will be lower?

Well, church services have been ill-attended often without the door preemptively being slammed shut…

Is it because the church expects that their young adults will be - at best - sleepy from a late night or - at worst - nursing a hangover?

Surely. Not. 

This should never be something we expect and definitely not condone, be it in a spoken or unspoken manner.

On the back of Mardi Gras, did churches with predominantly gay congregations change their plans for the following day?

Did they cancel or tweak?

Frankly, I don’t know.

I’m not particularly exposed to gay congregations, especially now that I no longer  work for an affirming denomination.

But, I suspect, those who minister to the gay community ramped UP their ministry, not turned things down.

I suspect, they saw it was an opportunity.

So, should the wider church - the next time NYE falls on a Saturday - seek for ways to use this as a ministry opportunity, not an excuse to slink back further into the shadows?

Being… that guy… from the past

A few weeks ago I had dinner with a guy who, unbeknown to me at the time, had a loose link to my home church.

Furthermore, a family member of his was directly connected to my first active ministry.

Both of these interactions happened decades ago.

But the conversation started with the question… Do you remember (insert name here)?

I guess that I’m a vague memory for quite a few people and I can only imagine being a part of similar conversations.

Across four churches…

Over hundreds of Sundays…

Dozens of scripture classes…

A decade of kid’s clubs…

Over 15 years of youth groups…

I’d be… that guy.

A distant memory.

A figment who has no name.

A recall that they haven’t delved into since childhood.

A whitewashed memory from half their lifetime ago.

But, nonetheless, I’d still be somewhere in the rabbit-warren of their memories, alongside old teachers and scout leaders.

For hundreds of people. Maybe thousands.

I think this is a legacy that isn’t stressed enough for those whom serve in youth ministry.

You will leave an imprint.

Even if your name gets forgotten…

And every point you ever taught has evaporated…

You’re trapped in their past.

So… How do you want to be remembered?

What impression of Jesus, Christianity and the church do you want to leave?

Because, for many, being… that guy… is the faith imprint that they will be able to turn back to.

The humility that must come with wrinkles

Given enough time, as a Christian, you’ll read a lot of bible.

And attend a lot of bible studies.

And listen to many, many, sermons.

I’ve been attending churches for almost three decades.

I’m already a little bit jaded and bitter about some segments of the bible.

It’s not that they aren’t valuable to individuals or congregations…

Or that they don’t contain the life-changing gospel. 

But, I don’t want to hear or study the book of James… for a long time.

Nor study spiritual gifts.

I’m… just a bit over them.

I can’t imagine how it will be in another three decades.

Another sermon series on the Sermon on the Mount? Ugh.

Hope. Joy. Love. Peace. Another Lent series…

The longer I’m in the church, the more I realise the humility that those within the pews require.

The humility to listen… again.

The humility to follow… again.

The humility to serve… again.

The older members, for the benefit of the wider congregation - particularly the younger members - often put their preferences aside in humility.

Even if it means listening to another sermon on Taming the Tongue…

What would the local church look like without the nearby mega-church?

Often what I teach still turns my mind towards ministry and the church. 

Alongside history, I also teach geography.

When thinking about migration and the talent drain this has on lesser developed nations, my mind turned to mega-churches.

Across the globe, including Australia, more developed countries have access to the brightest and most promising refugees and migrants. Being a skilled immigrant will open doors across boarders.

But, in doing so, it weakens the home nation.

They lose doctors. 

They lose engineers.

They lose scientists.

A similar thing happens with the local church and it’s mega-church neighbour.

Far too often, drawn in by the attraction of resources, personalities and numbers, the best and brightest within congregations will migrate to a nearby mega-church.

The small church loses musicians.

The small church loses young adults.

The small church loses emerging leaders.

And the large church hoovers up the winnings.

This weakens the local church.

So, my question is… Would the local church be healthier without the mega-church?

What would the local church look like without the talent and skill drain of the regional ecclesiastical metropolis?