Is shacking-up the next step you should encourage for your young adults?

I grew up in and worked for the church in Australia with the oldest average demographic.

It wasn’t uncommon that I was the eldest of “the youth”, with the next oldest above me at least a decade older. Sometimes significantly more.

But, I was in churches where young adults grew to become members of the church - thus my 100+ posts on the topic.

Usually, the young adults I’ve w irked with have had three destinations. Get married. Move away, usually fuelled by financial pressures or job opportunities. Leave their home church in order to connect with more people of their own age, particularly if they have no romantic prospects at their current church. Or, unfortunately, fall away.

But, for those who stick around, what should a church recommend that they do post-young adult?

Should a church hope that those who are unwed move in together?

Frankly, I think, this is a wiser option than living alone.

Financially, it makes sense. Especially living in one of the most expensive cities in the world, as I do.

Spiritually, I’d hope that living with other believers is a beneficial decision.

But, can a church nudge their unattached young adults of the same gender together? Should they?

Unless the process happens organically, I suspect the whole process could get very messy.

The last thing that you want is for your church to become unsettled because of cliques which form or stresses from home bleeding into church.

But, if your young adults are looking fir a good way to step away from the nest, doing it with fellow believers is definitely something that the church should encourage.

Should you pray for the Holy Spirit to transform a disruptive student?

I’m currently working at a really good school. The staff great. My faculty is incredible. The students, in the main, are good to teach.

But, it is not a school connected with a faith system.

And I’m perfectly okay with that.

I wonder about my colleagues who work in Christian schools, especially when it comes to… unruly students.

While I have no doubt that they use many - if not all - the same disciplinary procedures that my current school instigates, what role does faith play?

Does the school expect better behaviour due to its spiritual context?

Do they expect better behaviour if a student has expressed a faith?

For a student who has expressed a faith, can you bring this up with a disruptive student?

What role does prayer and the Holy Spirit play in the behaviour in the classroom?

Do teachers pray for troublesome students? 

Is this an occurrence which happens before difficult classes?

Could you ask for prayer from your colleagues or head teacher?

Do you pray for the Holy Spirit to work in the live of “that” kid?

A fortnight of the alone lifestyle

Currently, my wife is in Europe until the end of the month. Aside from next weekend when I’ll have my girls, I’m living alone. 

Just me and the cat.

For the first time ever I’m living without another human.

In 40+ years.

My living arrangements of the past four decades have gone… living at home with my parents, to living with my first wife, back with my mum and now living with my current wife.

The next fortnight will be, in my memory, the longest that I’ll be living solo.

And, I’m aware that it comes with dangers.

If I sleep in, then no one will wake me.

If I choose to eat corn chips for dinner, no one can stop me.

If I decide to binge Netflix until the wee hours of the morning, there will be no dissenting voices.

I can watch porn.

I can stay in bed all weekend.

I can postpone the washing.

I can do… almost anything.

And no one will stop me.

At the moment, it’s just me. 

And the cat. 

And my conscience.

And the Holy Spirit.

And, this is the danger of living alone.

And why I caution Christian guys against it.

For, anonymity… boredom… and opportunity are the fertiliser of bad ideas.

Indeed, it is not good for a man to be alone.

And, for the next fortnight I’ll be on my lonesome.

Could we still be accused of incest and cannibalism?

In early Christianity there were two prevailing stories.

#1. Love feasts with their brothers and sisters whom share the body and blood.

#2. Incest and cannibalism.

Both could, potentially, be descriptions of the same thing.

Of course, the first description is of early church services involving the sharing of communion.

The second is how it looked, was twisted, or was slandered, by those outside the church.

I wonder, could a similar accusation be levelled today?

Could the practices of a mainline church be so confusing?

Could it be open to such a misinterpretation?

I want to say no. What we do isn’t that weird.

But it is.

I’ve been in the middle of church services and been utterly confused.

I’ve done some very strange things in youth groups and kids clubs and camps.

But could I be accused of incest? 

Cannibalism?

I suspect not.

But it does show that, to those on the outside looking in, they’ve been confused by the rituals Christians do since day one.

The balance has shifted but will never tip all the way

I just added a new topic tab to the side panel of the blog - Teaching.

This shouldn’t be a shock. Being a new teacher, I’ve been progressively writing more about teaching.

With this, primarily, being a blog about me and what’s going on in my life, teaching a gaining a large foothold.

Conversely, vocational youth ministry has taken a back-seat.

I used to do one.

I now do the other.

But, I imagine the former will never overtake the later in the totality of my blog.

Why?

Because I’ll always be writing, in the periphery, about youth ministry.

I still work with teenagers.

My daughters will soon be teenagers.

I’ll still recall lessons I learnt while in youth ministry.

If nothing else, as a topic, youth ministry has a lead of almost 400 posts.

But, teaching do it’s best to catch up.

We aren’t meant to walk on crutches 24/7

 We all use crutches.

Teachers use crutches. Especially at the end of the term or when they are getting snowed under by marking or report writing.

Videos. Worksheets. Textbook work. Recycled lessons. Online learning content.

Those in ministry also use crutches, especially in the crazier times of the liturgical calendar like Easter.

YouTube clips. sermon recordings. Lesson outlines. Packaged curriculum. 

We all need crutches.

They help us when we are burdened or have a limp.

But, we aren’t meant to live on them permanently.

Crutches must be tossed aside, stored away for times of need once we are in a time and space of health.

This is their purpose.

Any other use is a sign that you need to reevaluate how you’re doing things or take a season away and refresh.

The reason people leave that we MUST speak about

Youth ministry drop out points. Again.

I keep returning to this topic because, first of all, it keeps entering my mind. I think about it a lot.

Second, the issue matters. Those who are connected to the church - never mind in vocational ministry - must care about those within the church. This, inevitably, will involve those who transition out of the church.

Third, I genuinely believe that this is a topic that demands to be spoken about. It matters. And enough people don’t think about it or speak about it.

So…here we are again.

But, I also keep returning to this topic because I keep discovering ways that I’ve undersold it. For, it is much bigger, deeper and more complex topic which a series of ages, life stages, or relational steps won’t cover.

And this drop out point is dark.

It is painful.

It is devastating.

Abuse.

Physical.

Sexual.

Spiritual.

This is a drop out point that is self-inflicted by the church.

And, it is one that can result in the door of the church being permanently closed.

But, it exists.

Shamefully.

And, it must be spoken about.

To do otherwise would be to continue a history of silence, wilful ignorance and cover-up.

So… while it hurts to say, abuse must be a factor adding to those leaking out the back door of the church.

The victims.

Their family.

Their friends.

Why Lamentations?

I usually don’t post things I write in Tiny Bible Bits. It’s not because they aren’t insightful, but because the idea of regularly sharing something in two places online seemed a tad self-indulgent.

But my latest post was really good. It was about the value of the book of Lamentations.

Enjoy…

Lamentations 1:12 - 12 “Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by? Look around and see. Is any suffering like my suffering that was inflicted on me, that the Lord brought on me in the day of his fierce anger?”

No one reads the book of Lamentations. 

Why would you? It’s so very depressing.

Furthermore, why does such a woeful book belong in the bible?

The book of Lamentations is valuable for a number of reasons.

First, it provides us with a vocabulary of suffering.

This is important, secondly, because life - this side of heaven - involves suffering. We, to varying degrees, will feel the same as the author of Lamentations to the suffering around us.

Third, Lamentations gives a voice to the suffering of those who lived through Jerusalem’s destruction. Their suffering, especially as a consequence of continual covenant failure, deserves to be heard. These five chapters are their memorial.

Fourth, it must serve as a warning for us who read the account of the acrostic Lament poems. Rebellion against God, even with Him patience, has consequences.

Finally, Lamentations serves as a comfort to those who suffer. Through the words of the poet the present-day sufferers tears are validated. 

We can believe that the life of faith will always be comfortable and without tragedy. We can fall into the trap that Jesus is like a cosmic lucky charm. Lamentations consoles those who are intimately aware that this is not the case.

They can cry out with Lamentations to the God who, in time, hears and sees our suffering.

The book of Lamentations, while not comfortable, is a book that deserves our time amd attention. Because the life of faith, walked with Jesus, can still reflect the words of Lamentations. 

And, when we read, empathise and learn from Lamentations we do so beside the God who is Himself familiar with suffering and reaches out to those who need comfort.

The best piece of teaching advice I’ve received

Teaching in schools is different to youth ministry.

The later is powered by the Spirit of God and relationships. 

As you minister to others you grow closer to them, and as you add relational collateral, your ministry becomes more impactful. In many places, building relationships will be an element of your job description.

The former is primarily about content. 

You teach what you need to. While it is a benefit, being liked is not a part of your job description. Teaching the syllabus is in your job outline. Being liked is a bonus.

Frankly, most teachers are friendly enough and passionate enough to become liked the longer they teach a student.

But, it isn’t required.

This ties into the best piece of teaching advice I’ve ever been given.

Now, in context, this guy is an excellent teacher who is generally liked by all - staff and students.

His advice to me was this… 

“Remember, they are only 15. Don’t worry about what they think.”

His point was simple.

You should never, ever, let your worth or value be impacted by the opinions of your students.

Why?

Because they are only 15.

Whom you teach for just a few hours per week.

Whether they like you or not should have little bearing on the way you wake up. Or prepare lessons. Or deliver lessons. Or drive home. Or get to sleep.

They are only teens.

Instead, focus in doing your job well.

If you do that. And aren’t a dick. Most students will like you anyway.

And the ones who don’t… you only teach them a few hours a week.

And it may have absolutely nothing to do with you anyway…

We must hold our plans loosely

Work at a my home church 20 hours per week. Then 25. Then 30.

Work at a larger church.

Work at a church with a larger youth ministry.

Work at a church full-time.

Work at building a strong youth ministry for a decade.

Work at another church full-time.

Build a strong youth ministry, particularly working with the young adults.

Work at another church…

This was the plan.

It didn’t work out that way.

Now the plan is…

Work at a school full-time, gaining familiarity with the way schools operate.

Gain teaching proficiency.

Take more senior classes.

Become accredited in teaching Religious Studies/Studies of Religion.

Get my new subject taught in my school, teaching it for a few years.

Become a highly accomplished teacher.

Potentially, this will take the best part of a decade.

But, plans can change.

The last decade has made that abundantly clear.

As life goes on, and our plans change, we learn that we need to hold our plans loosely. 

Over time, we learn the truth of Proverbs 19:21 -

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
    but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

What you preach on in your ministry diapers will shape your future

Over their career, ministers deliver thousands of sermons.

Having only worked as a youth minister for over a decade, thus not preaching weekly, I gave around 200 sermons.

But, not every sermon is equal.

Your first sermons are special.

You are extra nervous.

You are extra prepared.

You invite guests.

But, most importantly, your first handful of sermons will be further spaced out.

This is why you can be more prepared.

This is why you can sit with the passage longer.

This is why you can ruminate on your points.

This is why the message can soak deeper into the one giving the sermon.

For, as time goes on and you gain both trust, experience and responsibility, the sermon treadmill will restrict this depth of impact.

When you preach weekly, the time a sermon has to soak in will get squeezed out.

There will be another sermon the following Sunday. And then another. And another.

With this timetable, your first - intermittent - season of sermons will leave a greater impact.

So, I wonder, how many ministries have been shaped by these embryonic homilies?

How many decades of serving have been shaped by the point they were able to sit with for a few weeks?

How many ministers have been moulded by the sermon on evangelism, or social justice or deliverance because that - by coincidence - was what they spoke on and stewed over as a young minister?

I suspect, many of the things an experienced minister is passionate about have a direct connection to something they said in their early wadings into the pulpit.

What you gain when you don’t have to fake it anymore

Your first year in most jobs can be summed up with the famous quip: Fake it until you make it.

This is true in the school. It is also true within the church.

A few weeks ago I did my first PDP (professional development plan) at school.

One of the aims I had, understandably, was to increase my familiarity with the systems and structures of the school I’m currently working in.

Frankly, as would be expected in my first year of teaching, I don’t know a lot.

I started out as a near clean slate.

But, now, I’ve taught somewhere in the vicinity of 350 lessons.

I’ve filled out my first few grades of student reports.

I’ve navigated the first semester of exams and marking.

I can now, fairly confidently, navigate timetables, class covers and incident reports.

Just today I was sharing the secret I’ve gleaned about negotiating parent-teacher interviews.

In a relatively short time I’ve leant a lot.

But! there’s still A LOT of things I don’t know.

How sport works. 

How to organise excursions.

A hundred things I don’t even know exist yet…

But, over the last few months my staff room has had a half dozen practicum students.

And they’re surprised that I’m still a newbie.

For, on the outside, I appear throughly competent. 

And, in most jobs, this isn’t unusual.

You appear like you know what you’re doing.

Why?

Because you can do the basics.

You can execute everything expected. Most of the time.

But, you can’t yet do the unexpected.

You can’t navigate the incidentals.

You can’t pull off the tasks that only pop up occasionally. Or a few times per year.

You can’t navigate around the spaces that only come through experience and, occasionally, failure.

But, achieving that basic level of competency is something which should be celebrated. It is only after this point that you can then grow because you’re no longer expending all your energy in keeping your head above water.

It’s true in the school. True in the church. True in most occupations.

Being comfortable with uncertainty

We want answers. All of us.

Especially teens and young adults.

As they piece life and faith together, working out what they will stand for, it is inevitable that they will hit an intellectual wall.

Things won’t line up.

Previous pithy answers won’t satisfy anymore.

People they respect won’t agree with each other.

When this occurs, what happens next?

In short, they continue to search for answers. As they should.

They wrestle. They argue. They dig in. They Google.

But, for some things, the answer is not like cracking a difficult quadratic equation.

The solution will not be discovered by searching harder or learning more.

Instead, the “answer” is comfort in uncertainty.

With maturity comes a peace of not knowing.

Now, this is not a stick-your-head-in-the-sand ignorance, but it is a humble realisation.

You don’t know it all.

You don’t now.

You never will.

But, you can have peace and security in the middle of this uncertainty.

Why?

Because of what you can know.

You can grow in the knowledge and depth of the goodness, justice, mercy, grace, forgiveness and love of God.

This intimacy with the character of God will help you live with uncertainty.

For, what you don’t know, God knows.

What you don’t understand, God fully understands.

What confuses or frustrates you doesn’t worry God.

With this truth cemented in your mind, living in the midst of uncertainty isn’t as scary.

What makes the dancing stop?

 Last weekend the church I attended sang a song from at least a decade ago.

It was… underwhelming.

Now, there was nothing wrong with the song.

The music was performed more than adequately.

The singing was to the usual high standard.

But, compared to then energy the song used to generate, it was now just… meh.

A similar problem arises, I imagine, for a song like One Way, Jesus.

By now, the clapping is less energised.

The dancing is more subdued, maybe even ceased.

But, this transitioning of the way songs are sung gets me thinking about music from today and a generation (or more) ago.

Do we consider that, in time, the buzz around the most energised worship sin will eventually subside?

Equally, are we mindful that the dullest song from the hymn book - potentially - held a similar energetic vibe when it was sung for the first few times?

really, it all boils down to this…  after being played for over a decade, has a song lost the energy it had or is it just that those who grew up singing the tune lost their vibrancy?

Did the World Wars kick off the gender gap within the pews?

Over the last five weeks I’ve been teaching my year 9 history class about World War 1. As we conclude the unit we’ve been looking at the lasting consequences of the conflict and the impact upon those who returned and the fallout from the vacancies caused by those who never returned home.

Needless to say, the war was devastating.

World War 2 more so.

I wonder, in light of the detestation that was inflicted on a generation of men, how did this impact the church?

For, every church (which is old enough) has a plaque to two commemorating the names of the fallen from their congregation.

Is this, in reality, the pinpoint that the gender gap emerged within the church?

For, if a third of all me fell in combat, what legacy did this leave for the demographics within the pews?

Once children didn’t see as many males at church on a Sunday, at least across a generation or two, did this actually set in motion the trend for women to dominate the numbers within the church?

Does youth ministry feed the the gender imbalance or just prepare you for it?

I first entered a church youth group when I was 12.

Over the next six years the group changed a lot over the high school years.

It grew. It shrank.

By the end, I was the only guy left in a group of around eight.

Now, my home church did youth ministry in a slightly unique manner.

For us, each year group would meet separately on a different afternoon after school.

But, the dynamics of my group were not uncommon.

The majority of the groups were female heavy.

Generally, this was also reflected in the youth groups I led, especially over the senior high years. More girls. Less boys.

The gender statistics in the average church will be around 60:40 (women:men). So, for those who emerge from youth ministry, these female loaded demographics won’t be unfamiliar.

But, I wonder, does the male:female breakdown reflect the wider church OR is this where the gender imbalance germinates?

After a few generations of youth ministry, has the gender ratio of churches been cemented within youth ministries?

Or, does youth ministry just coincidental prepare those within it for the church dynamics which lay ahead?

What do you do with a bible you are throwing out?

Last week there was a “controversy” in a small corner of the internet.

Someone, rather innocently, dared to ask what you should with a bible you are going to throw away.

With the internet being the place of gentleness that it is, keyboards quickly armed themselves with digital flamethrowers.

Some said that you could simply dispose of a bible, like you would any book. Recycle it thoughtfully. 

These people were declared heretics.

Others said that you should do everything to preserve the pages of scripture.

These people were declared heretics.

A few dared to share that you could use the bible creatively and utilise the pages in a mural or artwork.

These people were declared heretics.

Personally, I have thrown away bibles in a range of contexts. 

When I’ve moved, and downsized my library, some bibles haven’t survived the transition.

I’ve worked at churches where, due to overuse, age or teenage enthusiasm, bibles needed to be replaced.

After a few decades of being a Christian I’ve had a few bibles which have been retired.

I don’t think it’s that big an issue.

Put simply, don’t treat the bible disrespectfully. But, at the same time, recognise that it is just a book made up on ink and paper.

The bible, in itself, holds no special power. It may be sentimental, but the bible isn’t the equivalent of an Infinity Stone.

The message within hold the power.

Frankly, my phone holds these words. In fact, my phone contains far more bibles than any bookshelf or most churches. And, I’ll dispose of an old phone without a second thought to my “precious” bible app.

Ideally, if a bible is in good condition, you can hopefully find a way to ensure your old bible can be placed in the hands of another. You donate it. You give it away.

Ultimately, you don’t burn the old bible or kick it down the street, but I’m not offended in the least by someone placing their old bible in the recycling bin.

Why you shouldn’t ride solo

Last week I went to a training day for early teachers.

And it was… boring.

Despite the decent content.

Despite the engaging presenters.

Despite the nice people hosting.

Despite the lovely location.

It. Was. Boring.

Why?

Because I was there alone.

I travelled in alone.

I sat alone.

I ate lunch alone.

I left alone.

But, this wasn’t the worst thing. As an introvert, being without constant company is something I can contently live with.

The worst thing about being alone was what I missed out on. 

There was no one to constructively chat with.

No one to contextualise what you heard.

No one to bounce ideas off.

No one to hear their perspective.

No one to point out the odd things you notice.

And, this absence cheapens the experience.

For, others widen your experience.

It doesn’t matter if it is an educational training event, the University tutorial or a church service. Others enhance your enjoyment and engagement.

Truely, it was not good for this man to be alone… and riding solo is something I’d seek to avoid in the future.

Being on the other side of scripture teaching

When I was a youth minister I taught a lot of scripture in local school. A lot.

At the school I currently teach at the scripture timetable was just released for the term ahead.

Frankly, it’s annoying. It’s inconvenient. It’s a little unpopular.

And, I’ve been on the verge of complaining about the effect it will have on my classes.

But, that would make me a massive hypocrite.

Why? 

Because, when I was the scripture teacher, I expected that the school would accomodate scripture. 

Now, I can’t whinge that I’m the one who needs to step aside.

And, if I think that scripture served/serves an important purpose, then I need to be prepared to allow that to cost me a timetabled lesson.

Even if it means that I need to bite my tongue in the staff room and be prepared  wear the heat for an interrupted timetable.

The turning up when nothing is on is a step of commitment

Events draw people in. 

They provide the perfect reason to invite a newbie.

It is true for church and youth group.

We love an evangelistic excuse.

Unfortunately, “it’s Sunday” isn’t a particular significant occasion.

They’re ordinary.

Having a new person turn up on a spectacular occasion is excellent. Anyone darkening the church door for the first time is great.

Having them turn up again is even better. 

But, having them turn up when nothing significant is on is game-changing. For, now, the new person is attending because of something deeper than the special event. This is an important leap of commitment.