The mindset to help you handle rejection

I'm currently open to alternate job offers.

As such, I've had a few job interviews of the last few weeks.

And... so far... Missed out.

Multiple times.

Admittedly, for some of the jobs I was overreaching.

Others, I was a - predictably - ill-fit.

On one occasion, missing out on the role was a disappointment.

Nonetheless, I've still got a few options in front of me and - if nothing changes between this year and next - then I'll be perfectly happy to stay exactly where I am.

But, I've been in this place before.

I've applied for jobs, mindful that I'm not the only candidate nor the only one being interviewed.

I've applied for jobs, mindful that I could be usurped by a superior applicant.

I've applied for jobs, mindful that I might not get the position.

Over the last twenty years, I've applied for around a dozen jobs - for churches or schools - and it's resulted in either no interview or missing out on the vacancy.

So, how do I handle the rejection?

Well, at times, I need to remember that I have got the job.

I have been successful. 

Over other candidates.

Over others I've known personally. 

And, as a result, I've been grateful. 

Some would call it blessed.

So, why would I think that others aren't entitled to the same thing?

Every job I've every applied for has had a successful applicant.

Sometimes it has been me.

More often, it has been someone else.

And, other people - just as I do - deserve good things.

They deserve jobs.

They deserve to be recognised.

They deserve to be blessed.

And, as a result, I'll miss out.

That's ok.

They deserve good things too...

Declaring it a safe place doesn’t make it so

“This is a safe space” doesn’t make it a safe space.

But, we’ve all heard this phrase shared at the start of a presentation or sharing time.

The trouble is, this statement alone doesn’t make it so.

A place is only made safe to share openly and judgement free if there are communal understandings already in place and agreed upon by all.

This creates a space of safety.

Unless you’ve done the work prior, you can’t just declare a space as safe.

You need to put the work in first…

Monachopsis: The modern church problem

I’ll admit, monachopsis isn’t a usual word.

Frankly, I’ve never used it before.

I only stumbled over it during the week.

But, I’ve sure felt it.

I assume that many others have felt it too.

Especially in the church.

I dare say that it’s a modern epidemic.

So, what does monachopsis mean?

The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.

A feeling you don’t belong.

A nagging that you’re an imposter.

A niggling inclination that you’re a fake.

Does this sound like church for you?

Have you ever looked around the thought that everyone has it all together, except you?

That everyone has a place, except you?

That everyone belongs, but you’re on the outside?

If churches became more familiar with the term monachopsis, then they may intentionally seek to address it.

Often, churches will have a team of welcomers.

Someone to greet newcomers.

But, there maybe a far greater need for the church to deal with monachopsis for those who appear to be “inside”, when in fact, they are physically, emotionally or spiritually isolated.

Incorporating the unexpected

My home church, for a matter of months, had a possum periodically enter the sanctuary and waltz across a support-beam.

From memory, it was first discovered when the marsupial was pointed out mid-sermon by the preacher. 

Needless to say, the critter was unexpected.

Last week at church, so I was later informed (we didn’t attend because we were away), there was a fire evacuation mid-sermon.

Again, this was unexpected.

Given enough time in church, you’ll encounter any number of church interruptions.

Maybe someone collapses.

Perhaps someone turns up drunk.

(I’ve been in both situations above)

But, a quality of a good church will be the way they respond to the interruption.

Do they respond well in the moment?

Do they respond well in the follow up?

Are they capable to, reasonably, fold the incident into something going forward?

While I would hope that most churches have contingency plans in place for the regular or predictable interruptions, it’s the ability for a church to utilise the unexpected which makes for a powerful connection with the gospel.

What number would put you in the top half?

Of course, there’s no real way to work out the answer to the following conundrum…

What would put you in the top half of growing churches?

What metric would be used to work out the answer?

Conversions?

Baptisms?

Attendance?

I can think of problems with all of these measurements.

Conversions, since they are a genuine movement of the heart, can be unseen or unattested too.

Baptisms are skewed towards congregations with a large number of families, and will naturally advantage denominations who baptise babies.

Attendance, while able to be accurately tracked, may not reflect the genuine belief within the pews on any given Sunday.

Finally, when it comes to the growth of the church, there’s a tremendous advantage for those outside of the West and the number you initially start with.

What would be the outcome if we only measured across Australia?

How about just Sydney?

Frankly, there would be a lot of churches who would barely register a blip on the church growth radar.

Faithful, but stagnant churches.

Jesus loving, but shrinking congregations.

So, where would you rank if you grew by just one believer?

How about three?

Five?

Ten?

I have been attached to a number of churches which would be eclipsed in growth if you expanded by double-digits.

Again, there’s no accurate way to determine the solution to this, but I suspect the number required to be in the top half of church growth would be depressingly small…

Opening the window for the 5-Minute Expert

No matter what vocation you work in, there will always be people who are experts in a certain segment of the job.

Maybe they’ve been doing it for a long time.

Maybe they’ve figured out an innovative way to do the tasks that are required.

Maybe they’ve stumbled upon a way which connects with your clientele.

No matter, most people in your workplace will have an expert niche.

A good leader looks for opportunities for that expertise to be shared.

That is why it’s important to open up periodic five-minute tutorials.

A snapshot of what works.

Hopefully, everyone in your workplace will be honest enough to realise that they haven’t worked it all out yet, respectful enough to be able to listen to a colleague for five minutes and supportive enough to be willing to try a suggestion by someone more effective then they are.

Within the church setting, it should be a no-brainer.

God has given us each different sets of spiritual gifts to use for Him.

This will shape the kind of ministry we have.

Thus, this will enable to be stronger in certain areas.

Since the body of Christ isn’t a millipede (where everyone is an identical leg), we should be more than open to glean from the wisdom of others.

Within the school context, the variety of years/classes/subjects we teach will naturally enable us to develop in specific areas.

Since so much of teacher life can involve you being placed outside your preferred context, surely hearing from those who are more effective in these areas would be advantageous.

What geography teacher (who needs to teach junior history) wouldn’t want to learn from a history colleague about effective source analysis?

What history teacher (who needs to teach junior geography) wouldn’t want strategies to effectively teach geography skills?

All it needs to take is five regular minutes…

The message that must emerge from the banter

I love my staff room.

One of the best things about it is the quality banter.

One of the common sounds amongst my colleagues is laughter.

Or at least a good chuckle.

But, the banter can get vocationally dark.

We can sarcastically banter about students, administration, marking, assessments  and preparation.

As the largest faculty in our school, we also have a lot of prac students.

This term alone, we have had a half dozen university students join us.

Whenever the banter about out job is supercharged - and bent towards the negatives of the job - I will regularly chirp in with an important disclaimer.

We love our jobs.

We enjoy teaching.

We like (the vast majority) of our students.

And young impressionable teachers need to hear this amongst the banter.

They need to hear our passion amongst the snark.

They need to sense the enjoyment in the middle of the humorous grumbling.

As you are in a profession and workplace long-term , you can - from the outside - appear and sounded cynical or jaded.

Even if you’re not.

And, young trainees must realise that underneath the banter is passion.

How should a youth group or church respond to a traumatic event on the other side of the world?

Event.

Reporting.

Reaction.

Reaction to the reaction.

This is the modern news-cycle.

So, how should a church respond to a newsworthy event?

Most of the time, if the event is detected from the congregation personally or geographically, I don’t think there needs to be much more than an acknowledgement.

Name the tragedy. 

Pray about the event.

But, business should proceeded like normal.

No radical change of plans is required.

Of course, this won’t be the case if it’s an event like 911.

Then, all your plans get tossed into the air.

But, not every event is 911.

Most aren’t.

For example, the death of Charlie Kirk isn’t a schedule destroyer if you’re in Australia.

Now, I write that without the intention of offending anyone.

Yes, his death was horrific.

Absolutely, his murder was newsworthy.

But, his assassination must be held in perspective. 

Not one person will have known Charlie Kirk personally.

Not one person will have gone to one of his events.

And, if we change our plans because of a disconnected event on the other side of the world, then we lessen the impact for nearer tragedies.

Personal tragedies.

Community shaping events.

These should redefine what you are doing.

Then, you need to provide more than just an acknowledgement and an additional prayer point.

You need to provide support.

Physical support. 

Emotional support.

Spiritual support.

You need to provide space.

Physical space. 

Emotional space.

Spiritual space.

You need to reinforce the basis of the gospel.

Goodness.

Trust.

Grace.

These are the ways to respond to tragedy.

And, if your going to set aside your original plans, these are the pillars which you build the new plans around - support, space and the gospel.

No, I will not pray FOR Charlie Kirk

Now, I didn’t write this headline because I want to be ruthlessly cancelled by a pitch-fork wielding horde online.

Frankly, I have no strong opinions on Charlie Kirk personally.

Had I heard of him prior to his death? Absolutely. 

He would regularly appear in my social feeds.

Some… maybe even many… of the things he said I would softly agree with.

Other things I’d push back upon.

If nothing else, he was an excellent debater and engaged in public discourse.

Sometimes his message would be clouded by his selected medium.

But, no, I will not pray FOR Charlie Kirk.

I don’t care what any hashtag may want me to do.

I won’t pray for someone who is dead.

Why?

Because I wouldn’t know what to pray for.

I don’t need to intercede for the dead. There time is over.

I certainly don’t need those who have passed to intercede for me. Nothing and no one is required to link myself with God beyond Jesus.

But, I will pray ABOUT Charlie Kirk.

For his widow.

For his kids.

For those who witnessed his murder.

For America.

These are things to pray for.

For, Christianity is a religion of the living, not the deceased.

Is it better to follow up a stinker or a banger?

Every Sunday falls seven days after a Sunday and, in another seven days, another Sunday will roll around.

This is the cycle of church work.

This Sunday’s sermon follows the last Sunday’s  sermon… Which will be followed by next Sunday’s.. And the following… And the following…

So, is it better to follow a stinker of a sermon or a banger?

I’ve done both.

I’ve got no doubt I’ve put those I worked with in the same position.

If course, usually, it won’t be a concern.

Most sermons are… just fine.

Not extraordinarily fantastic.

Not tremendously awful.

Just the typical-calibre sermon that gets delivered 45 times a year.

But, what if you are stepping up the to the pulpit the Sunday after a preaching outlier?

Would you rather be following up a great sermon or one which should be quickly forgotten?

Now, usually, you won’t provide a judgement on the quality of the preceding sermon (especially if it was below par), but the preceding homily-serving will inevitably impact your sermon.

You can build off the back of a memorable sermon.

You can let last Sunday’s sermon lay the platform for you to launch off.

This is the best way to follow up a banger of a predecessor.

Or, you can provide an additional point if you thought the last sermon was a bit thin and then launch into your new offering.

For the sake of your congregation, you’d rather follow on from a good-to-great sermon, but there will inevitably be Sundays when the last pitch from the pulpit was  more of a strike-out than a home-run.

Nonetheless, you can (and should) be faithful, so the person who follows you will be doing so from a firm foundation.

Is there greater fruit in being a minister’s grandkid?

My parents aren’t believers.

Thus, I’ve certainly never personally known what it’s like to be the kid of a minister.

But, I’ve definitely known plenty of minister’s children.

Some embrace the faith of their parents. Many in fact.

Some rebel. 

Some resent.

Some spiritually emancipate themselves.

I often wonder about the pressures put on minister’s kids.

A decade go it was a far greater concern since my offspring were growing up with a parent who was on staff at a church.

As I said above, I’ve seen some kids serve God faithfully and I’ve seen others be openly hostile to all things God and the church.

As my kids grow, even as I’m now - at most - only a volunteer at church, I can see the ways that they are beginning to respond to church.

But what about if it’s your grandparent who is the minister?

Is this a more fertile soil?

Is the relationship a child has with their grandparent more evangelistically  conducive?

I believe it may be since your grandparent - without the 24/7 presence of a parent - can wield greater influence since they are free from the baggage of behind-closed-doors-hypocrisy. 

Of course, grandparent are just as fallen and just as broken as the rest of us, but once they are at the arms-length of Nan or Pop, the witness they can have can be far more impactful.

How paying attention can look different now

What does paying attention look like in 2025?

In the classroom, this will look like a student who is off their electronic device (or using it productively) and working on task.

In the pews, may look like someone taking notes during the sermon with their bible open on their lap.

But, if I am paying attention and engaged in a sermon or bible study, it may not look like it.

Chances are, I will be on my phone.

On it, I will have my bible.

And every translation of the bible.

I will take notes.

I will jot down ideas for future Tiny Bible Bits.

You will know if I’m engaged because I will be looking up things online.

I will be quickly chasing rabbit-holes.

I will be checking anything which does sit quite right.

I will be confirming speculations which pop into my mind.

A generation ago this would have been rude.

Without knowing what I’m doing, I may look distracted.

But, this can be how paying attention can look in 2025.

Do we consume the bible like we do TikTok?

My daughters, for a while, had been asking to watch the Marvel films catalogue.

Consequently, over the last few months, we’ve been (selectively) working our way through the MCU.

At least I have been with my youngest.

My eldest, who wanted to watch the films more, has barely been able to sit through an entire film.

The reason is simple, and in part, is the reason she wanted to watch the movies in the first place.

She’s seen the shorts online.

She’s viewed small snippets of the best bits.

She’s been exposed to the most action-packed, humour-quipped, tear-jerking moments.

But, she cannot stomach the plot which connects these fragments.

She isn’t prepared to put in the effort to get the underlying plot which adds the meaning.

Do we consume the bible in the same way?

Do we just expose ourselves to the greatest hits?

Are we just familiar with the Sunday shorts?

When we’re younger, this is definitely the way we serve up the scriptures.

Bite-sized.

Easily-consumable.

Hopefully, alongside a story which has a drama or a craft activity.

But, we exclude some of the passages which add depth to these passages.

We cut Deuteronomy.

We skim over Isaiah and Jeremiah.

We leave Romans for “when they’re older”.

But, in doing this, we reduce the bible to a series of disconnected shorts.

We rob the bible of an overarching salvation narrative.

Worse still, we condition our young people to only be able to consume the bible in easily-digestible chunks.

How important is good banter in my classroom?

If the title of this post replaced the word important with essential, then the answer would be simple.

None.

Good banter isn’t essential.

Neither is laughter.

Or enjoyment.

But all three are included in my classroom.

And they make things better.

In fact, they make my classes, mine.

For, I have a pretty good banter game.

I tell corny jokes (even if it’s only to entertain myself at times).

I will have, at times, the most energetic classes in the school.

I’ll act.

I’ll throw myself on the ground and loudly wail in order to demonstrate Ancient Egyptian funeral practices.

I’ll do what it takes to not only communicate the content of my lessons, but that I really enjoy educating and, specifically, teaching my subjects.

This happens best if I’m authentically teaching.

And… I’m funny (or at least witty).

I’m loud.

I’m energetic.

I’m shameless.

Without anything getting out of control, and with the boundaries clearly put in place and firmly kept, I will engage in some friendly banter.

This is not “ya mum” or “that’s what she said.”

This is crap banter.

Good banter is productive…

Usually, it will help me build rapport with my students.

Often, it will help students develop social skills.

It will cultivate sense of belonging.

It will, always, add the flavour that this class as one taught by me.

Of course, the aim is never to be friends with my students. 

But, I can (and should), be friendly.

It must remain clear that I’m both the adult AND the professional in the room.

But, a classroom without quality banter… wouldn’t be a classroom where I’m the teacher.

The obstacles when you’re not acclimatised

While my wife and I were in Europe over the last school holidays we did something which we always find a challenge - we hired a car.

Of course, the major challenge for an Australian driving in Europe is that you need to drive on the opposite side of the road.

Thankfully, after a few days we both adjusted (even if I did routinely turn on the windscreen wipers when I intended to indicate a turn), but the first few hours were hairy for both driver and passenger.

Everything was just a little more difficult.

Everything required just a lot more concentration.

Because everything was unfamiliar.

Whenever you do something new, or for the first time in a long while, everything takes a while to fall into place.

It’s true for driving.

It’s true for teaching.

It’s true for preaching.

It takes a while for your body to acclimatise to the rigours of a new activity.

But the place I most encounter this is whenever I ride a bike.

Frankly, I’m not brilliant on a bicycle.

I can ride, but I only ever do so sporadically - and usually in Europe.

This last time, my body reminded me that I was not acclimatised to the physical toll that the task would bring.

But, no matter if it is driving on the right side of the road, riding in the saddle, in the classroom or at the pulpit, there are consequences of unfamiliarity.

Everything is more pronounced.

Small things are off-putting.

You lack the ability to look far ahead.

You overly rely upon expert advice.

You require greater preparation.

You’re more drained after the activity.

Every stage is prolonged.

No matter what it is, but especially in the areas of teaching and preaching, new practitioners must be warned about the snares of unfamiliarity.

This is especially true if they are used to watching experienced veterans.

For, as it takes more time to get ready, you get rocked by the unexpected and you lack the foresight to see trouble approaching, you need a gentle reminder that your mind and body will acclimatise.

The thoughts which must be haunting a church visitor

At my school I am both the coordinator for incoming year 7’s and Peer Support. As such, I get the…. privilege… to see brand new high school students from their very first days.

For some kids, coming to high school isn’t too scary.

Of course, the campus is new and it’s full of large unfamiliar people, but there are some things which can soften the initial shock - friends and siblings.

Having an older sibling will allow a youngster to see a family member confidently negotiate the incoming change.

Having a social group (usually from their primary school) will allow a student familiar peers to face the new obstacles with.

Not every student have these softeners.

Every year contains students who are throughly on their lonesome.

Maybe you remember your first day at high school.

Frankly, I don’t remember mine. But, I certainly did have a day when I initially walked into my high school for the first time.

Do you recall your first day at church?

Again, I don’t recall mine. But I know it would have been when I was in, or around, year 7.

But, I have entered plenty of churches for the first time.

Sometimes it has been as a new employee.

Other times it has been as a potential congregant.

Certainly, no matter the reason, it has always been easier if there has been someone whom I already know or I am not entering by myself.

That’s why, I think the bravest church-seeker is the single young adult.

If they are searching for a new church, no matter if they are a believer or someone exploring Christianity, there is a decent chance that they are doing so alone.

This should make any single-twenty-something visitor to a church a minor miracle.

They are, potentially, stepping into a foreign space for the first time in many years.

They are, potentially, back into the shoes of themselves on day-one of high school.

And, again, already familiar relationships soften the landing in a new church.

But, if you’re a young adult who has moved into a new area, searching for a new faith community must be quite intimidating.

I wonder, if we remain mindful of our first day of high school, how would it affect the way we view and treat those who are visiting our places of worship for the first time?

The enjoyment in-balance of church

My wife and I just returned from a holiday to Europe. Being part German, she goes every year, I only head over every second year.

The itinerary usually breaks down to a mixture of cathedrals/churches/monasteries, Roman ruins, Medieval towns, picturesque German villages and the obligatory family visitations.

This year, while we were in Bonn, we ended up listening to a choir concert within one of the local Doms.

My wife, who sings choral, loved it.

I endured it.

In attendance because I knew that she would throughly enjoy it.

Unsurprisingly, she appreciated the concert on a whole different level than I did.

She recognised the songs.

She knew the composers (a few even personally).

She valued the quality of the singing in a far deeper way than I could.

The equivalent would be when my wife and I attend a sporting event.

I, having followed the sport - be it cricket or rugby league - will understand what’s happening far more than my spouse.

I will know the intricacies of the rules and the stories within the contest.

In short, I will appreciate the event on a similar level to my wife in a choir concert.

And yet, we both attend.

I wonder if this is a similar feeling within churches.

Some people are very engaged.

They are comfortable with the social cues.

They are deeply familiar with the context of the stories.

They are personally engaged with the message and, often, the messengers.

How does this dynamic play out when you’re in a relationship where one of your has been a believer, or at least a member of a particular church, for a long time which your partner is still fairly unfamiliar?

Is there a disconnect in the enjoyment of the experience?

Is there a greater reluctance to attend?

There are many good reasons for believers to avoid entering romantic relationships with unbelievers, but the inability to share church with that person is something which I feel is underplayed.

The REAL purpose of High School

Of course, the answer is to learn.

Der.

As a teacher, this SHOULD be my response.

But, as a teacher, I also know that school doesn’t work for everyone.

For some kids, learning is not the primary purpose of school.

It’s certainly not the primary result.

Frankly, it wasn’t for me.

I was more interested in hanging with my mates and having fun.

Lunch was, at least, of equal importance as any other part of the school day.

I learnt to love studying after my years in high school.

For some kids, the structures of school, don’t combine well with their personalities or upbringing.

It would be an imaginary pipe-dream to think that every high schooler had a passion for their education.

This is why I think that formal education is only a part of the point of high school.

Personally, I think that high school is a success if you discover three things.

An identity.

A tribe.

A passion.

You should leave high school with a firm idea of what you believe. What you stand up for. What you will stand against.

This is your identity.

You should leave with a group you belong to. A bunch of people who accept you. A group you find support in. 

This is your tribe.

You should leave high school with a sense of what you enjoy. What you’re good at. What interests you.

This is your passion.

Over the six years of high school, if all you leave with is a result which concluded with your final exams, then I think you’ve missed some of the most significant elements of high school.

If you depart with an identity, tribe and passion, then you’re equipped to launch into your next stage of life - even if you don’t academically achieve everything you could have.

With a firm identity, a supportive tribe and a passion to drive you, then you’re ready for the next steps of young-adulthood.

The support team every youth minister should have

Everyone has ministry blind spots.

I believe this is no more evident than youth ministry.

Within this context you’ll be working with children, teens, young adults, adults and oldies.

You’ll significantly cross paths with those of every life stage.

You’ll juggle the needs and expectations of longtime congregants, new believers, families, singles, senior ministers, lay leaders and colleagues.

At times, you’ll feel dragged in a dozen different directions and under the weight of a dozen masters.

So, what can a church do to help?

One thing my first ministry position did - which I didn’t fully appreciate at the time - was to establish a youth ministry team.

The point of this team, primarily, was support.

They would hear my ideas first.

They would be a place to spitball options.

They would be a place to be held accountable.

They would be a place to ask questions.

They would be a place to be questioned.

Most importantly, they would be the place to expose my blind spots.

They would identify issues.

They would raise potential concerns.

They would, most of all, encourage.

But, as I said earlier, they would be a means of support.

They would be the sternest defenders of the ministry.

They would cut off criticism before I ever heard it.

They would put out fires before they reached me.

For, on this team were a diverse mix.

A couple of parents.

A member of each congregation of the church.

A long term influential member of the church.

Someone who initially helped set up the ministry.

A committed teen.

A experienced youth leader.

A trainee leader.

Someone connected to a youngster transitioning into the ministry.

Someone connected to someone transitioning out of the ministry.

A ministry veteran. 

A prayer warrior.

With this diverse group, important decisions can be viewed from alternate perspectives.

As many bling spots as possible should be brought into light.

Vitally, this group should outlive the current ministry agent.

They will be the continuing structure which any new person will step into.

 

Ideally, this group of people will be the network of defence and support which the youth minister will treasure and result in, not just a better thought out and well-rounded ministry, but a placement which is more prepared and peaceful.

Why the late families deserve double the praise

Today the kids and I were late to church.

Not dramatically late, but late nonetheless.

As someone who used to run activities for youngsters on a Sunday morning, it was customary for me to track the arrivals of families on a Sunday morning.

Inevitably, some families would stumble in after the start of the service.

Honestly, I used to get slightly annoyed by the tardiness of some families.

I certainly wouldn’t do that now.

Now, I would be even more thankful that they have turned up to church.

Why?

Because a late family, surely, didn’t intent to be late.

But something happened.

There was an argument…

Breakfast was a struggle…

One of the kids had a meltdown…

Tired parents allowed their kids to sleep an extra 15 minutes…

And, as this situation played out, they had the chance to not attend church.

It ran through my mind this morning.

We could, very easily, have chosen to not attend church this morning.

Taking the girls out to a lazy breakfast was tempting.

But, every late family has decided that church, despite any obstacles, was worth turning up for.

This should be honoured, not looked down upon.