The reason people leave that we MUST speak about

Youth ministry drop out points. Again.

I keep returning to this topic because, first of all, it keeps entering my mind. I think about it a lot.

Second, the issue matters. Those who are connected to the church - never mind in vocational ministry - must care about those within the church. This, inevitably, will involve those who transition out of the church.

Third, I genuinely believe that this is a topic that demands to be spoken about. It matters. And enough people don’t think about it or speak about it.

So…here we are again.

But, I also keep returning to this topic because I keep discovering ways that I’ve undersold it. For, it is much bigger, deeper and more complex topic which a series of ages, life stages, or relational steps won’t cover.

And this drop out point is dark.

It is painful.

It is devastating.

Abuse.

Physical.

Sexual.

Spiritual.

This is a drop out point that is self-inflicted by the church.

And, it is one that can result in the door of the church being permanently closed.

But, it exists.

Shamefully.

And, it must be spoken about.

To do otherwise would be to continue a history of silence, wilful ignorance and cover-up.

So… while it hurts to say, abuse must be a factor adding to those leaking out the back door of the church.

The victims.

Their family.

Their friends.

Why Lamentations?

I usually don’t post things I write in Tiny Bible Bits. It’s not because they aren’t insightful, but because the idea of regularly sharing something in two places online seemed a tad self-indulgent.

But my latest post was really good. It was about the value of the book of Lamentations.

Enjoy…

Lamentations 1:12 - 12 “Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by? Look around and see. Is any suffering like my suffering that was inflicted on me, that the Lord brought on me in the day of his fierce anger?”

No one reads the book of Lamentations. 

Why would you? It’s so very depressing.

Furthermore, why does such a woeful book belong in the bible?

The book of Lamentations is valuable for a number of reasons.

First, it provides us with a vocabulary of suffering.

This is important, secondly, because life - this side of heaven - involves suffering. We, to varying degrees, will feel the same as the author of Lamentations to the suffering around us.

Third, Lamentations gives a voice to the suffering of those who lived through Jerusalem’s destruction. Their suffering, especially as a consequence of continual covenant failure, deserves to be heard. These five chapters are their memorial.

Fourth, it must serve as a warning for us who read the account of the acrostic Lament poems. Rebellion against God, even with Him patience, has consequences.

Finally, Lamentations serves as a comfort to those who suffer. Through the words of the poet the present-day sufferers tears are validated. 

We can believe that the life of faith will always be comfortable and without tragedy. We can fall into the trap that Jesus is like a cosmic lucky charm. Lamentations consoles those who are intimately aware that this is not the case.

They can cry out with Lamentations to the God who, in time, hears and sees our suffering.

The book of Lamentations, while not comfortable, is a book that deserves our time amd attention. Because the life of faith, walked with Jesus, can still reflect the words of Lamentations. 

And, when we read, empathise and learn from Lamentations we do so beside the God who is Himself familiar with suffering and reaches out to those who need comfort.

The best piece of teaching advice I’ve received

Teaching in schools is different to youth ministry.

The later is powered by the Spirit of God and relationships. 

As you minister to others you grow closer to them, and as you add relational collateral, your ministry becomes more impactful. In many places, building relationships will be an element of your job description.

The former is primarily about content. 

You teach what you need to. While it is a benefit, being liked is not a part of your job description. Teaching the syllabus is in your job outline. Being liked is a bonus.

Frankly, most teachers are friendly enough and passionate enough to become liked the longer they teach a student.

But, it isn’t required.

This ties into the best piece of teaching advice I’ve ever been given.

Now, in context, this guy is an excellent teacher who is generally liked by all - staff and students.

His advice to me was this… 

“Remember, they are only 15. Don’t worry about what they think.”

His point was simple.

You should never, ever, let your worth or value be impacted by the opinions of your students.

Why?

Because they are only 15.

Whom you teach for just a few hours per week.

Whether they like you or not should have little bearing on the way you wake up. Or prepare lessons. Or deliver lessons. Or drive home. Or get to sleep.

They are only teens.

Instead, focus in doing your job well.

If you do that. And aren’t a dick. Most students will like you anyway.

And the ones who don’t… you only teach them a few hours a week.

And it may have absolutely nothing to do with you anyway…

We must hold our plans loosely

Work at a my home church 20 hours per week. Then 25. Then 30.

Work at a larger church.

Work at a church with a larger youth ministry.

Work at a church full-time.

Work at building a strong youth ministry for a decade.

Work at another church full-time.

Build a strong youth ministry, particularly working with the young adults.

Work at another church…

This was the plan.

It didn’t work out that way.

Now the plan is…

Work at a school full-time, gaining familiarity with the way schools operate.

Gain teaching proficiency.

Take more senior classes.

Become accredited in teaching Religious Studies/Studies of Religion.

Get my new subject taught in my school, teaching it for a few years.

Become a highly accomplished teacher.

Potentially, this will take the best part of a decade.

But, plans can change.

The last decade has made that abundantly clear.

As life goes on, and our plans change, we learn that we need to hold our plans loosely. 

Over time, we learn the truth of Proverbs 19:21 -

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
    but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

What you preach on in your ministry diapers will shape your future

Over their career, ministers deliver thousands of sermons.

Having only worked as a youth minister for over a decade, thus not preaching weekly, I gave around 200 sermons.

But, not every sermon is equal.

Your first sermons are special.

You are extra nervous.

You are extra prepared.

You invite guests.

But, most importantly, your first handful of sermons will be further spaced out.

This is why you can be more prepared.

This is why you can sit with the passage longer.

This is why you can ruminate on your points.

This is why the message can soak deeper into the one giving the sermon.

For, as time goes on and you gain both trust, experience and responsibility, the sermon treadmill will restrict this depth of impact.

When you preach weekly, the time a sermon has to soak in will get squeezed out.

There will be another sermon the following Sunday. And then another. And another.

With this timetable, your first - intermittent - season of sermons will leave a greater impact.

So, I wonder, how many ministries have been shaped by these embryonic homilies?

How many decades of serving have been shaped by the point they were able to sit with for a few weeks?

How many ministers have been moulded by the sermon on evangelism, or social justice or deliverance because that - by coincidence - was what they spoke on and stewed over as a young minister?

I suspect, many of the things an experienced minister is passionate about have a direct connection to something they said in their early wadings into the pulpit.

What you gain when you don’t have to fake it anymore

Your first year in most jobs can be summed up with the famous quip: Fake it until you make it.

This is true in the school. It is also true within the church.

A few weeks ago I did my first PDP (professional development plan) at school.

One of the aims I had, understandably, was to increase my familiarity with the systems and structures of the school I’m currently working in.

Frankly, as would be expected in my first year of teaching, I don’t know a lot.

I started out as a near clean slate.

But, now, I’ve taught somewhere in the vicinity of 350 lessons.

I’ve filled out my first few grades of student reports.

I’ve navigated the first semester of exams and marking.

I can now, fairly confidently, navigate timetables, class covers and incident reports.

Just today I was sharing the secret I’ve gleaned about negotiating parent-teacher interviews.

In a relatively short time I’ve leant a lot.

But! there’s still A LOT of things I don’t know.

How sport works. 

How to organise excursions.

A hundred things I don’t even know exist yet…

But, over the last few months my staff room has had a half dozen practicum students.

And they’re surprised that I’m still a newbie.

For, on the outside, I appear throughly competent. 

And, in most jobs, this isn’t unusual.

You appear like you know what you’re doing.

Why?

Because you can do the basics.

You can execute everything expected. Most of the time.

But, you can’t yet do the unexpected.

You can’t navigate the incidentals.

You can’t pull off the tasks that only pop up occasionally. Or a few times per year.

You can’t navigate around the spaces that only come through experience and, occasionally, failure.

But, achieving that basic level of competency is something which should be celebrated. It is only after this point that you can then grow because you’re no longer expending all your energy in keeping your head above water.

It’s true in the school. True in the church. True in most occupations.

Being comfortable with uncertainty

We want answers. All of us.

Especially teens and young adults.

As they piece life and faith together, working out what they will stand for, it is inevitable that they will hit an intellectual wall.

Things won’t line up.

Previous pithy answers won’t satisfy anymore.

People they respect won’t agree with each other.

When this occurs, what happens next?

In short, they continue to search for answers. As they should.

They wrestle. They argue. They dig in. They Google.

But, for some things, the answer is not like cracking a difficult quadratic equation.

The solution will not be discovered by searching harder or learning more.

Instead, the “answer” is comfort in uncertainty.

With maturity comes a peace of not knowing.

Now, this is not a stick-your-head-in-the-sand ignorance, but it is a humble realisation.

You don’t know it all.

You don’t now.

You never will.

But, you can have peace and security in the middle of this uncertainty.

Why?

Because of what you can know.

You can grow in the knowledge and depth of the goodness, justice, mercy, grace, forgiveness and love of God.

This intimacy with the character of God will help you live with uncertainty.

For, what you don’t know, God knows.

What you don’t understand, God fully understands.

What confuses or frustrates you doesn’t worry God.

With this truth cemented in your mind, living in the midst of uncertainty isn’t as scary.

What makes the dancing stop?

 Last weekend the church I attended sang a song from at least a decade ago.

It was… underwhelming.

Now, there was nothing wrong with the song.

The music was performed more than adequately.

The singing was to the usual high standard.

But, compared to then energy the song used to generate, it was now just… meh.

A similar problem arises, I imagine, for a song like One Way, Jesus.

By now, the clapping is less energised.

The dancing is more subdued, maybe even ceased.

But, this transitioning of the way songs are sung gets me thinking about music from today and a generation (or more) ago.

Do we consider that, in time, the buzz around the most energised worship sin will eventually subside?

Equally, are we mindful that the dullest song from the hymn book - potentially - held a similar energetic vibe when it was sung for the first few times?

really, it all boils down to this…  after being played for over a decade, has a song lost the energy it had or is it just that those who grew up singing the tune lost their vibrancy?

Did the World Wars kick off the gender gap within the pews?

Over the last five weeks I’ve been teaching my year 9 history class about World War 1. As we conclude the unit we’ve been looking at the lasting consequences of the conflict and the impact upon those who returned and the fallout from the vacancies caused by those who never returned home.

Needless to say, the war was devastating.

World War 2 more so.

I wonder, in light of the detestation that was inflicted on a generation of men, how did this impact the church?

For, every church (which is old enough) has a plaque to two commemorating the names of the fallen from their congregation.

Is this, in reality, the pinpoint that the gender gap emerged within the church?

For, if a third of all me fell in combat, what legacy did this leave for the demographics within the pews?

Once children didn’t see as many males at church on a Sunday, at least across a generation or two, did this actually set in motion the trend for women to dominate the numbers within the church?

Does youth ministry feed the the gender imbalance or just prepare you for it?

I first entered a church youth group when I was 12.

Over the next six years the group changed a lot over the high school years.

It grew. It shrank.

By the end, I was the only guy left in a group of around eight.

Now, my home church did youth ministry in a slightly unique manner.

For us, each year group would meet separately on a different afternoon after school.

But, the dynamics of my group were not uncommon.

The majority of the groups were female heavy.

Generally, this was also reflected in the youth groups I led, especially over the senior high years. More girls. Less boys.

The gender statistics in the average church will be around 60:40 (women:men). So, for those who emerge from youth ministry, these female loaded demographics won’t be unfamiliar.

But, I wonder, does the male:female breakdown reflect the wider church OR is this where the gender imbalance germinates?

After a few generations of youth ministry, has the gender ratio of churches been cemented within youth ministries?

Or, does youth ministry just coincidental prepare those within it for the church dynamics which lay ahead?

What do you do with a bible you are throwing out?

Last week there was a “controversy” in a small corner of the internet.

Someone, rather innocently, dared to ask what you should with a bible you are going to throw away.

With the internet being the place of gentleness that it is, keyboards quickly armed themselves with digital flamethrowers.

Some said that you could simply dispose of a bible, like you would any book. Recycle it thoughtfully. 

These people were declared heretics.

Others said that you should do everything to preserve the pages of scripture.

These people were declared heretics.

A few dared to share that you could use the bible creatively and utilise the pages in a mural or artwork.

These people were declared heretics.

Personally, I have thrown away bibles in a range of contexts. 

When I’ve moved, and downsized my library, some bibles haven’t survived the transition.

I’ve worked at churches where, due to overuse, age or teenage enthusiasm, bibles needed to be replaced.

After a few decades of being a Christian I’ve had a few bibles which have been retired.

I don’t think it’s that big an issue.

Put simply, don’t treat the bible disrespectfully. But, at the same time, recognise that it is just a book made up on ink and paper.

The bible, in itself, holds no special power. It may be sentimental, but the bible isn’t the equivalent of an Infinity Stone.

The message within hold the power.

Frankly, my phone holds these words. In fact, my phone contains far more bibles than any bookshelf or most churches. And, I’ll dispose of an old phone without a second thought to my “precious” bible app.

Ideally, if a bible is in good condition, you can hopefully find a way to ensure your old bible can be placed in the hands of another. You donate it. You give it away.

Ultimately, you don’t burn the old bible or kick it down the street, but I’m not offended in the least by someone placing their old bible in the recycling bin.

Why you shouldn’t ride solo

Last week I went to a training day for early teachers.

And it was… boring.

Despite the decent content.

Despite the engaging presenters.

Despite the nice people hosting.

Despite the lovely location.

It. Was. Boring.

Why?

Because I was there alone.

I travelled in alone.

I sat alone.

I ate lunch alone.

I left alone.

But, this wasn’t the worst thing. As an introvert, being without constant company is something I can contently live with.

The worst thing about being alone was what I missed out on. 

There was no one to constructively chat with.

No one to contextualise what you heard.

No one to bounce ideas off.

No one to hear their perspective.

No one to point out the odd things you notice.

And, this absence cheapens the experience.

For, others widen your experience.

It doesn’t matter if it is an educational training event, the University tutorial or a church service. Others enhance your enjoyment and engagement.

Truely, it was not good for this man to be alone… and riding solo is something I’d seek to avoid in the future.

Being on the other side of scripture teaching

When I was a youth minister I taught a lot of scripture in local school. A lot.

At the school I currently teach at the scripture timetable was just released for the term ahead.

Frankly, it’s annoying. It’s inconvenient. It’s a little unpopular.

And, I’ve been on the verge of complaining about the effect it will have on my classes.

But, that would make me a massive hypocrite.

Why? 

Because, when I was the scripture teacher, I expected that the school would accomodate scripture. 

Now, I can’t whinge that I’m the one who needs to step aside.

And, if I think that scripture served/serves an important purpose, then I need to be prepared to allow that to cost me a timetabled lesson.

Even if it means that I need to bite my tongue in the staff room and be prepared  wear the heat for an interrupted timetable.

The turning up when nothing is on is a step of commitment

Events draw people in. 

They provide the perfect reason to invite a newbie.

It is true for church and youth group.

We love an evangelistic excuse.

Unfortunately, “it’s Sunday” isn’t a particular significant occasion.

They’re ordinary.

Having a new person turn up on a spectacular occasion is excellent. Anyone darkening the church door for the first time is great.

Having them turn up again is even better. 

But, having them turn up when nothing significant is on is game-changing. For, now, the new person is attending because of something deeper than the special event. This is an important leap of commitment.

What do you think of when you hear that the epistles were written to a “young church”?

The biblical letters written to the churches were sent to “young churches.” This is what we say.

But would we define an epistle penned to a church today, which has been established for a decade, correspondence to a “young church”?

I suspect not.

But, this is what we find in the New Testament - Letters written in the 

and 60’s to congregations founded a decade prior.

Of course, this is not comparing like-for-like.

Theology wise, the epistles were written to very juvenile churches. Two or three decades of theology is still a young sprout compared to the two millennia we have today.

Theologically, no church today should be considered young. If anything, this term should be considered a red flag.

But, when we call the churches in the New Testament young, does our mind place upon that phrase our modern expectations?

Do we instantly, evenly subconsciously, consider these churches to be a recent startup of only a few years?

You need to look at both sides of the marriage equation

You need to get a better husband.

This was my response to a young woman who stated that she had an issue with the concept of female submission within marriage.

Now, without going into the cultural or relational circumstances of the first or 21st century, my response had everything to do with the importance of perspective.

I highly suspect that the irking to the idea of submission within marriage was twofold.

First, it immediately - almost subconsciously - rubbed her modern feminism the wrong way.

Second, the “command” to “submit to your husband” seemed to be one of the only rules she had emblazoned upon her concerning marriage.

And here is where the significance of perspective kicks in. 

Anyone considering marriage, what it is to be married, or what kind of spouse they either want to be or have must have a balanced perspective.

You need to consider what the bible says about marriage as a whole and what the bible calls BOTH spouses to be and do.

If a young lady is only aware of what she considers are her responsibilities, then she may feel aggrieved that the ledger is one-sided. (The same could also be said for a young chap!)

The trouble is, it’s not.

The bible has just as many instructions concerning husbands.

Young Christian women should be aware of these instructions as well.

Why?

So they will have a good idea what to look out for in a potential spouse and so they will have a good idea of what kind of marriage the bible presents.

This goes far beyond mere submission.

It includes love. And honour. And sacrifice. For both spouses.

It clearly tells the husband that he must love and cherish his wife like Christ loves the church.

As I’ve pondered before, and I mentioned to this young lady, would she have a problem submitting to a guy who loves you and is doing his best to live out the biblical mandate of a good husband?

What does it mean to be spotted by a student at church?

A few weeks ago I was recognised at church by a student of the school I currently work at.

This was the first time it has happened.

It was, frankly, a little weird.

First of all, it was odd that I was called Mr Baldock. I’m still not used to be called by my surname, especially outside of school.

Second, it was odd because I wasn’t expecting to see a student randomly in the church foyer. My church, whilst not located on the other side of Sydney, is far enough away from my school that I’m not tripping over students regularly.

Third, it was weird because I don’t advertise my faith in the classroom. Sure, I may mention that I worked for the church in the past or that I have a theology degree, but I don’t go out of my way to talk about my faith.

Working in a public school, you have no idea what response you will get and, honestly, I’m not even certain that it would be allowed.

With that said, it raises an important point. What kind of witness, if any, do/should I have within the school?

Sure, one kid may now have an idea that I’m a believer, but very few others would.

Or, is the mission field of a public school only reserved for the staffroom?

The dangers of Build-Your-Own Christianity

A few weeks ago I took a bunch of young adults through an exercise I used to do in scripture classes.

In short, you build your own religion.

This night, the group built a religion based upon the Australian culture. Within it, they had to name their religion and outline what those within the religion must do or believe, should do or believe, what they can’t do or believe and what would identify someone as an adherent.

One we chatted about our new Aussie faiths, we then did the same thing for Christianity. What must you do? What should you do? What can’t you do? What will identify you?

The aim of the exercise is to compare your lists and see that the things you determine as a must or should will not be the same as others. Some will wildly disagree. 

And, the deeper you think about the questions, the more exposed your self-imposed Christianity can be.

Eventually, I ask if the Christianity that they defined could include the following people…

The thief hanging beside Jesus.

An illiterate person.

A persecuted Christian.

A five year old.

Someone with a physical or intellectual disability.

The reason I select these people is that they expose the width of the faith.

The thief never, as far as we know, evangelised. He definitely didn’t go to church.

The illiterate person doesn’t read the bible.

The persecuted Christian may not attend church or partake in the sacraments.

The five year old, or person with an intellectual disability, will only have a limited grasp of theology.

The physically disabled person my never lift their arms to worship.

When we create a list of must’s and should’ve then we risk excluding those that God would not or does not.

This is the danger of such lists.

Lastly, I ask if they themselves would qualify - by their Christian definition - as a believer.

This, finally, exposes why they may shape their lists like they do. It probably looks like them.

What your thoughts about your old patch reveal

Occasionally I think about my old churches.

Honestly, I sometimes stalk them.

I see what they are doing.

I see if the ministery staff are the same.

I sneak a look into the youth ministry.

And I don’t know what I hope to find.

Do I want them to be doing amazingly well?

Would I revel in them struggling?

Would I like seeing people I didn’t enjoy working with no longer being there?

Is it nothing more than church snooping, like you would an ex on Facebook?

I would like to say that I wish nothing but unbridled blessings upon my old churches. I really would.

It would show a “kingdom mindset.”

It would show humility. 

it would show that I trust that God is completely sovereign.

It would show that, ultimately, no success within a ministry was dependent upon me or my skills. 

Of course, the longer I’ve been away, the easier it is to wish them well.

Two decades removed, things should - arguably must - be different. It would be damaging, and a little sad, if they were still the same.

Personally, it is because of what it reveals about my heart, that I keep wondering about my old ministry patches.

Should Christian have faux-Passover?

As we approach Easter I expect that many churches will be doing a Passover memorial meal. I’ve been to plenty, but never personally run one.

But I would have. 

Probably without hesitation.

But, is a Passover meal something Christians should partake in?

Should followers of Jesus imitate a religious feast of another faith?

Further to the point, should they do it and substitute their own beliefs upon another religions sacrament?

How would Christians feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

How would we react if Scientologist had “fake communion”?

How would we respond if Mormons imitated baptisms, stamping their doctrine over the sacrament?

And, why do we stop at Passover?

Why don’t we imitate all of the Jewish festivals? Jesus - being a faithful Jew - also partook in all of them. So, why don’t we do them and cram Jesus in.

Why don’t we commandeer other traditions like Ramadan?

Isn’t the whole practice, the more you think about it, quite insensitive to those whom the practice is still deeply significant?