Number hurdles

Yesterday, while chatting to a potential employer, the topic of youth group numbers arouse.

In my mind the numbers in a youth group face similar hurdles to those of a wider church congregation. You have to take leadership, pastoral car and facilities into account.

If you want to provide proper physical, emotional, relational and spiritual care for people you need to monitor numbers.

You need to have the proper number of leaders to cater to their needs. For a youth group it should be no more than 8-10:1. If you only have three leaders, you can grow effectivly to around 25-30.

You also need to consider how many your building can hold comfortably and effectively. If you can only have two spaces for appropriate small groups then you are restricted to around 20. If you start to feel cramped with 40 people in your meeting space, then the time to consider splitting is upon you.

But there are number hurdles prior to that point.

The first, and he one i discussed yesterday, is between 6 and a dozen.

With 6 kids you feel kinda small. You grow slowly and is quite intimate. If you're not catering to the needs of the kids that are there and the visitors who do chime in, then they won;t stick around.

With a dozen kids you need to start to expand leaders. You now have a number where, if one or two kids are away, you're program isn't thrown in the air. This gives you confidence in programming and allows you to plan further down the track securely.

The next step is around 25-30 kids. Now the number of kids will start to grow momentum. Numbers grow greater numbers. Now you can generate excitement by just being on each week. The leadership should now well and truly be team oriented, with defined roles and dedicated kids to support.

Then you hit the point where i would head to spilt to alternative times/venues... 40-50. Why? Well you split a group of 50, into two groups of around 20-25, then you take the positives from the above step and repeat.

Water reading witnesses

I had my quarterly water meter reading meeting and heard something noteworthy.

It turns out that there is a "signinng insentive" of $3000 if i can entice another poor soul to do the same job as me. As long as the person is competent, will work more than 2 days a week and sticks around for 6 months, i can cash in.

It's like the baby bonus of the water meter reading world!

But it made me think of the Jehovah's Witnesses.

From what i remember, only 144,000 get to enter heaven (or something along those lines).

Maybe I'm a jerk, but this WOULDN'T encourage me to evangelise at all. Instead i would try to assure that I'm in the chosen number, not someone i recruit to take my spot.

The trouble? I think that evangelistic success bumps you further up the heaven entrance list.

So... When you shut the door on a JW... are they actually that disappointed?

Alcopop adertising

I found this on YouTube.

I personally think it should be an advertisement for alcopops now that they're getting their taxes back from the government.

WARNING: Poor production values approaching...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4a6I1bJtBg

Human cat wash

Today i went to the dentist.

In truth, it wasn't bad at all, but i wouldn't call it enjoyable either.

Once home, Ange and I gave the cat a wash. As usual, the cat wasn't overly impressed by the experience.

I figured, if i was going to be tasting goop on my teeth all day, the pussy cat should be covered in residual shampoo and lick himself for a few hours.

Too much chatter?

I've just about finished my small group study, on the ten commandments, for later this week.

The process made me wonder how much a small group leader should talk.

Sure, with younger years, or a relatively unknown passage, you would ramp up the chatter. But with a well known passage, with experienced believers, how much do you need to fill the air with your thoughts?

It takes me back to an experience i had a few years ago.

I was invited to present the same Spiritual Gifts course i used to give at Formation (an equivalent cert 2 youth ministry course, run a few years ago).

At the course i would talk for much of the two/three hours. Lots of slides, plenty of notes.

At the youth group i was invited to, i bombed. I delivered a cut and paste job. With a lower age range and lesser committed believers, it lost many of them.

When i taught it again at church, a year later, it was much more interactive and laid back.

My point? Sometimes a lecture type delivery isn't the best method.

Suspect attraction

I figure if a squeeze this post between a serious and a funny one, it will slide through...

Gavin, i hope you're paying attention... This one's for you...

I've come to the realisation that i will be asked for ID at pub entrances for a while yet. At the rugby on the weekend i was the only one asked on our way into the pub prior. If the trend continues i am well on my way to being asked post 30 (unless the next three years age me awfully!).

For a while i have wondered about guys who are attracted by ladies who suffer a similar curse.

Sure, you look young, but is there a threshold that makes you too young to be acceptably attractive to most blokes?

Again, the point was raised before the rugby.

Near where Gavin and i were standing was a young woman who looked 12. Deadset... 12. Ok, maybe 12 and a half.

A guy was hitting on her, using all his best moves. It could have been her boyfriend or a random. But, does it make the guy sus?

He is hitting on a woman who looks more child-like than womanly...

Time to flee...

Turns out this is painted on the roof of a house in Britain by their teenage son. It went undiscovered for a year. Then came Google Earth... (sure, it could be a hoax, but who really cares...)

Luckily, the young chap is currently traveling.

If you squint, you can make out a giant... submarine?

Ya know in 6 months... Ya know in 12

Whilst I'm posing on recent news stories, i also noticed that Harrison Ford proposed to Calista Whats-her-name (notice there is no link. If you're interested... look it up).

I think it's grand that after nine years he finally popped the question. Good for him, nice for her.

It made me wonder what i would tell a couple that had been dating for nine years.

Sure, most couples i would chat to about dating aren't in the same situation that our dear Harrison and Calista are in, but forget that for a moment.

For starters... i wouldn't say "good for him." Instead i would say "ABOUT TIME!"

I reckon, as long as you start seriously dating around 18 (serious being, in view of a potential life partner), you should have some kind of inclination about marriage around six months.

In the first half year you work out if you're potentially compatible. You spend a stack of time together, you expand on emotional and physical chemistry, you trade stories, you share experiences, you meet friends and you're introduced to family.

In the first six months you should have a fair clue if they are NOT right for you.

You will know if you clash on major personal issues or important life-identifying attitudes. You discover if your partner ticks enough "deal breaker" boxes.

Come a year, you pretty much should know if they ARE right for you.

Do you propose the day after your first anniversary? No. But, i believe, you should be seriously posing the big questions to yourself, never mind your partner.

Spreading the love

Last year i posted my love for the people's Republic of China during the Olympics. The hope? Boost my blog views by roughly a billion or so.

Now a new wave of lovin is required.

After i saw this news story on how Aussie bloggers have angered our brethren over the ditch (http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/mp/5426019/aussie-bloggers-upset-kiwis/) i was inspired.

Kiwi's... there is no shame in being the second best nation on the edge of the Tasman Sea. You are second in regards to sports, beer, living standards and the majority of other measurable aspects. In fact, you should be proud. Very proud.

Now, if every person in New Zealand reads this blog then I'll increase my views by roughly 4.3 million (http://www.stats.govt.nz/populationclock.htm).

Then again... I'm not convinced it was worth it...

Confusing advertising

I walking past a church that was advertising "A night of worship and fellowship. All invited."

I wondered if this would appeal to nonbelievers. Furthermore, would they even realise what the event would include?

What does someone who isn't church literate think that worship is? Would someone with a decade old, negative memory of boring hymns, be attracted to this?

What about fellowship? This word is never used outside of the church (and even most Christians will give you a variety of definitions). Is it casual, over tea/coffee, chit-chat afterwards or deep sharing get-to-know-you's?

Now, i don't want to discourage the church form advertising events that they are doing. But if the ads are full of Christian jargon, is it overly effective in reaching outsiders?

Exiled

Last night at small group i brought up the proud tradition of enforcing youth group exile.

The equation is simple. You're at a youth gathering and something greatly annoys you or a danger is uncovered by the kids. Almost by magic, the offending object disappears the next week!

Exiled... never to be seen again (unless it is discovered years later because you forgot where you hid it).

Over the years I've exiled balls, cushions, poofs (otherwise known as an ottoman), hockey sticks, 2 meter long twirling sticks, excess chalk and more.

The only downside? The deception that occurs once the kiddies try to track down the dangerously annoying contraption of fun. The upside? Making a challenge of trying to find the missing item.

Outta work?

Today's big job was getting a haircut.

Just before the snipping began i wondered how i would answer the question "So... What do you do?"

I pondered... do i say that I'm an out of work youth minister, a youth minister between jobs, or a water meter reader and nothing more.

In the end i fumbled out some half baked answer, but I'm not sure how much longer i can use the first two options.

PQT rumbles

You know i'm on holidays when i'm watching Parlament Question Time. Oh, how the experience makes your patriotic heart swell with pride.

Want the highlights?

Blah, blah, blah.... Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb.... ORDER, ORDER, ORDER... Blah, blah, blah...

The whole thing reminds me of the old church bullfrog.

The what?

The sound that emanates from a congregation when the minister makes a joke. Each elderly believer chuckles quietly to their neighbour and grey heads bobbles up and down.

Niece surprises

Today i saw my niece at Mum and Dad's, who were baby sitting.

There i feed my niece.

There i burped my niece.

There i changed the nappy of my niece (I'm such a SNAG!).

Most importantly, there i was thrown up on by my niece.

Last minute prep

Now that I'm on holidays I'm filling my days doing odd jobs. Today i went to my optometrist, tomorrow i put my car in for a service and on Thursday I'll get a haircut.

Therefore, I've been extra diligent in taking my eye drops, I vacuumed my car and I've ramped up the number of times I'll shampoo my hair.

In fact, a similar thing happens before going to the dentist. For the few days prior i will scrub my pearly white extra long.

As i review my actions, i find that I'm nothing but a slacker. You do what you're supposed to do the days before and then... 1) You make the best impression and 2) When you're asked if you're doing the upkeep, you're affirmative reply isn't a total fib.

Muffled street evangelists

Today in the city i saw a street evangelist.

I say i saw, because i didn't exactly hear.

He was on front of the QVB, atop his milk crate, Bible in hand, saying something. His microphone was pretty dodgy, so you couldn't understand what exactly he was saying.

I wondered, if no-one can hear you, what's the point?

Whilst standing at the traffic lights i think i heard him saying something along the lines of "do you consider yourself a good person..." I understand this evangelistic tract works wonders.

Performing monkeys

Today Ange retold the story of her second week at Northbridge.

On that fateful morning the kids had to sing "Touch the Earth Lightly." In short, it traumatised the poor kiddies. I can still get cringing responses from them by just uttering the opening lines of the hymn.

I despise it when kids/teens are told to perform stuff they don't want to do and hate. I think it's one of the greatest disservices we can do for children's ministries.

At the core, the performance is for the momentary thrill of the oldies but with the kids paying the price.

In my mind, church for kids should achieve a few simple aims. First is to teach them what God commands and how he has worked through the Bible. Second, i think kids should receive positive experiences of God's people meeting together.

When kids are told to preform like monkeys, i think it majorly desecrates the second aim.

Ringless Hubbies

Last night, whilst at the golf club with Gavin, i noticed i was different.

To the untrained eye you would have thought that i was the only married guy at the table. On a table of ten guys, of whom Gavin and i were the youngest by decades, i was the only one wearing a wedding ring.

But it turns out that four of them were actually hitched.

It disturbed me.

Why would a husband not wear his wedding ring? It's not as though there were any ladies about the club or that they were all having an ale prior to seeing their mistresses. All signs indicated that this ringlessness was the norm.

If i were their spouse i think it would bother me.

Personally, i like my wedding ring. It says a lot about me without speaking and i would be annoyed if Ange went around bare fingered or was alright if i did.

The angel of death

I just finished watching an episode of "Murder, She Wrote." Now that I'm on holidays until April, I'll be seeing more of "our Jessica."

Oh Jessica Fletcher... The Angel of Death.

Think about it.

There were 265 episodes and 4 telemovies of "Murder, She Wrote."

If each episode began with a killing and included (at least) one "swerve" death, those around Mrs Fletcher dropped like flies!

Where she went death followed. On holidays? Death. Getting a new maid or butler? A murderer. Changing doctors? The secretary will be a vicious killer. A relative in the Fletcher family? You will die, be a killer, or loosely connected to a slaying.

Actually... Don't follow "those pesky kids and that mutt in the Mystery Machine" either.

Wherever they go, spookiness ensues.

Who does it? The gardener, manager or janitor who only briefly appears in the episode, about a third of the way through.

Itchy T-Rex

So Ange and i were wondering about the puny arms the Tyrannosaurus Rex had. What use could they have had? Surely they couldn't even reach the T-Rex's head.

So what would happen if they had an itchy nose?

Would they scratch it against a tree or get another to gently itch it for them? If the later, did they have a special signal to instigate the help?

That's right... I deal with all the big issues.