The art of faux giving

I can't recall the last time I put currency into an offering plate or bag.

Sure, I've been in plenty of church services where an offering has occurred, I just haven't reached into my wallet.

For, whenever I give, I now do a direct transfer from my bank account into the church's account (it's because of people like me that it's incredibly stupid for a church not to provide these details somewhere in their bulletin).

Personally, I just don't carry that much cash with me and I can then transfer an amount somewhat close to a tithe portion into the offering, which I may not be able to do if I was relying on cash.

Consequently, I now face the prospect of a faux offering.

For those uninitiated, the faux offering is when you pretend to give the traditional way, but you've got nothing physically in your hand.

Sure, the cards informing those around that you directly give exist, but really, whoever remembers to collect those???

The regular routine is to dip your hand into the bag and do... nothing.

But, this covert offering is ineffective with a offertory plate.

This is where the expert faux-givers employ their darkest magic.

As the plate comes around you place your had near the top of the plate and you tap the bottom of the plate with your other hand. This creates a thud which rattles the coins in the plate.

The risk is that those around you will only think that you've given the equivalent of loose change, but for those who are concerned that they'll be gossiped about over morning tea due to their offertory-non-observance, this trick can save face.

At least ever so slightly...