I've been thinking about this question for a few days.
And I'm a pretty smart guy.
But i have no gem of wisdom in answering this question.
Ideally, this question should never be posed because church is a place that kids WANT to come to. They have fun, make friends, are accepted, have a tribe of adults who care about them and are sowing positive things into their life (not to mention hearing the life changing message of Jesus).
But, a lot of kids don't go to the ideal church. In fact, some go to a church at the opposite end of the spectrum.
One argument says that parents "force" their children to do a heap of beneficial things that the kids aren't keen on. If it's true for vegetables, then why not church? If you won't allow your child to drop out of school when they "get over it" then why should it be acceptable with church?
BUT the other side of the coin will say that forcing kids will taint their experience of church, especially if it is a church not suited/catering for youngsters.
Perhaps if your child, consistently, doesn't want to go to church then there is a message worth listening to. Perhaps the family should find a different church?
And don't even wonder about when the parent should stop pushing and let the teen (?) decide for themselves...
As i said... I'm not 100% on what the answer is... Any suggestions?
I feel that forcing a kid of any age to go church is just going to makethrb bitter about the whole thing for a start. Anyone who is in a church who does not want to be isn't really going to take on board much of what they it being said from the pulpit or from the youth minister at the front anyway. I don't feel that just being there is going to make much of a difference but rather, they need to want to be there.
ReplyDeleteI guess with a kid who wanted to no longer go to church i would suggest trying another church that caters to their needs better or where they already have friends and see how they feel about that, as opposed to not going at all.
But in the end you can't force someone to be Christian so why force them to go to church. It's pretty futile.
This is a question I've struggled with a bit too, but in a slightly different context - not with teenagers (yet), with my 2 and 3 year old daughters. I used to take them to night church, but found it started to interfere with bed-time routine, so tried taking them to a morning service for a while. But that didn't work for us either, probably more from my perspective than from theirs because I was dealing with some tough stuff.
ReplyDeleteJust recently I started taking to a new church again where they were initially quite settled, and now that's changed again - they love going, as long as I am with them. Won't go into all the issues i have at the moment, but I guess the thing I've been seeing is the importance of being flexible. That we often can't neatly package it up, as much I would love that, and that human beings and relationships are extremely complex!
I don't want my kids to think, 'mum takes us to church because we have to go to church every week', and to see people being legalistic about meeting together - rather I want them to see the great opportunity it is to be committed to growing in a church family and to experience all God has for us in that context.
I guess this time has also taught me the importance of praying constantly for my kids, and for wisdom as I make decisions at this point in their lives that will to some degree shape the decisions they make in years to come whether I like it or not. The enormity of this task sometimes makes me want to crap myself!!
But I love that God promises to give us His wisdom if we ask for it and to guide our steps as we seek Him first. The difficulty sometimes for me is trying to hard to find the 'perfect' solution that works all of the time, and to figure it out in my own strength rather than taking it to God, which is probably what I'm doing at the moment - worrying rather than trusting.
Sorry for the long comment!! Love reading your blog BTW, great stuff.
Hey Alison,
ReplyDeleteI guess I don't have the answers because i haven't needed to wrestle with the situation personally (at least not yet!).
A lot of what you described has been true for the families I’ve been exposed to at various churches.
Church will not work for every family in exactly the same way.
Mornings may work because they don't disrupt bed time, but there is the added difficulty of weekend wake-ups.
At my last church, they had a 5pm service and tried to cover all the bases.
I suppose you do what you can, starting with finding a great church that suits you the best and supports every member of your family.