Should you pair up dating leaders?

I’ve written before about the possibility, nay probability, that leaders in Christian ministry - if both single of course (?) - will be romantically interested in each other, date and, importantly for the following point, cultivate some church nervousness.

But, before I give my opinion, I want to make a few things clear.

Love is good.

Dating can be good. And throughly godly.

Young adults dating can be a powerful testimony, especially to those younger than them.

When teaching young people about dating, having leaders who are dating in a loving and godly way can be a true blessing.

But... I’d still try to avoid the dating leaders leading together.

Now, in some cases this won’t be possible or practical. If there are only three youth group leaders, you can’t and shouldn’t give one a timeout because they are now attached.

With this said, I would seek to create some space between the two leaders.

Why?

Because they could breakup at any time.

Relationships are messy.

And they can still be an influence upon those they minister to.

So, does the distancing need to be messy?

Frankly, no.

Ideally, you just sit your leaders down and tell them honestly that them ministering apart from the added pressure of their relationship will be advantageous. They don’t need to fret if they are cranky with each other.

Alternatively, you can just say that, while juggling all the other things which accompany pastorally caring for teens, having their focus also - unavoidably - being directed at their partner is a distraction which can be unhelpful.

After all, the leaders should be there to minister to the kids, not canoodle with their love.

Is it ok to buy love?

I don’t mind admitting that I buy love. Strategically.

I did it last week.

I did it while working as a youth minister.

Last week I paid to boost an apt Tiny Bible Bit about anger.

In the past I have printed hundreds of business cards and countless fliers.

Over the years I have given away many prizes in scripture classes and youth group.

Each year I would routinely spend hundreds of dollars taking my leaders out for meals and getaways.

None of this was mandated.

I never had to spend as much as I did in ministry or add my coin to the Facebook coffers.

But, you spend money on things which you deem valuable.

Additionally, when you spend money with an eye on the outcomes, the expenses - rightly or otherwise - are deemed an investment.

Frankly, most of the money I spent in ministry could have been saved.

I could have kept $50 in my bank account last week.

But, if you don’t personally invest in what you’re doing - hopefully wisely, with some strategic purpose - then why would you expect anyone else to?

Putting an answer cap on the Minister’s Kid

Minister’s kids can be annoying in a small group discussions.

They. Know. Everything.

Or at least they think they do.

So, how do you deal with it? 

Especially if the youngling is an extrovert. 

Or wants to derail a sharing opportunity.

Put simply, ask everyone individually - or in pairs - to list all the applicable responses they can come up with. Then, go around the group and ask everyone to share one response.

But, their are two secrets...

First, an answer can’t be repeated.

Second, you strategically place the minister’s kid in the order you want.

Either... if you suspect that the minister’s kid will parrot the generic response, you put them first. Let them answer “Jesus.” Or, if you suspect their response will be more thought out once the surface responses have been given, then put the minister’s kids last and launch a discussion off their answer.

If you do the later, having a minister’s kid in your group can be really useful if you put methods in place to challenge them, not just opening the door for them to regurgitate the same answers they’ve been giving since they were the same age as their shirt size.

Why not just reject one more?

A while ago I was in a small group discussion and I shared what I thought was the most difficult question a Christian is potentially faced with.

As a Christian you’ve rejected every other deity throughout history and the world, why not just reject another like modern atheists.

Upon reflection, this isn’t actually the toughest question that a believer will encounter. This spot rightly belongs to the question and personal experience of suffering - which I’ve responded to in four parts here.

The reason I initially thought this was the most difficult question is because it triggers so much doubt.

No one knows enough about every - or even the majority - of religions to know why they may be legitimately fallible. Across space and time there are far too many.

So, why not just reject one more?

Well, to start, the question is only somewhat based on fact.

No believer of anything is accepting because they have evenly and systematically rejected every other possible option.

Not even the most ardent atheist has done this. 

Instead, any believer in anything is so because they follow the evidence towards their belief, not away from everything else.

This is how we live our lives.

We don’t evaluate the critically reject every possible route before taking a drive. Or selecting milk. Or deciding the person we are going to marry.

I don’t trace every option on googlemaps before deciding my route.

I don’t taste every milk product before opening the fridge.

I don’t reject billions of women before walking down the aisle.

Instead, we choose one. Just one. Examine the evidence. Weigh it up. Then deciding.

That is what critical thinking atheists have, hopefully, done.

That is what critical thinking Christians should do.

Christians don’t reject every deity bar one. They accept Jesus.

Why? 

Well, hopefully, I’ve got an Apologetics tab on my blog full of convincing reasons. But the evidence that Jesus rose from the dead is a good place to start...