Passing advice

Yesterday there was a funeral for one of the older gents at church. As i sat in the memorial service i thought back to Dad's service and what advice i would give when someone loses a family member or someone close to them.

Reflecting since February (when Dad died), i would say the following...

1 - Feel how you want to feel. If you want to cry. Do it. If you don't feel like you want to burst into a fit of weeping, that's okay too. Don't feel that you need to be a textbook example of the six stages of grief. This can go for other friends and family as well.

2 - Talk to people who care for you and it will be safe to feel however you feel.

3 - Stay close. Proximity and physical presence is important after a time of loss. Drop by other members of your family. Do it a lot. Just being there will help them and it will help you.

4 - It's alright to stop. The world will still function while you deal with your loss. It's okay to take a break from it all and do point #2 & 3.

5 - Avoid doing anything foolish, dangerous or life changing. Don't drive at 150km/hr, go on a three day bender, do drugs or commit arson. Don't quit your job, drop out of University or break up with your partner. Process what you have gone through before making changes.

6 - You will have immediate and later reminders. In the first week there will be a void. Even if it's trivial. You will notice and it's fine to be sad in these times.

But you will keep encountering reminders of the person whose died. You will find their wedding ring. You will hear their voice in the background of a video. You will see pictures of them. You're Niece will say his name and be able to point at him.

You will miss the person at these times too. That's okay.