Living up to my own unspoken expectations

Everyday I have a lot to do.

Well… a lot I’d like to do.

A lot… I’ve planned to do.

German or maths lessons twice a day on Duolingo.

Complete a chapter or more of bible or commentary reading every day.

Write a Tiny Bible Bit every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Complete the household chores on our to-do list.

Create lesson plans for every lesson I teach.

Write and complete an annotated outline of my teaching day every workday.

Write a blog post per week.

Finish all the daily notes I leave for myself.

Stay on top of the ever-expanding gardening renovation and upkeep around our house.

There’s a lot on my plate.

And no one knows.

No one keeps track of my Duolingo streak aside from myself (it’s currently 2393 FYI)

No one really knows that I’m the author of an online devotional or a blog.

No one knows where I’m up to in my five-year bible reading plan (it should be complete at the end of 2027) or what I’m currently reading/studying (it’s Isaiah 50-66).

No one knows some of the visions I have outlined for the garden (I’m hoping to have completed by 18 month plan by the end of winter).

I’m the only teacher in existence who plans his days as meticulous as I do. I don’t really need detailed and I’m the only one who sees them.

I get mocked for my start-of-the-day routine of handwriting my teaching day (even though it’s caught on to a few others in my faculty).

It annoys my wife that I have a parallel calendar of what I want to get done every day, week and year in my phone that she doesn’t get access to.

But, the majority of these tasks don’t really exist.

They are made up.

They are on a timeline only I’m aware of.

They fuel anxiety that I’m the only one feeding.

And, I get a sense of satisfaction or annoyance depending on my completion of my mind-tasks.

So, really, they are universally meaningless.

No one usually suffers if they don’t get done.

No one would notice if I forgot any task.

No one would judge me if I didn’t complete my lists.

But…

I would know.

For, when it comes to many of the lists which a make - be they over the next six-hours, day, week, year or decades - they help to organise my thoughts and help block the sleeve of my memory.

They, in many ways, provide a safety-net and a reference point for me to turn to.

But, they also hang over me like a chronological sword of Damocles.

This is burden of having to life up to my own unspoken expectations.

13 Reasons Why Reflections

I’m currently watching the final episode from the first series of 13 Reasons Why. It was one of my tasks to watch the series over the last week of the school holidays.

Obviously, if you know anything about the series, you’ll be aware of the subject matter and why I won’t be watching beyond season 2. I hear that the show drops off a cliff after the second season.

On a positive, the show was really cleaver in how it used the injuries of the main character to time jump back and forward, as was the way it used warm and cold colours to reflect the mood of the characters.

But, as I’ve watched the show, the usual annoyances emerged whenever I delve into US teen dramas.

The low hanging fruit is that the actors, as usual, were far too old to be playing high school students.

Second, the settings of North American schools - circling around proms, football and the large school cafeteria - don’t reflect Australian schools. They’re totally foreign to where I teach or where I went to school. It was because of this that I almost stopped watching after the first two episodes. 

But, the show then dragged me in.

Drama unfolded.

And, this lead to the largest disconnect I had. The drama.

All the drama.

Obviously, this should be expected.

A tv drama. Has. Drama.

It just doesn’t resonate with me. Or most people I grew up with. Or most kids a see.

My teen years were, relatively, drama free.

Of course, there were issues.

Teenage - vastly overblown - issues.

But not reflecting the continual drama from the show.

I, frankly, would be a background character.

Someone who walked the halls namelessly.

Quiet.

Undramatic.

Living a life unworthy of a tv show.

I’m guessing, like most teens.

The show has made me consider how I’ve mentioned suicide on this blog over the years.

And how we all hold our own secrets.

And how we interpret our own truth.

I assume that season two will unwrap more of these themes with the trail portion of the events.

If nothing else, I’m impressed that so many people had the ability in the 21st Century to listen to cassette tapes.

Tiny Bible Bits Stats

Back in 2021 I completed my first Tiny Bible Bit audit. Chronicling thousands of posts took a looong time...

If you've been living under a rock, Tiny Bible Bits is a Facebook devotional that I've been writing three times per week (Monday, Wednesday & Friday) almost unbroken since September 25 2011.

So, over the last week I've been updating the database and crunching more data (or actively avoiding the starting my pile of marking).

As of the end of last month, here's the updated details...

Total posts across 5312 days - 2354

All 66 books of the bible have now been used.

Most popular books - 

Matthew x198, Psalms x172, Luke x165, John x159, Acts x122, Hebrews x100, Romans x99, Genesis x95

Least used books -

Song of Songs x2, Nahum x2, Zephaniah x2, Joel x3, Obadiah x3, Zechariah x3, 2 Thessalonians x4, 3 John x4

Total chapters used - 617 (51.9% of the entire bible)

Old Testament chapters - 378 (40.7% of the OT)

Oddly, all seven articles from the book of Esther have been from Esther 4.

Most used OT chapters - 

Genesis 3 x30

Genesis 1 x14

Exodus 20 x12

Psalm 119 x11

75 passages from separate individual Psalms.  

New Testament chapters - 239 (91.9% of the NT)

Most popular NT chapters - 

Luke 2 x35

Matthew 6 x28

John 1 x25

Romans 12 x23

Ephesians 4 x22

Romans 8 x21

Matthew 5 x 19

Hebrews 12 x19

Luke 15 x18

Acts 17 x17

Philippians 4 x17

Ephesians 2 x16

1 Corinthians 15 x15

Matthew 1 x14

1 Corinthians 13 x14

1 John 3 x14

From the Sermon on the Mount - Matthew 5-7 x57

The only chapters I haven't used from the New Testament are Matthew 19, Mark 3, John 7, Acts 6, Acts 24-25, Romans 4, 2 Corinthians 6, 2 Thessalonians 2, 1 Timothy 3, 1 John 2, Revelation 4, Revelation 8-11 and Revelation 13-18.

Total bible passages - 2081 

Old Testament passages - 843 

Most popular OT passages -

Genesis 1:1 x8

Genesis 3:6 x7

Esther 4:14-16 x7

Psalm 46:10 x6

Psalm 127:1 x6

New Testament passages - 1511

Most popular NT passages - 

Hebrews 12:1-2 x16

Matthew 6:9 x10

John 3:16 x8

1 Corinthians 15:58 x8

Ephesians 1:17 x7

Matthew 11:28 x6

Luke 15:20 x6

John 1:5 x6

John 1:14 x6

Acts 26:29 x6

Revelation 21:4 x6

Number of Christmas posts x48

Number of Easter posts x32

Number of posts on the Lord's Prayer x19

Number of New Year's posts x14

Number of posts referencing COVID x14

Number of Mother's Day posts x6

Number of posts referencing Trump x3

Number of reposted "most misunderstood" posts x3 - 

Jeremiah 29:11, Matthew 18:20 & Romans 8:28-29

1 Video post on 1 Kings 19:1-13

Missed/delayed posts in Nov 2013, Sep 2015, March 2016 & March 2017. 

I took a three month break between Nov 2015-Feb 2016 - the passages I left was Psalm 119:105, returning with Isaiah 41:13.

What I learnt from attending a lot of funerals

I’ve been to lots of funerals.

When you’ve worked for multiple churches over 13 years, this is unsurprising.

When that denomination was the one with the - on average - eldest attendees, this is even less surprising.

When one of your churches was the chapel for the local private school, this increases the amount of funerals dramatically.

Add all these contingencies together, along with being one of the few members of your church who could run the technical elements of a funeral in the middle of a workday, then my amount of funeral lurking is entirely predictable.

For, most of the time, I was just a funeral lurker.

I often didn’t know the deceased.

I usually didn’t know many people in attendance.

But, I learnt a lot from attending so many funerals.

First, they reminded me of what matters. What really matters. Funerals are a time for the essentials. The plain gospel. Family. Fond memories.

Second, they reminded me that life is finite. Mine, like all others, will end. I will one day have a funeral.

Third, they reminded me that death is unpredictable. I could be snuffed out at any age. More than once I attended a funeral of someone who I shared the same age as. The day of my funeral is out of my control.

Fourth, they taught me how to write a good eulogy.

Finally, it they placed the voice of the grave periodically in front of me.

Collectively, these funerals placed a regular reminder that my life and ministry mattered. 

They impacted others.

They impact beyond my days.

For some, they help impact their eternity.

The voices from the graveyard that we need to hear

I’ve just finished listening to The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast.

As I heard about the ups and downs of the Seattle monolithic, my mind wandered to the churches I’ve worked in, the ministries I’ve led, the people I’ve worked alongside and the undulations of all their fates.

Of course, I also pondered my time in ministry and the triumphs and tragedies which unfolded.

On many occasions, things sounded familiar.

But, one thing which struck me was a short point that someone made in the final episode.

Churches have lost the ministry of graveyards.

With the majority of churches now disassociated with tombs on their church grounds, the somber reminder of death has now been silenced.

And, as a modern church, we are weaker for it.

We are weaker because we don’t have a regular reminder of our destination.

We are weaker because we don’t have an intimate connect with funerals and death.

We are weaker because we don’t have the silent witness of the bygone saints.

For, these give us perspective.

These give us a reminder that we will be in the graves ourselves all too soon. And, then, we will be accountable. For how we live. For how we minister. For how we lead. For how we treat others.

The point was made that, with a louder voice from the graveyard, some of the mistakes churches and ministers make could be - at worst - reconsidered and - at best - avoided outright.

For, we need to be reminded periodically of our own mortality.

We need to be reminded that our days, ultimately, are short.

We need to be reminded that we will give an account for the way we have lived out those days.

We need to be reminded that what we do in ministry is only a link in a very long chain. It was there before us. It will be there after us.

This is true for the church.

This is true for your ministry.

This is undeniably true for the gospel.