Should you hope that your teens gets a crush on their youth minister?

Wayyyy back in 2008 I wrote (here) about those within a youth ministry having a crush on their youth minister.

As far as I know. It never happened with me. No young lass ever had a crush on me.

But, as I mentioned back in 2008, it makes sense.

Someone older, wiser and cooler invests time in your life.

That’s appealing when you’re a teen.

So, if you’re a parent of a teen, should you secretly hope that your offspring gets a slight crush for their youth leader?

Now, I’m aware that a) the question itself is kinda creepy and b) there have been far too many instances when this interaction has been manipulated and turns into something inappropriate. No one ever wants the second half of that sentence to play out.

 it, with those disclaimers out of the way…

If the youth minister of your church/one of the primary youth ministry leaders is a good role model, why wouldn’t you want them to be the kind of person your youngster may wish to romantically ponder about?

If teen crushes are all about discovering the types of things which you’ll find attractive - especially if those things are positive characteristics instead of just being a dreamboat - wouldn’t someone with a considered, confident, strong faith be something which you’d want your teen to be drawn towards?

On a far more pragmatic scale, wouldn’t a tiny, healthy, crush be useful in order to help inspire your teen to spring out of bed and want to attend church on a Sunday morning (which can be a struggle for a teen if there’s not some hormonally-driven motivation).

Again, I’m not hoping that any of my children will end up with the bloke who’s currently leading them in a bible study, but that they may find the type of qualities he has attractive surely isn’t the worst thing in the world…

Why the pulpit MUST volunteer

Now, obviously, those in positions of leadership can’t be a part of everything which happens within a church.

You can’t possibly be in two places at once.

Additionally, some ministries - by their very specifications - will be off-limits to an individual due to age or gender.

But, in the main, if someone at church is asking for volunteers then the person in vocational ministry should be putting their hand up.

Why?

Because it shows buy-in.

Sure, this volunteering may not result in the minister being involved full-time, but they should be willing to step up and fill a void in a useful ministry.

In doing so the request for others to be involved gets far easier.

But default, you’d hope that the ministry will have its profile raised due to the involvement of the minister. With their inclusion, the ministry should sneak its way into the mouth of the minister. It will become a sermon illustration. It will be mentioned in passing. It will be a blockage in the calendar which will need to be negotiated around.

This will raise the profile of the ministry.

Furthermore, the inclusion of the ministry agent will show support for the lay-person requesting help. The minister’s willingness to be involved communicates both value of the ministry and the leader of the ministry.

Finally, the inclusion of the minister greatly increases the effectiveness of the ask for help in the future.

As people hear more about the ministry from the pulpit…

As people sense the value the ministry has due to the minister’s investment…

Then a far more powerful ask can now be delivered…

Come and serve WITH ME.

This is a far more effective pitch.

But, this effective pitch in the future is only possible if the minister has the forethought to initially step up.

Are you looking FOR the answer or to BE the answer?

Christians believe that God answers prayer.

Otherwise, why bother?

When we pray, often we pray for God to answer our petition.

And He does.

He answers yes, no or wait.

We get what we want because they align with what God wants.

We get denied within the overarching sovereignty of God.

We get a delay due to the timing not being right.

But, maybe we should flip our request.

Instead of us focussing on our personal request, we should consider the other prayers within the situation.

For, other believers are also praying.

They are seeking answers.

They are seeking direction.

And, we may be the answer to that prayer.

If it’s a job interview, we may be the person they are praying for to hire.

If it’s a relationship, we may be the partner they have been waiting upon.

If it’s a sermon, we may deliver the words others need to hear.

If it’s a conversation, me may provide the comfort they desire.

Perhaps, instead of asking that our prayers are delivered upon, maybe we should realise that we can be the answer that others are seeking.

Shouldn’t we just be open about our bedroom intercession?

We pray they make time for each other…

We ask that they reconnect…

These types of prayers may be uttered when one spouse has been away from their partner for a prolonged period of time or if a couple his in the middle of a season of particular busyness in their workplaces.

And they are good prayers to make.

But, if we’re being honest, isn’t this sometimes just code for sex.

When they finally make time for each other…

When they reconnect…

They will, most likely, have sex.

And, within a marriage, there’s nothing wrong with that.

In fact, it’s perfectly healthy.

Expected even.

So, if you’re in a setting with a bunch of married couples, couldn’t we just say what we mean?

Of course, making time and reconnecting should involve a lot more than just sex. But… honestly, isn’t it a part of it?

Shouldn’t we openly pray for each others sex lives?

That they are satisfying.

That they are enjoyable.

That they are prioritised.

Now, this may look - practically - dramatically different once the bedroom door closes.

This has nothing at all to do with frequency.

Or kinks.

Or even orgasms.

But… if a bunch of married, mature, Christian’s are praying euphemisms anyway… isn’t it time we drop the facade?

Why it’s important to be mindful of what happened before church

Some days, it’s easy to get your kids to church.

They woke up on time. They had no disagreements. They want to go.

Other Sundays are a struggle.

A struggle to get out of bed. A struggle to get dressed. A struggle to have breakfast. Squabbling siblings. Attitude about attending. Bickering in the car.

I could make a similar equation for adults attending on a Sunday.

Some days, you’re energetic and enthusiastic.

Other days, you’re tired and genuinely considering not going.

Those in ministry must be aware that at any event, chances are, there will be attendees in both situations.

Keen and hesitant.

Energetic and lethargic.

Comfortable and nervous.

If those leading ministries are mindful of the various mindsets and circumstances of those who attend, then they will have more patient, understanding and appreciative for those who they get the privilege to serve.

Being alert to the next step in the last conversation

Developing a relationship takes time and effort.

Within an educational or pastoral setting, this relationship develops in snippets.

The main reason for this is that, while you may have many interactions with the youngster, they are fleeting and, at least in schools, in conflict with overriding curriculum pressures.

Nonetheless, you are able to develop a relationship with those in your care.

The simplest way to do this is to, obviously, share a conversation.

But, as I wrote above, time is in short supply.

Rarely will you have the chance to engage in a deep conversation.

But, just because the chronological conversation may be short, the interaction doesn’t need to be.

No matter if it is at a church youth group, on Sunday morning, in the classroom or in the playground, the ability to continue a conversation is vital in developing these important relationships.

At the core, the trick is to be mindful of the place you’re up to.

What was shared last?

Where may this lead?

How are you going to follow up from the last interaction?

What update are you going to pursue?

What event from the last week are you able to enquire about?

If you’re alert to the next step in the conversation, then you’ll be able to intentionally cultivate these relationships and show the teen that they personally matter to you.