The mindset to help you handle rejection

I'm currently open to alternate job offers.

As such, I've had a few job interviews of the last few weeks.

And... so far... Missed out.

Multiple times.

Admittedly, for some of the jobs I was overreaching.

Others, I was a - predictably - ill-fit.

On one occasion, missing out on the role was a disappointment.

Nonetheless, I've still got a few options in front of me and - if nothing changes between this year and next - then I'll be perfectly happy to stay exactly where I am.

But, I've been in this place before.

I've applied for jobs, mindful that I'm not the only candidate nor the only one being interviewed.

I've applied for jobs, mindful that I could be usurped by a superior applicant.

I've applied for jobs, mindful that I might not get the position.

Over the last twenty years, I've applied for around a dozen jobs - for churches or schools - and it's resulted in either no interview or missing out on the vacancy.

So, how do I handle the rejection?

Well, at times, I need to remember that I have got the job.

I have been successful. 

Over other candidates.

Over others I've known personally. 

And, as a result, I've been grateful. 

Some would call it blessed.

So, why would I think that others aren't entitled to the same thing?

Every job I've every applied for has had a successful applicant.

Sometimes it has been me.

More often, it has been someone else.

And, other people - just as I do - deserve good things.

They deserve jobs.

They deserve to be recognised.

They deserve to be blessed.

And, as a result, I'll miss out.

That's ok.

They deserve good things too...

Declaring it a safe place doesn’t make it so

“This is a safe space” doesn’t make it a safe space.

But, we’ve all heard this phrase shared at the start of a presentation or sharing time.

The trouble is, this statement alone doesn’t make it so.

A place is only made safe to share openly and judgement free if there are communal understandings already in place and agreed upon by all.

This creates a space of safety.

Unless you’ve done the work prior, you can’t just declare a space as safe.

You need to put the work in first…

Monachopsis: The modern church problem

I’ll admit, monachopsis isn’t a usual word.

Frankly, I’ve never used it before.

I only stumbled over it during the week.

But, I’ve sure felt it.

I assume that many others have felt it too.

Especially in the church.

I dare say that it’s a modern epidemic.

So, what does monachopsis mean?

The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.

A feeling you don’t belong.

A nagging that you’re an imposter.

A niggling inclination that you’re a fake.

Does this sound like church for you?

Have you ever looked around the thought that everyone has it all together, except you?

That everyone has a place, except you?

That everyone belongs, but you’re on the outside?

If churches became more familiar with the term monachopsis, then they may intentionally seek to address it.

Often, churches will have a team of welcomers.

Someone to greet newcomers.

But, there maybe a far greater need for the church to deal with monachopsis for those who appear to be “inside”, when in fact, they are physically, emotionally or spiritually isolated.

Incorporating the unexpected

My home church, for a matter of months, had a possum periodically enter the sanctuary and waltz across a support-beam.

From memory, it was first discovered when the marsupial was pointed out mid-sermon by the preacher. 

Needless to say, the critter was unexpected.

Last week at church, so I was later informed (we didn’t attend because we were away), there was a fire evacuation mid-sermon.

Again, this was unexpected.

Given enough time in church, you’ll encounter any number of church interruptions.

Maybe someone collapses.

Perhaps someone turns up drunk.

(I’ve been in both situations above)

But, a quality of a good church will be the way they respond to the interruption.

Do they respond well in the moment?

Do they respond well in the follow up?

Are they capable to, reasonably, fold the incident into something going forward?

While I would hope that most churches have contingency plans in place for the regular or predictable interruptions, it’s the ability for a church to utilise the unexpected which makes for a powerful connection with the gospel.

What number would put you in the top half?

Of course, there’s no real way to work out the answer to the following conundrum…

What would put you in the top half of growing churches?

What metric would be used to work out the answer?

Conversions?

Baptisms?

Attendance?

I can think of problems with all of these measurements.

Conversions, since they are a genuine movement of the heart, can be unseen or unattested too.

Baptisms are skewed towards congregations with a large number of families, and will naturally advantage denominations who baptise babies.

Attendance, while able to be accurately tracked, may not reflect the genuine belief within the pews on any given Sunday.

Finally, when it comes to the growth of the church, there’s a tremendous advantage for those outside of the West and the number you initially start with.

What would be the outcome if we only measured across Australia?

How about just Sydney?

Frankly, there would be a lot of churches who would barely register a blip on the church growth radar.

Faithful, but stagnant churches.

Jesus loving, but shrinking congregations.

So, where would you rank if you grew by just one believer?

How about three?

Five?

Ten?

I have been attached to a number of churches which would be eclipsed in growth if you expanded by double-digits.

Again, there’s no accurate way to determine the solution to this, but I suspect the number required to be in the top half of church growth would be depressingly small…