The reason people leave that we MUST speak about

Youth ministry drop out points. Again.

I keep returning to this topic because, first of all, it keeps entering my mind. I think about it a lot.

Second, the issue matters. Those who are connected to the church - never mind in vocational ministry - must care about those within the church. This, inevitably, will involve those who transition out of the church.

Third, I genuinely believe that this is a topic that demands to be spoken about. It matters. And enough people don’t think about it or speak about it.

So…here we are again.

But, I also keep returning to this topic because I keep discovering ways that I’ve undersold it. For, it is much bigger, deeper and more complex topic which a series of ages, life stages, or relational steps won’t cover.

And this drop out point is dark.

It is painful.

It is devastating.

Abuse.

Physical.

Sexual.

Spiritual.

This is a drop out point that is self-inflicted by the church.

And, it is one that can result in the door of the church being permanently closed.

But, it exists.

Shamefully.

And, it must be spoken about.

To do otherwise would be to continue a history of silence, wilful ignorance and cover-up.

So… while it hurts to say, abuse must be a factor adding to those leaking out the back door of the church.

The victims.

Their family.

Their friends.

Why Lamentations?

I usually don’t post things I write in Tiny Bible Bits. It’s not because they aren’t insightful, but because the idea of regularly sharing something in two places online seemed a tad self-indulgent.

But my latest post was really good. It was about the value of the book of Lamentations.

Enjoy…

Lamentations 1:12 - 12 “Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by? Look around and see. Is any suffering like my suffering that was inflicted on me, that the Lord brought on me in the day of his fierce anger?”

No one reads the book of Lamentations. 

Why would you? It’s so very depressing.

Furthermore, why does such a woeful book belong in the bible?

The book of Lamentations is valuable for a number of reasons.

First, it provides us with a vocabulary of suffering.

This is important, secondly, because life - this side of heaven - involves suffering. We, to varying degrees, will feel the same as the author of Lamentations to the suffering around us.

Third, Lamentations gives a voice to the suffering of those who lived through Jerusalem’s destruction. Their suffering, especially as a consequence of continual covenant failure, deserves to be heard. These five chapters are their memorial.

Fourth, it must serve as a warning for us who read the account of the acrostic Lament poems. Rebellion against God, even with Him patience, has consequences.

Finally, Lamentations serves as a comfort to those who suffer. Through the words of the poet the present-day sufferers tears are validated. 

We can believe that the life of faith will always be comfortable and without tragedy. We can fall into the trap that Jesus is like a cosmic lucky charm. Lamentations consoles those who are intimately aware that this is not the case.

They can cry out with Lamentations to the God who, in time, hears and sees our suffering.

The book of Lamentations, while not comfortable, is a book that deserves our time amd attention. Because the life of faith, walked with Jesus, can still reflect the words of Lamentations. 

And, when we read, empathise and learn from Lamentations we do so beside the God who is Himself familiar with suffering and reaches out to those who need comfort.

The best piece of teaching advice I’ve received

Teaching in schools is different to youth ministry.

The later is powered by the Spirit of God and relationships. 

As you minister to others you grow closer to them, and as you add relational collateral, your ministry becomes more impactful. In many places, building relationships will be an element of your job description.

The former is primarily about content. 

You teach what you need to. While it is a benefit, being liked is not a part of your job description. Teaching the syllabus is in your job outline. Being liked is a bonus.

Frankly, most teachers are friendly enough and passionate enough to become liked the longer they teach a student.

But, it isn’t required.

This ties into the best piece of teaching advice I’ve ever been given.

Now, in context, this guy is an excellent teacher who is generally liked by all - staff and students.

His advice to me was this… 

“Remember, they are only 15. Don’t worry about what they think.”

His point was simple.

You should never, ever, let your worth or value be impacted by the opinions of your students.

Why?

Because they are only 15.

Whom you teach for just a few hours per week.

Whether they like you or not should have little bearing on the way you wake up. Or prepare lessons. Or deliver lessons. Or drive home. Or get to sleep.

They are only teens.

Instead, focus in doing your job well.

If you do that. And aren’t a dick. Most students will like you anyway.

And the ones who don’t… you only teach them a few hours a week.

And it may have absolutely nothing to do with you anyway…

We must hold our plans loosely

Work at a my home church 20 hours per week. Then 25. Then 30.

Work at a larger church.

Work at a church with a larger youth ministry.

Work at a church full-time.

Work at building a strong youth ministry for a decade.

Work at another church full-time.

Build a strong youth ministry, particularly working with the young adults.

Work at another church…

This was the plan.

It didn’t work out that way.

Now the plan is…

Work at a school full-time, gaining familiarity with the way schools operate.

Gain teaching proficiency.

Take more senior classes.

Become accredited in teaching Religious Studies/Studies of Religion.

Get my new subject taught in my school, teaching it for a few years.

Become a highly accomplished teacher.

Potentially, this will take the best part of a decade.

But, plans can change.

The last decade has made that abundantly clear.

As life goes on, and our plans change, we learn that we need to hold our plans loosely. 

Over time, we learn the truth of Proverbs 19:21 -

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
    but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

What you preach on in your ministry diapers will shape your future

Over their career, ministers deliver thousands of sermons.

Having only worked as a youth minister for over a decade, thus not preaching weekly, I gave around 200 sermons.

But, not every sermon is equal.

Your first sermons are special.

You are extra nervous.

You are extra prepared.

You invite guests.

But, most importantly, your first handful of sermons will be further spaced out.

This is why you can be more prepared.

This is why you can sit with the passage longer.

This is why you can ruminate on your points.

This is why the message can soak deeper into the one giving the sermon.

For, as time goes on and you gain both trust, experience and responsibility, the sermon treadmill will restrict this depth of impact.

When you preach weekly, the time a sermon has to soak in will get squeezed out.

There will be another sermon the following Sunday. And then another. And another.

With this timetable, your first - intermittent - season of sermons will leave a greater impact.

So, I wonder, how many ministries have been shaped by these embryonic homilies?

How many decades of serving have been shaped by the point they were able to sit with for a few weeks?

How many ministers have been moulded by the sermon on evangelism, or social justice or deliverance because that - by coincidence - was what they spoke on and stewed over as a young minister?

I suspect, many of the things an experienced minister is passionate about have a direct connection to something they said in their early wadings into the pulpit.

What you gain when you don’t have to fake it anymore

Your first year in most jobs can be summed up with the famous quip: Fake it until you make it.

This is true in the school. It is also true within the church.

A few weeks ago I did my first PDP (professional development plan) at school.

One of the aims I had, understandably, was to increase my familiarity with the systems and structures of the school I’m currently working in.

Frankly, as would be expected in my first year of teaching, I don’t know a lot.

I started out as a near clean slate.

But, now, I’ve taught somewhere in the vicinity of 350 lessons.

I’ve filled out my first few grades of student reports.

I’ve navigated the first semester of exams and marking.

I can now, fairly confidently, navigate timetables, class covers and incident reports.

Just today I was sharing the secret I’ve gleaned about negotiating parent-teacher interviews.

In a relatively short time I’ve leant a lot.

But! there’s still A LOT of things I don’t know.

How sport works. 

How to organise excursions.

A hundred things I don’t even know exist yet…

But, over the last few months my staff room has had a half dozen practicum students.

And they’re surprised that I’m still a newbie.

For, on the outside, I appear throughly competent. 

And, in most jobs, this isn’t unusual.

You appear like you know what you’re doing.

Why?

Because you can do the basics.

You can execute everything expected. Most of the time.

But, you can’t yet do the unexpected.

You can’t navigate the incidentals.

You can’t pull off the tasks that only pop up occasionally. Or a few times per year.

You can’t navigate around the spaces that only come through experience and, occasionally, failure.

But, achieving that basic level of competency is something which should be celebrated. It is only after this point that you can then grow because you’re no longer expending all your energy in keeping your head above water.

It’s true in the school. True in the church. True in most occupations.

Being comfortable with uncertainty

We want answers. All of us.

Especially teens and young adults.

As they piece life and faith together, working out what they will stand for, it is inevitable that they will hit an intellectual wall.

Things won’t line up.

Previous pithy answers won’t satisfy anymore.

People they respect won’t agree with each other.

When this occurs, what happens next?

In short, they continue to search for answers. As they should.

They wrestle. They argue. They dig in. They Google.

But, for some things, the answer is not like cracking a difficult quadratic equation.

The solution will not be discovered by searching harder or learning more.

Instead, the “answer” is comfort in uncertainty.

With maturity comes a peace of not knowing.

Now, this is not a stick-your-head-in-the-sand ignorance, but it is a humble realisation.

You don’t know it all.

You don’t now.

You never will.

But, you can have peace and security in the middle of this uncertainty.

Why?

Because of what you can know.

You can grow in the knowledge and depth of the goodness, justice, mercy, grace, forgiveness and love of God.

This intimacy with the character of God will help you live with uncertainty.

For, what you don’t know, God knows.

What you don’t understand, God fully understands.

What confuses or frustrates you doesn’t worry God.

With this truth cemented in your mind, living in the midst of uncertainty isn’t as scary.